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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that just putting cbeebies on is rubbish parenting

158 replies

ditziness · 23/10/2011 13:42

I've been ill this weekend, so was in bed all yesterday. DH was looking after DS (2.5) . Cbeebies on all day, DH playing computer games on his phone. I asked at lunchtime if he was going to take him out or do anything, but no, apparently he works all week so too tired to go out and do anything and ds asked for the telly on. Apparently I can get stuffed for interfering in what he's deciding to do if I'm not looking after him too.

Got to about 4 pm when I eventually persuaded him to take him to the local park for half an hour. It pisses me off as I spend all week taking ds places, giving him fresh air, excersuze, friends and fun, and if we are in the house then playing with him, reading to him. The telly rarely goes on, as I just don't think it's necessary so young and I want him to know that there's more to life than tv. (not that he never watches it atall, that's a bit dogmatic and unrealistic IMO).

I'm fed up that I can't be ill for a day, and expect his father to look after him properly and interact and go out with him. It's always the same, whenever DH looks after him he's always stuck infront of the telly all day.

Am I?

OP posts:

unpa1dcar3r · 23/10/2011 13:46

I can see where you're coming from but playing devils advocate, kids don't always need entertaining. Sometimes they just need to sit and be still and watch telly. it won't hurt your child to have a 'day off' too.
while they need routine they don't always need their free time to be so structured where you're organising everything IYSWIM.
Your child was happy so no problem.
if it was all day every day then ok there's a problem. But it isn't. Cos the rest of the time he's got his lovely mum to do things with him and for him

Original poster

ditziness · 23/10/2011 13:46

Ps- I don't mean no tv atall. I mean all day, and nothing else.

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 23/10/2011 13:49

Yes, Nick Jr is far superior. I don't think that one day, when you're ill, is going to be the end of the world given that you do SO much with him the rest of the time.

Personally, if you're ill, then get on with getting better and leave DH to look after DS however he chooses. If he's fed and watered and safe, it doesn't matter that he's having a TV day.

Of course, someone will come along shortly and say that TV is evil for all little children, will stunt their development terribly if they watch so much as a minute and telling you that you are a terrible parent for even daring to have such a thing in the house.

ouryve · 23/10/2011 13:51

If your DS is the type to start bouncing off the walls after a day in front of the telly with no exercise, then I'm sure DH will enjoy settling him in the evening and getting him to sleep. If he's not, then the odd lazy day really isn't going to ruin him for life.

Iggly · 23/10/2011 13:51

YANBU

It's not just one day of tv - it's every time the OP's DH looks after her DS. That is not on quite frankly.

Original poster

ditziness · 23/10/2011 13:52

I know they don't always need entertaining. DS will happily toddle around pretending the washing basket is a boat or that he 's a cat for half an hour on his own while I do something else. I just don't think he needs the telly on all day. And think dh is basically being lazy and unimaginative in that it 's the only thing he can think to do with him.

But I take the point it won't do him any harm for a day. Still pisses me off though.

OP posts:

fastweb · 23/10/2011 13:54

Do you know what my most treasured childhood memories are?

The days mum got a migrane and my dad was so overwelmed with responsibility that we got to watch scooby doo et all all day, not get dressed and eat eclectic meals.

It was like an adventure in the unkown and irregular

I'm not saying that should be the norm, and well done for doing so much to give your offspring a good varied range of activities. But bear in mind that a day off from that can be a good thing in its own right.

IndigoSunshine · 23/10/2011 13:58

No, my little boy watches the bed time hour and he is 7 months old. I don't care what anyone says, he isn't sat there gorming at the tv he chats, laughs and shouts at the characters. I watch with him though. Tv all day isn't what I would call stimulating but as you said, it was for only one day, I'm sure it won't affect him permanently.

Original poster

ditziness · 23/10/2011 13:58

Yes, tis everytime he looks after him. Again this morning, ds got up at 7 am, I'm still feeling rubbish so dh gets up with him and puts the telly on straight away. I eventually get up despite feeling crap at 9 am to turn it off, give him his breakfast and get him dressed as I can't stand just listening to it blaring and knowing my ds is just sat hypnotised. DH says I'm interfering!

OP posts:

Meglet · 23/10/2011 13:58

yabu, because that's what I do at weekends .

DuchessofMalfi · 23/10/2011 13:59

I wonder who out there might think TV is a bad thing, Fliss? All the parents I know who have children the same age as mine know the daily schedule for Cbeebies and Nick Jr inside out . We have the tv on a lot in our house, and the children just pick and choose the things they want to watch, usually using the tv as a backdrop to whatever activity they are doing. DD usually does something like crafting or a jigsaw at the same time.

SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 13:59

Is this about CBeebies or is this about you tearing your hair out because DH doesn't actually interact with the kids?

On the former, yeah CBeebies is crap parenting, so is bribary, so is driving to school not walking, so are any number of things perfectly good parents do sometimes but not constantly. It doesn't do any harm to be less than a saint sometimes. In fact it helps them learn down time is part of life too.

On the latter, I would be beyond fucking fuming with my OH if he didn't take an interest. I'm not sure what the answer is but I feel for you there.

SootySweepandSue · 23/10/2011 14:01

It's a shame your DH doesn't want to do more TBH. Yes, occasional tv day is fine but it would have been nice for him to take him out. It's got to be more relaxing to have a nice walk and some fresh air or a kick around with a football than to play games on an iPhone. It will be darkest winter soon too. What a selfish plod.

IndigoSunshine · 23/10/2011 14:02

Oh, missed the part that said he does it all the time - sorry! I'd make them go out. I was ill on Friday but dp took him out for a walk even though he has a broken hand. I wouldn't appreciate tv on all day everytime dp was the main carer for that day. I'd call him names and piss him off so much he would be running from the house with our little man!

vjg13 · 23/10/2011 14:04

Yabu. Yes, it's not 'text book' parenting but why can't you just leave them to get on with it. You can do things your way anytime.

Original poster

ditziness · 23/10/2011 14:04

Don't other parents, who work all week and only see their kids at weekends, want to take them to the park, take them swimming, read them a book? Isn't that far more fun, and don't you get far more out of your kids/life etc?

I'm no so daft as to think tv is the devil and one day is the end of the world. But dh never does anything else with him. (coincedently neither do dh's parents when they look after him)

OP posts:

Harecare · 23/10/2011 14:05

Agree with Saffron. My dp is the same. I wouldn't mind so much if he was watching along with them and commenting, but he doesn't he just continues working on the computer.

fedupofnamechanging · 23/10/2011 14:07

This isn't about your ds watching telly on this particular day, it's about your lazy arse dh never doing anything with him and leaving all the proper parenting to you. I'd be pissed off as well.

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 14:07

yabu

pickling · 23/10/2011 14:09

YANBU. its the childcare equivalent of that 'mum's night off' KFC advert. Mum cooks 6 nights a week, dad buys takeaway on the other night . If there is to be a day of watching tv whilst the adult does something else then it should be the primary care giver who gets the break.

moonshineandspellbooks · 23/10/2011 14:11

I think the trouble here is that the OPs DH clearly considers childcare to be 100% his wife's responsibility. THat's not on.

OP's DH works all week, so fair enough she's doing it all then and she's doing it well (park, friends, etc). On the weekends, therefore, the childcare should be split between the two parents equally, and with them also doing things as a family - not the OP still doing everything and the DH playing computer games all the time "whenever DH looks after him he's always stuck in front of the telly all day".

Somehow I suspect this OP does more than her fair-share of cooking, cleaning and laundry too.

Nothing wrong with a day in front of the telly. Quite a lot wrong with a father who is completely uninterested in his child and considers caring for that child to be his mostly his wife's responsibility.

thousandDenier · 23/10/2011 14:11

I think the issue here (as it would be for me) is that I'd secretly love to be able to shove DS in front of the telly for a couple of hours while I talk crap on MN.

But I just can't. So whenever DH does this I actually feel a bit jealous that he doesn't feel propelled by parental guilt to torture himself at Toddler Primal Scream Therapy or whatever fucking awful thing I take DS to in the name of Being A Good Mum

fedupofnamechanging · 23/10/2011 14:11

X posted. My dh works very hard all week, but at the weekend he takes the boys out to play cricket or football, he makes a point of reading to dd. If we are having a quiet day at home, dh plays with the dc, not all of the day, but certainly for some of it. Often he will watch a dvd with them or just chat.

I think it is wrong to basically ignore your ds all day and play with his phone.

Original poster

ditziness · 23/10/2011 14:12

I just Feel like he's teaching ds that there's nothing better to do of a weekend than sit and watch telly. I made myself get up today ( and actually feel much better! Phew) and went for a walk through the park with ds to tescos to buy milk, and ds came back with two sticks, a bag if leaves, blackberry stains and muddy knees, singing a new song about doggies. It wasn't a bug deal or exhausting, just a little walk and a some attention.

OP posts:

Meglet · 23/10/2011 14:12

Mine are currently ignoring cbeebies and making a den.

I have more tidying and laundry to do so cbeebies is staying on until bedtime.

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