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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if other people feel trapped in a mediocre life

256 replies

neepsntatties · 23/10/2011 12:18

I am not living the life I hoped I would, I am lucky in lots of ways - healthy kids, decent job etc but it all feels a bit bland. I've made some big mistakes which mean I am not doing what I wanted and while what I do is not awful I feel a real sense of loss and sadness about it all. Marriage going through a difficult patch, kids lovely but I often feel trapped by them.

Is this just normal? Do other people feel like this? How do I accept my lot and stop feeling sorry for myself?

OP posts:
ionysis · 25/10/2011 08:04

Perhaps one of the posters who talked about her poor mother passing away had things right. Only once we have been through real grief and pain and suffering only then can we appreciate how good "normal" and boring and safe really is.

Whatmeworry · 25/10/2011 08:29

I'd love to hand my notice in, sell the house, take dd out of school and drive off in the camper van. Get a ferry out of Dover and see how far we get. But it's not going to happen. Dh would never agree, I'd worry too much about fucking up dds education, I'd worry about never getting back on the housing Market, never getting back into work and how that would affect my financial future, old age, etc. Worry, worry, worry. I wish I could live for today and not worry about tomorrow

One option is to rent your house and go for a summer. Everything i've read about home education shows that very few kids lose out by doing it and the additional education of travel is huge.

threeisthemagicnumber · 25/10/2011 09:05

This is such an insipirational thread to read.

I am in the middle of searching for something - not sure how to articulate what exactly it is.

We are a couple of months in to renting out out house and home-schooling our DCs to go and live somewhere else for a while. If I'm honest, even such a dramatic change hasn't given me the immediate change in perspective that I was expecting but I am starting to feel different - albeit too slowly for someone as impatient as me!

I am realising that it's important to distinguish how much of the dissatisfation is with my circumstances and how much is about the kind of person that I am. It's much, harder to accept the latter but I am trying.

ionysis I think experiencing real grief and pain (as I have within the last 6 months) can also motivate you to make the most of your life and the people around you. It can motivate a dramatic change as well as make you crave normality. For me, it woke me up to the fact that I was on a treadmill and not appreciating anything or anyone as much as I should.

DumSpiroScaro · 25/10/2011 09:14

Reading whatme's post has made me realise that part of my dissatisfaction stems from constantly having to consider the opinions of those I have little in common with and adjust the way I live my life accordingly.

I realise that compromise is part of being in a relationship of course, but sometimes it feels like it's only me that's doing it.

For instance, if it were financially possible (and it's not at the moment so fair enough), I would happily rent out the house and bugger off on an adventure with DD in tow. If I suggested as much DH would think I needed to be committed - I am having enough trouble at the moment getting him to agree to a cottage in Yorkshire next summer instead of camping 20 miles away in the county 'next door'...again!

vixsatis · 25/10/2011 09:19

Look at www.thehappinessproject.org

I'm a bit sceptical about some of it; but it's a good place to start

Blackduck · 25/10/2011 09:27

That Marge Simpson quote is sad....

I, too, have lost all ambition (if I ever had any), so though I am not in quite the position of the ionysis salarywise I understand the feelings. I too feel I am on a treadmill and counting down until I die (well thats depressing isn't it...) I have a nice house, good partner, lovely child and reasonable job, I am lucky, BUT and it is a huge BUT it is not enough. I envy dp's life, he actively enjoys his job and would spend 24 hours a day doing it, even if they paid him less. On the upping sticks with children, I did think about taking 3 months and buggering off with ds - dp was all for it - I wimped out, afraid I wouldn't find work when I came back (I had 9 months out of work and I was - literally - suicidal, I was worried I would never work again).

I have lost my best friend to cancer this year and another friend committed suicide and those two things do make you think, but ultimately I need a goal, something to stive for, but there's the rub - I don't know what!

toptramp · 25/10/2011 09:34

I do love my dd but I think that having children seriously hampers our freedom as women. i am sticking with one. Partly because my life back (not that it ever recovers completely) and partly because I am selfish and don't want to finance another plus I don't want to rush into meeting teh wrong man yet again.
I love dd so much but what fulfills me most is travel and adventure rather than relationships etc.

toptramp · 25/10/2011 09:34

I sound so selfish and I think I am.

toptramp · 25/10/2011 09:35

When I had my dd my world shrunk to 4 walls and yes I enjoyed some of it but a lot of it has made me frustrated beyond belief. I wouldn't change her for the world and I guess being a single mum is an adventure in itself.

ionysis · 25/10/2011 09:37

I relate to that - and also feel selfish. But I can't help thinking of all the things DH and I could be doing if we had no kids and the disposable income we would have to do them if not providing for future child costs. It was our choice though and there are other benefits.... Still think about it though

stickwithit · 25/10/2011 09:39

There are so many wise posts on this thread.

I was once asked a simple but (in retrospect) very significant question by a counsellor: what (not who) makes you happy?

I couldn't answer. I really couldnt think of what honestly made me happy and had to think for ages. I had sort of lost touch with myself and what makes me tick.

I realised over a period of time that some really simple things make me happy: being in water, reading, cats, gardening, being with friends. I wasn't really doing any of these things. So I took steps towards including these in my life: took a scuba diving course (wonderful mix of exhilarating and relaxing), got a rescue cat, found some good books, sorted out my garden, made more of an effort to see friends. For me this was the beginning of feeling happy again.

When things feel a bit empty I try to put my finger on what might make me happy and build this into my life. Obviously the simpler things are easier to achieve and this works for me but I do believe burning desires to do something big should be listened to if possible!!

ionysis · 25/10/2011 09:44

Thats a good post stickwithit. Maybe we are looking too BIG.

I've been trying to find the "life" that would make me happy (Building houses for the poor in Africa? Nope. Driving fancy cars and eating out all the time? Nope. Being a mother? Nope. Sucessful career worman? Nope.).

Maybe I should be starting with the little things (Singing along to cheesy music in the car? Tick. Going to marks and spencers? Tick. Being able to fit into my clothes? Tick.)

Blackduck · 25/10/2011 09:46

Oh Stickwithit I so get that. I have no idea what makes me happy anymore. I think I have spent a loooooooong time doing things because I felt I should, and for other people and I have got 'lost' somewhere. For me a manifestation of it was one a friend who hadn't seen me for a good while said 'Where are your rings?' and I realised I hadn't worn them in an age and it was one of my 'features' if that makes sense.

stickwithit · 25/10/2011 09:58

I am glad my last post made sense! I Blush actually have a list of things that make me happy because sometimes its easy to forget.

Blackduck hit the nail on the head- its easy to forget about yourself when so much of your time and energy is taken up with looking after the needs of family and friends and doing what we feel we 'should' be doing.

It can feel a bit self indulgent to do / buy something just for you but its a good lesson for DCs to see that you value your own happiness, and you they will benefit from a happier you (at least thats what I tell myself anyway)!!

Bugsy2 · 25/10/2011 09:59

I was struck by the post about not trying to fulfil other people's images of ourselves. However, I get stuck about the "passion" thing. The only things I am remotely passionate about are my DCs. I love them to bits & would do pretty much anything I could, if I thought it was the right thing for them. (Don't mean treating them like Princes/Princesses but really genuinely good stuff for them). However, I'm not sure that is "passion" as such, or just profound love. I sometimes wish I felt passionate about things - but I really don't. I'm intrigued to know, what do other people feel passionate about?

DoMeDon · 25/10/2011 10:01

Can I recommend live in freedom to anyone without a self help book phobia Smile

It has some good points about how to be happy and find inner happiness, challenges the idea that all comes from the outside. I read it when having relationship problems on the recommendation of my counsellor, some of it was a bit Hmm but it mostly addressed the kind of things that are coming up for posters here.

stickwithit · 25/10/2011 10:14

Bugsy just a thought, not sure how old your DC are and what their interest are but could your passion for them extend to being interested in getting involved with their preschool / school, brownies/ scouts , sports club......

I am passionate about DS too. He is number 1 on the list but other entries are: DP, scuba, children's welfare, flowers, swimming, good food, the great outdoors.

bintofbohemia · 25/10/2011 10:17

Oh God, this is exactly how I feel at the moment. I used to have a really interesting life, travelling about, doing all sorts, meeting people... I'm now a home hobbit having a rough patch in what feels like all the areas of my life (marriage, children and their behaviour, career, financial outlook, family relations, yadda yadda). Feel like jacking everything in and going to live in a tipi.

Off to read the thread properly.

Bugsy2 · 25/10/2011 10:22

stickwithit, DCs are 12 & 9 & I do lots of activities with them. We dinghy sail together, go swimming together, all the usual stuff- we are active people. My DS is autistic spectrum so not a club joiner at all & DD does after school clubs like ballet & netball - which I help with occasionally if there are special events at weekends - but I can't help on a regular basis because I work full-time. However, that said I don't feel any sense of passion about any of those activities. I enjoy them - but that is it. I never feel that anything ignites my soul - if that makes sense.

Hardgoing · 25/10/2011 10:24

Stickwithit yours is one of the most practical and sensible posts about this I think. You have to have an awareness of what makes you happy before you can look for it. It's quite sad reading the posts on this thread, many people seem to have woken up in the wrong life, somehow. But how did that happen? How can you go so off-course and not really notice?

I don't have it cracked, but what I do notice is that my friends who are happiest with their lot are those who have quite similar lives to before they had children. So, I still wear make-up and clothes I like (I look like me, in other words), go out to dinner with my husband (babysitter or family babysitting), do a similar job (which I find interesting) and have all my old friends from years ago (so phone them, have meet-ups, generally prioritise friendships where I can).

The friends I have who have struggled the most lost their identities when they embraced motherhood, and often put massive pressure on themselves to be the perfect homemaker/co-sleeping/earth mother. For one or two, this was a great fit and they have loved it, but for several more, it just wasn't them. They now find themselves stuck at home a lot or doing rather unintellectually stimulating jobs and wondering if this is it. I also notice that the friends who went full-out for the motherhood ideal dropped a lot of old friends or just don't prioritise friendships, now they feel lonely as they have a few new mummy friends but these aren't the deep friendships they had in the past.

I think it's important for mothers to reconnect with their own identity (which presumably you had a bit before motherhood), look like themselves and do the things which they like to do. It sounds very selfish, but actually, if you look at a lot of husbands, they do their hobbies, they dress how it suits them, and they often work in jobs which make them feel important (even if they are not:)) I also think keeping a connection with old friends is important, as they know who you were before you had children. I think if there's a massive disconnect between your past and your present with children, it can make you resent the children, whereas I feel like the same person I always was, with a couple of kids in tow, it's a different feeling.

SnowInMay · 25/10/2011 10:30

DumSpiroScaro, your frustrations, e.g. your DH only wanting to holiday very locally and being content with limited horizons, reminds me so much of Diana Athill short story 'Rain it hath a friendly sound', recently read on Radio 4. First published i 1962, I think. Interesting to me that for all that our world has changed, we may have more in common with the frustrations of our mothers and grandmothers than I realised. Perhaps the common denominator is that of children, who equal = accepting certain compromises and limitations, at least for the short term. Putting up with less than ideal scenarios for the sake of calm and continuity. Just musing, no answers to give.

But on the other hand, having just mentioned Diana Athill, there's a lady who, ok, never married or had children, but who remained something of a 'handmaid' to others' dreams for a long time as a literary editor, yet now has taken off very much in her own right as an author. Currently age 93 and as vibrant and dynamic as ever, it's not 'all over' by age 40, not by a long chalk.

gypsycat · 25/10/2011 10:35

I think it's only natural to always want more or to think the grass is greener on the other side. When I was single and traveling the world and partying every night, I wanted a loving husband and children. Now that I have a loving husband and baby #1 on the way, there's part of me that thinks of all the things I didn't get to do when I was single!

I think the test is how we deal with this. Do we fall into depression and become cranky old harpies, or do we say c'est la vie and move on with our lives with the odd whistful thought of what could have been.

BoffinMum · 25/10/2011 10:40

Baby steps here

I was in a meeting with a top educationalist recently. He announced over coffee that he had recently realised his ambition to be a racing driver probably wasn't going to be fulfilled now. He was serious. I think we all have moments where we wonder what we are doing in life, and that's fine, as long as we shuffle things around to make ourselves a little happier in an everyday sense.

CaptainNancy · 25/10/2011 11:05

What an interesting thread. I shall return when I have something useful to contribute.

wicketkeeper · 25/10/2011 11:07

I think it's very easy to compare yourself to others in a negative way. Other people seem to be happier/prettier/better off than you. There will always be people who seem happier/prettier/better off than you. The secret is not minding.

And remember that the important word is seem - you have no way of knowing just how happy/unhappy they really are, or how hard they have to work to maintain their looks, or how much money they really earn (or really owe).

And of course there are always going to be people who are not so happy, not so pretty and not so well off as you. Always.

And the idea of 'making the best of it' is a cliche, but a good one. A friend of mine, who'd had a promising career as an optician, found herself as a SAHP for a variety of reasons. She went out and bought a Delia Smith book, and announced that if she had to be a housewife, she would be bloody good one.