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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that just putting cbeebies on is rubbish parenting

158 replies

ditziness · 23/10/2011 13:42

I've been ill this weekend, so was in bed all yesterday. DH was looking after DS (2.5) . Cbeebies on all day, DH playing computer games on his phone. I asked at lunchtime if he was going to take him out or do anything, but no, apparently he works all week so too tired to go out and do anything and ds asked for the telly on. Apparently I can get stuffed for interfering in what he's deciding to do if I'm not looking after him too.

Got to about 4 pm when I eventually persuaded him to take him to the local park for half an hour. It pisses me off as I spend all week taking ds places, giving him fresh air, excersuze, friends and fun, and if we are in the house then playing with him, reading to him. The telly rarely goes on, as I just don't think it's necessary so young and I want him to know that there's more to life than tv. (not that he never watches it atall, that's a bit dogmatic and unrealistic IMO).

I'm fed up that I can't be ill for a day, and expect his father to look after him properly and interact and go out with him. It's always the same, whenever DH looks after him he's always stuck infront of the telly all day.

Am I?

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 23/10/2011 20:56

At 5 DS has migrated to CBBC and he seems to want it on ALL the time, but as someone else said mostly as a backdrop to other things. I feel like a hypocrite for insisting it goes off as I too like to have something on in the background while I get on with stuff. I feel like a crap parent for allowing it, but on the other hand I'm not sure I really see the harm. He plays at the same time, or gets out his art stuff or practises his writing. I will generally insist cartoons go off, but programmes about wildlife, dinosaurs, children's adventure games - where's the harm really? Is it really that different from having the radio on?

AuntiePickleBottom · 23/10/2011 21:13

do you really take your lo out every day. To me that sound exchusting.

i work PT and i need the sunday of having a day in front of the tv and the kids can entertain themselves or watching a dvd together ect.

Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 21:30

Yes I really take my son outside everyday. If I didn't I would go mad, I need fresh air, sunlight and excersize. It's usually not anything massively complicated, a walk to the shop, a bike ride to the beach. But I feel it's very important for both of us to get out and about.

Look, horses for courses. I personally don't watch television apart from the occasion thing on 4od or iplayer. I've nothing against people who do watch tv though, I used to watch loads myself. Unless that's all they do and all they can think about. And I've nothing against people letting their kids watch tv. Unless that's all they do with them.

I shall have a proper calm chat with dh in a couple of days about it and try and figure out the issues. Thanks for the advice everyone, there's some excellent ideas and suggestions, plenty of good for thought! Thanks very much x

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 23/10/2011 21:36

You know it could just be lack of confidence on your DH's part. Also, it takes time to settle into looking after children when you're not used to it. I work full time and it takes me a while to adjust to the different mindset of being at home with the children. Maybe your DH just needs some ideas?

My problem is I have plenty of ideas but either no energy myself (having been at work all week) or they are foiled by DS who is knackered from being at school all week. I don't think he is harmed by the TV, although I do wish he didn't seem quite so addicted to it. He uses it as a starting point for imaginative games, we talk about what he's been watching, we read together every single night, he is constantly asking me questions about maths and reading. I think he's doing OK.

However, I would appreciate ideas from anyone who has managed to take a child who watches a lot of TV and cut it right down?

Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 22:04

I'm sure once ds learns to switch it on then he'll be wanting to watch it all day. Nothing awfully wrong in it. But I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a head full of childhood memories that didn't include tv? Anyone?

Anyone remember "why don't you?"

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 23/10/2011 22:08

I do, but didn't like it that much. But yes my memories are full of kids TV. The problem these days is that it is available all the time which it wasn't in our day.

BsshBossh · 23/10/2011 22:09

If your DH is using the TV in lieu of handson parenting each and every time and all day then HE is being unreasonable.

So many parents work long hours all week and yet spend quality time with their DC on the weekend. Him working hard and being tired is not an excuse for poor parenting.

BsshBossh · 23/10/2011 22:13

PS, I too have no problem with TV, but not on all day each time your DH looks after them.

Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 22:17

Yeah, it was only on at teatime and saturday morning eh? and so much of it is crap on cbeebies. Although I suppose that's subjective really. Ds must like it. Personally I only really put it on after dinner sometimes for in the night garden, or if he needs a poo and won't stay still long enough to have one and stories don't work, or if I desperately need to reply to an email or make a work call or something for 5 mins.

It amazes me just how much it influences him though, even in these small doses. He's obsessed with pepa pig , even though he's only seen 3 episodes on you tube, requests me to do the "round and round a little boat, no bigger than your hand" before he goes tosleep at night and frequently sings the bob the builder theme tune, although to my knowledge he's never seen it! Maybe at grandparents!

OP posts:
Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 22:19

Cheers bsshbosh ! X posts there. Right off to watch something on iplayer!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 23/10/2011 22:21

Maybe your DH is too tired to go out with the DC. (What is he doing instead? I can't imagine the 3rd viewing of Balamory or what ever is on loop today is exactly thrilling for your DH)

But to play devils advocate...I don't think it's unrealistic for a 2.5 yo never to watch TV.

AuntiePickleBottom · 23/10/2011 22:21

perhaps that is the problem, your DH may like a day in. It is tiring going out to work every day and spending so much time away from home.

i know from DH who works 6 days a week, that he wants to enjoy being in the home to do as little as possible......that is why Sunday is the day that we all relax ( not all the time mind i have taken my 2 DC to the park and to the nature reserve)

perhaps you could come up with something fun that doesn't mean leaving the house.

NotnOtter · 23/10/2011 22:27

can barely believe people think op is unreasonable

If its all her dp does with the kids that is terrible

op YANBU

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 22:48

I only let my kids watch tv if I have something important to do, or something unimportant to do, or if I just want to stare at the wall for a bit.

scotchmeg · 23/10/2011 22:56

I work all week and I certainly wouldnt be this slack. "I'm too tired" Isn't really an option with children. However, if you were well enough to a nag and persuade I'm wndering if you really needed a whole day in bed?
I don't know what your illness was so I may be out of line but "I'm too ill" is again not really an option in my book.
Not all day any way.

Knowing that you've been doing the fresh air and activity things all week, I don't really think it's unreasonable for your DH to think a day in watching TV wouldn't be the end of the world. However, I couldn't give the time of day to a man who could happily play on a mobile phone all day.. yawn, he sounds dull as!

loopylou6 · 23/10/2011 22:57

Well I have an extremely mature well rounded 12 year old and he used to watch the shiny shoe r, tweenies and come outside for hours at a time.

bugster · 23/10/2011 23:02

YANBU

TV is ok in very limited doses, but an entire day? I can imagine that for a teenager but a 2.5 yr old? It doesn't really matter what it is, some total ruvbish or something 'educational' virtually any other activities would be better for DS than TV. Can't believe some posters think children sitting in front of TV means they are 'learning to entertain themselves'. That happens when they learn to play and be creative.

Tv on in the background irritates the hell out of me.

gaelicsheep · 23/10/2011 23:05

Except the two things aren't mutually exclusive. Mine manages to play, be creative and have the TV on. As I said I'm not crazy about this, but as long as I think the content has some merit I don't mind too much.

I ask again, is there really much difference between having the TV on and having the radio on? The radio/background music irritates the hell out of me much more than TV strangely enough.

bugster · 23/10/2011 23:17

gaelicsheep i also prefer no radio or music unless it is really being listened to, but it very much depends on what it is - there's so much rubbish on the TV and radio, but listening to some good music or an interesting radio program is something I can do at the same time as household xhores. My older DD (6.5) has a radio/CD player in her bedroom and often listens to it while playing and that doesn't bother me. She can't just become a zombie in the same way as with television, she still has to visualise things rather than being fed images, much as reading stories with no pictures to young kids is recommended rather than picture books, as the imGination is stimulated so much more (my DCs still have lots of picturebooks though).

gaelicsheep · 23/10/2011 23:23

I suppose what I mean is that most of the time DS and I are only listening to the TV rather than actually watching it. I really don't know why I find that less irritating than radio. I think it's because I can SEE where the sound is coming from so I find it less distracting. Bizarre.

chippy47 · 23/10/2011 23:32

YANBU. DH sounds like a lazy fecker. I have no truck with the too tired excuse - what does he think his children are for? Sitting around making the house look pretty. He had them so needs to invest some time in them. And playing all day on a mobile phone -come on!

EightiesChickOrTreat · 23/10/2011 23:35

As has been pointed out, this isn't actually about a day of TV, it's about the dad her thinking that because the mum does all the hard work that's fine and he doesn't have to. It's not on. Plenty of dads work hard all week and still manage to take their kids out to the park, swimming etc at the weekend - my DH for one. That's parenting and the dads who just phonesit all the time (my term and I'm going to spread it far and wide) need to step up and do the job properly.

gaelicsheep · 23/10/2011 23:38

I genuinely think he needs some ideas for what to do with your DS. Men just don't think of this stuff, especially if they are not used to being the sole carer. (Incidentally, I have an issue with my 5 year old but I can state categorically that we never had the TV on much when DS was 2.5.)

Swankyswishing · 24/10/2011 00:38

Yet another man who thinks he can just be absolved from parental responsibility for HIS child, and yet another thread with "awww bless them men don't know how to do it/want to do it/find it hard" type comments on. Why should the OP have to give her husband ideas on how to look after HIS child? Why should she not moan about his laziness and about what a slack job he has done of looking after HIS child? Why should she be grateful? I'm sure he isn't grateful for her looking after their DS day in day out.

gaelicsheep · 24/10/2011 00:42

Perhaps the OP could job swap with her DH and see if she can just pick up where he left off without any tips from him. Parenting is a learned skill. It doesn't come easily to all women, let alone men, and looking after a child all day alone is different from interacting with them for a few hours with the other parent around too. I'm not excusing him, just suggesting a possible reason and a possible solution.