Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that just putting cbeebies on is rubbish parenting

158 replies

ditziness · 23/10/2011 13:42

I've been ill this weekend, so was in bed all yesterday. DH was looking after DS (2.5) . Cbeebies on all day, DH playing computer games on his phone. I asked at lunchtime if he was going to take him out or do anything, but no, apparently he works all week so too tired to go out and do anything and ds asked for the telly on. Apparently I can get stuffed for interfering in what he's deciding to do if I'm not looking after him too.

Got to about 4 pm when I eventually persuaded him to take him to the local park for half an hour. It pisses me off as I spend all week taking ds places, giving him fresh air, excersuze, friends and fun, and if we are in the house then playing with him, reading to him. The telly rarely goes on, as I just don't think it's necessary so young and I want him to know that there's more to life than tv. (not that he never watches it atall, that's a bit dogmatic and unrealistic IMO).

I'm fed up that I can't be ill for a day, and expect his father to look after him properly and interact and go out with him. It's always the same, whenever DH looks after him he's always stuck infront of the telly all day.

Am I?

OP posts:
IndigoSunshine · 23/10/2011 14:12

Could you not make plans in the week in preparation for the weekend? So that way if dp looks after him, activities and trips are already organised? Let your ds know about these plans so dp has no way of getting out of them. Oh and take a hammer to said iPhone :o

SixStringWidow · 23/10/2011 14:14

Nothing wrong with a bit of tele.

I think finding the balance is best.

My dd loves cbeebies, bloody hell she goes mad for the commercials too! Nothing wrong IMO. The tv is always on in our house but that doesn't mean that we don't read to her, play with her or take her out.

I wouldn't like my dd to grow up needing constant entertainment, I'd like her to be able to play by herself aswell.

NorfolkBroad · 23/10/2011 14:15

Nothing wrong with a bit of telly but not all day, this would annoy me too.

winnybella · 23/10/2011 14:15

The problem is that OP's DH apparently always does it when taking care of his DS.

Nothing wrong with an odd day of watching tv and not doing much else, but I would be pissed off if my DP was playing computer games all day and just wasn't bothered to do anything fun with his child.

pozzled · 23/10/2011 14:15

A little TV is fine, TV for a whole day occasionally is fine. A Dad who won't do anything with his child except watch TV is NOT fine. If it really is all the time (and I could understand you exaggerating a bit as you're feeling ill and annoyed) then I think you should be having words with your DH. Maybe ask him what his best childhood memories are of time with his parents, and what memories he would like to create for his DS.

We have a fair few weekends where we sort the house out, relax and DD1 watches a DVD. But we also take her to the park, library, see family, occasional day trip. It's all about balance IMO.

minxofmancunia · 23/10/2011 14:21

I get where you're coming from OP, we have tv on for a couple of hours a day max but I want them to learn to play creatively too so then it goes off. However apart from getting a bit of craft stuff out etc I don't play with them, I expect them to entertain themselves in the house, although I'll help them with jigsaws and read stories.

They go out for fresh air every day otherwise they're a nightmare, springing off the walls getting irritable. I've become a bit stricter with the tv since ds (just 2) started thrusting the remote at me and shouting "tv!" as soon as he came downstairs each morning Blush

Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 14:22

Toddler primal scream therapy! Hahaha! Brilliant. I kinda relate, but I'm not that bothered about making myself go to toddler groups. We do go sometimes, but if it's sunny or there's something I want to see at the museum or someone I need to meet, we'll do something else. Life goes on, even with a toddler. I always think that the week should be balanced between both of our needs, and maybe 60/40 my way as ds doesn't know what's explicitly for toddlers and what isn't. Doesn't matter as much to him.

Yeah I'm not damning tv outright, it has it's moments and some if it's lovely.

I worry though, I just feel like dh doesn't know what to do with him so default puts the telly on. He's not massively lazy, does do housework and cooking, not always all the time but then me neither some times. He just doesn't seem to be able to think of anything else to do with ds

OP posts:
MissPenteuth · 23/10/2011 14:46

I agree that it's not the TV that's the issue, it's that your DH doesn't know what to do with DS. It sounds like he's not keen on being told what to do though, but the deeper he gets into the habit of just putting the TV on, the more he's going to struggle with being more interactive. What about sticker books, or drawing/colouring?

Sirzy · 23/10/2011 15:44

As daft as it sounds have you 'shown' your dh what to do? Does he go out with you normally when he is off or does he really not know what his son likes and how to interact with him?

MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 16:58

Oh so what? I put DD infront of the TV when I want a break. There's nothing wrong with it...

ll31 · 23/10/2011 17:01

sounds slightly like ur doing a bit of competitive parenting to be honest - u mind the child and let him watch tv whereas I get up from my sick bed and take him on a nature walk... amn't I wonderful!

MidsomerM · 23/10/2011 17:09

YANBU. I don't think a day of TV will do any harm now and then, and if you were ill and on your own with him all day then it would be fine. But given that your DH was there, and that he works all week, I'd have expected him to do something nice with his son. So I'm not surprised you're annoyed.

Also, 2.5 is very young to watch TV all day I think.

sevenoften · 23/10/2011 17:12

Isn't it more like the unfairness that the father gets to do the easy stuff, which is OK in restricted doses, precisely because he knows that the mother will ensure it's balanced out by the other stuff which, as we all know, is much harder work.

If he had done something proper with him today, then tomorrow when she's by herself and still feeling a bit poorly, she can use CBeebies to give herself a break with a clear conscience. As it is, he watched TV all day yesterday, so that is now something that she can't use, or not as much.

It would annoy me too.

(It's like when the fathers buy the takeaway every week, which means the mothers don't have the money to do it when they want a break from cooking, or if they do, the diet has tipped too far towards the bad stuff. You share the easy stuff and the hard stuff.)

Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 18:09

We do usually do stuff together at the weekend, so he knows what to do. He just doesn't seem capable of igniting it. I think given the choice though, he'd always just stay in and watch tv. It's how he was brought up too. Last time his mum and dad had ds for the day they were proud that he'd sat on the sofa for 30 minutes wTching telly without wandering off!

And it wasn't a bloody nature walk, it was a 5 minute walk to tescos to get some milk that with a toddler becomes an hour long nature walk

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 23/10/2011 18:26

YANBU unless it's really wet outside I make sure the dc's go outside for at least an hour (ideally a lot more) every day. I remember watching an episode of supernanny once when she did a survey of how much exercise/outdoor time children have. It worked out that most have less than an hour which is less than prisoners get every day.

Your dh is being lazy and needs a kick up the arse and YANBU Smile

Original poster
ditziness · 23/10/2011 18:55

I agree, but how to kick him up the arse without him thinking I'm nagging him and telling him what to do?

Oh and he gave him some pasta I'd frozen for emergencies for lunch and a takeaway pizza for dinner!

OP posts:
Harecare · 23/10/2011 20:06

Maybe send him on the errand next time? Make sure he didn't take a buggy and just that little walk out would do them both good.

Witchofthenorth · 23/10/2011 20:16

Well I have to admit I now feel like the absolute worst parent in the world! Although I am Disney junior or nick jr rather than Cbeebies.

Husband works long hours through the week and I work all day on a Saturday so some sundays we just have a pyjama day and slob out a bit!

FabbyChic · 23/10/2011 20:20

Sorry but you are being unreasonable, knowing your working parent is there is enough, seeing them, talking to them, just knowing you can get a hug any time you want is enough for a 2.5 year old child.

You don't have to do things with kids all the time if you do you never make them self sufficient, or allow them to amuse themselves.

ballstoit · 23/10/2011 20:23

YABU to say that having CBeebies on = rubbish parenting.

YANBU to want DH to do something else with DS. Maybe he feels nervous about taking DS out on his own? I think a lot of men are worried that there will be an emergency they can't cope with or their child will have a tantrum and someone will think they are trying to kidnap a child or something. BIL and a couple of male friends have said they dread taking little ones out alone.

So, is there stuff he would enjoy doing in the house with him? Or do you have a car they could wash together? Would your DH take him swimming or to a friends/relatives house? I guess making it as easy as possile is the way forward. BIL and ex-H have both become more comfortable taking the DC out as they got older...BIL spends all day, every Saturday with DNephews while DSis is at work and takes them to the park or woods pretty much every week. He wouldn't have done when they were toddlers though.

Choose your battles...don't moan about the choice of dinner and him watching TV. Which is the highest priority for you?

ll31 · 23/10/2011 20:24

maybe he's just thought ur ds had his usual energetic fantastic wonderful wk with you and a day relaxing would be no harm...

You do clearly want to tell him what to do so maybe u should just be more straight forward about it and tell him or at least discuss it with him - but u know it is possible he may not agree with u about everything to do wiht parenting...

MeMySonAndI · 23/10/2011 20:27

But Cbeebies can be quite educational... I know a woman whose children could do makaton perfectly before they were ready to join reception. Admitedly, the TV was on in Cbeebies from the moment they woke up to the moment they went to bed...

The children are fine, I would go as far as saying they are extremely clever.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 23/10/2011 20:33

The point is flying sky-high above lots of peoples heads.... Whoosh - there it goes!!

Non-stop dawn-til-dusk TV days are, of course fine, every now and then.

But why should they always and only be when DH is in charge?

TastyMuffins · 23/10/2011 20:41

I had a husband like this, but I got rid of him and the telly, he couldn't be fixed. Now if he bothers to have contact with our DS, he puts him in front of the telly for the day...

PumpkinBones · 23/10/2011 20:43

YABU