To think that just putting cbeebies on is rubbish parenting

[ditziness]

I've been ill this weekend, so was in bed all yesterday. DH was looking after DS (2.5) . Cbeebies on all day, DH playing computer games on his phone. I asked at lunchtime if he was going to take him out or do anything, but no, apparently he works all week so too tired to go out and do anything and ds asked for the telly on. Apparently I can get stuffed for interfering in what he's deciding to do if I'm not looking after him too.

Got to about 4 pm when I eventually persuaded him to take him to the local park for half an hour. It pisses me off as I spend all week taking ds places, giving him fresh air, excersuze, friends and fun, and if we are in the house then playing with him, reading to him. The telly rarely goes on, as I just don't think it's necessary so young and I want him to know that there's more to life than tv. (not that he never watches it atall, that's a bit dogmatic and unrealistic IMO).

I'm fed up that I can't be ill for a day, and expect his father to look after him properly and interact and go out with him. It's always the same, whenever DH looks after him he's always stuck infront of the telly all day.

Am I?

Why do you have to leave home to get exercise? I don't. If I need fresh air, I can go in the garden. You don't HAVE to go to the park, or climb Kilimanjaro, you know !!
By the way, my kids have watched loads of tv today. They are watching it now. [hwink]
We've just come back from Sainsbury's shopping. Inbetween riding around on scooters and jumping on the trampoline and out in the garden playing with lightsabre's. Infact I haven't played with them at all. I've been too busy providing endless rounds of sandwiches, youghurts, snacks etc etc etc.

I do use CBEEBIES as a babysitter when I'm ill or like today when I'm ironing, packing for holiday and generally need to be at home.

Ocassionally, a lazy telly day isn't a bad thing.

I am pretty strict about going out and about at least once a day usually (other than the school runs).

And what is this Parenting, of which you speak? I have not come across this activity be3fore.
Does it mean being stuck to thme 24/7 and entertaining them every second of the day least they, god forbid, become BORED ? Being bored is an essential part of childhood. From boredom springs imagination and creative play. On your own. Not inititated by one of your paretns.
Try it. You might find its good for kids.
I built 3 tree houses and a death slide, through it. It aint THAT bad.

Haha I agree that being bored is an essential part of child hood. If I said I was bored I was told that only boring people are bored and to go away and find something to do. It's when i came up with my best mischief

I just wanted to qualify what I said about having TV on in the background to say that it always ALWAYS goes off if anybody comes around. I find it really rude to leave the TV on when you have guests. (Just in case anyone cares and was judging me!)

Oblomov, while I am quite certain that you and your children are happy, cared for and lovely people, your life sounds like hell to me! I'm also quite certain that you think mine sounds rubbish to you. But I'm sure we're both fine!

Ps- that isn't meant to be an insult in anyway.

I think the real OP is ' is my DH a lazy for not doing anything with ds when I am too ill to play with him?' it really isn't about the TV at all. If you both usually did stuff every weekend then this would not be an issue. So
YABU regarding the TV - its not a regular occurence so won't do any harm.
YANBU to think DH was being lazy, especially if you both work i.e. you would also be tired at the weekends but still make the effort

"OP's OH has as much right to parent in the way he chooses as she does, without critsism."

Slippery slope or what? If someone doesn't give their child a bath for six months, is that neglectful or is that 'their right to parent in the way they choose'? Whoever said they were amazed at the number of apologists on here is bang on. Clearly there are lines drawn where parenting can be criticised; it's a question of where to draw them - but the statement above makes it seem like anything is fair game.

Oh yes, 'competitive laissez faire' was the phrase someone coined to describe all this stuff. There's been a lot of it on this thread too, plenty of people who like to think they're superior to the 'helicopter types'. [hhmm]

YANBU, I would be annoyed that all the tv watching gets to happen on DH's watch.

eights I'm pretty sure that not bathing your child for 6 weeks would fall under 'neglect' which I said would be a different matter.
Letting your child watch TV from 11am until 4.30pm with a nap inbetween isn't neglectful.

There will be a lot of very bored adults around if theyre all spending their childhoods being entertained.

Also, that is so funny to say that people think they are superior because they don't "helicopter" what about the reverse - everyone piling on and saying they never let their kids watch more than 20 minutes of TV a day... blah... I think we all think our way makes us superior if you put it like that.

DC don't need constant "parenting" and those that have it grow up to be complete nightmares (IMcompletelyunscientificO) - but they do need some attention and interaction.

Somewhere between the polarised points of view lies a happy medium.

oblomov you are absolutely right that boredom and learning to deal with it are essential in childhood - but switching the TV on isn't the right way to deal with it. They need to think of other ways to occupy themselves through play. This is no problem for children, unless they have got used to being zombies in front of the TV. I completely agree children shouldn't be 'entertained' by adults and doing structured activities all the time. Unstructured time is vital for young children, as well as time with other children and outside. TV is something else entirely though.

Actually, I think regularly putting your children in front of the TV for hours is neglect.

OP you can tell your DH that my other half works long days all week too, but at weekends I go to work so he has to look after 2 kids all day, and cook and clean. I think they watch less TV with him than they do with me, he always manages to completely knacker them out!

Btw, I am not anti TV, DD1 is currently watching Lion King while DD2 is napping- had a really busy day out yesterday so today we all need a quiet day. Though after the film finishes I have promised her we will make cakes.

As ever, a little bit of everything in moderation seems to be the best way imo!

OP you can tell your DH that my other half works long days all week too, but at weekends I go to work so he has to look after 2 kids all day, and cook and clean. I think they watch less TV with him than they do with me, he always manages to completely knacker them out!

Btw, I am not anti TV, DD1 is currently watching Lion King while DD2 is napping- had a really busy day out yesterday so today we all need a quiet day. Though after the film finishes I have promised her we will make cakes.

As ever, a little bit of everything in moderation seems to be the best way imo!

To take the case in point made by the OP, sticking TV on all day for your son so you can play with your phone is rubbish parenting if done all the time. (Nothing wrong with it occasionally though).

Obviously, it's going to be tough getting this message over to the father, who maybe feels that they can't really interact much with a 2.5 yr old.

The big question is what kind of father this guy wants to be. Because if he wants to be the kind of father where the child wants to spend time with him (as a child or as an adult) then he's got to start being interesting to the child right now.

My wife's away from home with work this week, and I'm definitely second best because I normally don't get to spend lots of time with 3yr old DD. It also doesn't help that I normally have a lot on my plate and often work late into the evening. But even though I get that initial feeling of 'I can't play with you because I've got stuff to do' whenever she comes to me, it does disappear after a short while.

Plus, we've had great fun making Lego monsters that eat princesses this week (instead of watching Bedtime Hour).

OP - be diplomatic, so you don't get his back up. Best of luck.

I think its lazy to let them watch all day.

My DD is 2.4 and has had a couple of mornings this week where she has watched from 10 to 1.30 and then from 5.30 to 6.15. But DH is at work and I am 41 weeks pregnant. And even I managed to take her for an hours wander in the woods in the afternoon for a bit of fresh air.

So your DH is being a bit lazy I think !

Nothing wrong with TV in moderation tho. In "normal" times we turn on about 5.30 to 6.30 in our house. DD likes it - its relaxing when she is tired etc.

bugster gosh, neglect? really? Well, My DD has made me promise her that we can sit in our jammies and watch Nanny Mcphee and High School musical 3 on Sunday. That's 4 hours of TV which is actually more than OP's 11am until 4pm with the nap & lunch in between.

Would you like my address so you can send SS round?

scotchmeg I think it's a bit different if you will sit and watch it together, it's not just parking her in front of th TV so you can do something else.

Ok it seems a bit extreme, I only mean those situations when it is regular and done so that the adult can forget about the child.

Maybe it's different with an older child, but originally we were talking about a 2.5 year old. My DDs are 6.5 and 3.5 and I certainly wouldn't ever let them watch that much. How old is your DD?

YANBU at all OP.

I think other posters missing the point as doesn't seem to be about the pros/cons of TV watching but that DH does the easy option and doesn't play games/read to DC.

I dont understand some posters on here implying that if you dont want your dc to watch TV all day then you re necessarily intent on "entertaining" them all day, or constantly making them do "constructive" play..

Kids can have a lot of downtime and find things to do, without TV. In fact the telly is entertaining them, is it not?

OP YANBU and your husband is a) being a lazyarse, and b) missing out on time playing with his child.

ditziness I thought the same as you when I only had DD1, always entertaining her, thinking I was doing the right thing (now have DD2 and DD3 so far more laid back). I have ultimately made DD1 into a child who can't entertain herself. She's "bored" if I'm not taking her out or spending time with her. There's a massive difference between lazy parenting and every day spending your whole day entertaining and pleasing your child obviously but it won't harm once in a while, your DC watching TV for a few hours. Most kids switch off from
It anyway after so long and do other things.

This afternoon (after being up ALL night with 8 9 year olds having a sleepover for DD1's birthday party) I have chilled with DDs watching Nanny McPhee, Peppa Pig and Peter Pan. We had a fabulous afternoon then we all made chilli con carne together (they helped chop veg etc) and flapjacks for tea and I taught my 2 and 4 year old about spices. How people think watching TV for a few hours is neglect are being very OTT. We're not talking about drug addled parents smoking heroin and leaving kids in front of TV 24/7.

northernrock that's exactly what I was trying to say too. The fact that I'm not a TV fan doesn't mean I think children have to be entertained all the time; on the comtrary, I think they need time notbeing entertained, by parents or TV or anything else, so that they learn how to play. Allowing children long stretches of TV isn't not entertaining them; it is feeding them another form of external entertainment When they could be using their imagination, practising all kinds of skills, and learning for themselves how to deal with boredom and frustration. Time in front of the TV is time away from those beneficial activities, and sure that's fine in small doses, ecerything in modration, but hours of it regularly are harmful.

fannybanjo the chili making sounds great but I can't imagine 2 and 4 year olds spending hours at a stretch watching TV. Don't they want to run around outside a bit?