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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

please help solve a domestic dilemma

124 replies

MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:35

Quick background: we had DC1 a DD 5.5months ago, since then obviously our (DP & I) attendance at any social functions has been minimal... OH has been 'out with the boys' maybe 2/3 times in that period, the only social things I have been to have been work related ie mid-week with clients (I returned to work after 9wks, DP is a SAHD).

So... the dilemma- this Saturday is my Mum's B'day an DP's cousin's B'day. My Sister had planned dinner/drinks for my Mum (either for all of us or just the 3 of us) and the cousin is having a party. We can't move Mum's to Fri or Sun as Mum works Saturday and we all work Monday.
DP wants to go to his cousin's party, I want to go out with Mum. The only babysitter we have is my Mum.

I appreciate that we chose to have DD so these things happen but feel like if we can't do both we should do neither. AIBU? DP is having a strop and saying he's going to the party regardless...

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheBogey · 22/10/2011 11:38

I totally disagree with the if we can't do both we should do neither approach. But I also really disagree with stropping because your DH isn't getting his way. I'd toss a coin on this occasion and whoever loses out gets first dibs next time.

Megatron · 22/10/2011 11:38

Could you go to your mum's with DD and your DP go to his cousins party? Would your DD settle in her pushchair if you took her?

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 22/10/2011 11:41

Tell your DP to stop being an immature twat and grow up.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:43

Megatron- no both would need one of us to stay home. My Sister and I both really wanted to have a proper night out with Mum. She's early 50s, single and strapped for cash so it's a big treat for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:45

I guess I feel like my mum looks after DD whenever we ask to allow us to go out (not often to date but still...) so she deserves it. DP's Cousin will still have his party whether he's there or not

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 22/10/2011 11:45

Can't you do both on the same night? What time is the party going on till?

Couldn't you go out for dinner at 7.30 and say with your mum till 10.30 or 11, then your DP could go to the party? You could spend the night at your mum's.

worraliberty · 22/10/2011 11:46

Toss a coin

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 22/10/2011 11:48

So he's not even discussing it?

He knows one of you has to stay at home and look after your daughter and he's just thrown a tantrum and decided it will be you?

squeakyfreakytoy · 22/10/2011 11:48

Babysitter?

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:50

Imperial- unfortunately not. Neither is suitable for DD, so one of us really has to stay home. Sister and Mum are going out in town (and I'm paying- so really would like to be there!) Mum only lives round corner so staying somewhere isn't the issue.

OP posts:
vanimal · 22/10/2011 11:50

If its just you, your sister and mum, could you move it to the following weekend and explain to her why?

If she cares for your DD on occasion anyway she would probably understand your situation re lack of babysitter?

fortifiedwithtea · 22/10/2011 11:50

Let DP go to cousins party and you + DD go out with mum and sister. As sister had said she was planning for either all of you or just 3 or you, surely she was thinking baby would come too it you went for the all of you option.

Don't be a dog in a manger. You can both enjoy an evening out, just not together.

borderslass · 22/10/2011 11:50

Let me get this right you work and don't go out socially, DP is SAHD goes out with the boys and throws a strop over a family night out for you. He needs to grow up IMHO.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:50

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes- got it in one!

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 22/10/2011 11:51

Can't you invite your mum and sister to yours for a little birthday celebration and take your mum out for lunch the following day. Really not worth having a row over. You all need to compromise.

Vibrant · 22/10/2011 11:52

It should be up for debate, not him deciding he's going regardless. But that aside, couldn't you do something with your mum and sister where you take your dd along, or have them over and do something nice at home - and then have the big night out next weekend?

squeakyfreakytoy · 22/10/2011 11:52

Do you honestly not have any friends who could babysit for you? Where are your partners parents?

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:54

The whole point was for mum to have a night out so staying at home kind of defeats that... she never really has the chance to let her hair down a bit. The 'all of us option' didn't really include DD, Sis hadn't realised that all of OH's family would all be at a party and I guess hoped that we could bring her for dinner and DP would take her home.

OP posts:
fortifiedwithtea · 22/10/2011 11:54

Oh seen your post to Imperial. You do have a problem. Flip a coin or change the date.

squeakyfreakytoy · 22/10/2011 11:55

How about your partner taking the child to his cousins party if all his family are going to be there?

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:56

Squeaky- no we don't most of our friends have no experience of babies at all, apart from one who had DS3 yesterday! And she is our PFB and only little so neither of us are keen to leave her with just anyone- only my mum has had her for any really length of time before other than one friend of mine who lives 35miles away :(

OP posts:
NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 22/10/2011 11:56

Which was organised first?

It's not good that he thinks it's acceptable to tell you that he is going out and that's it, your plans mean nothing and your daughter and her care is your problem.

I can see you having a lot of this over Christmas if he wants to go out then and your Mum can't babysit.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:58

They will all be drinking and I really dont think its a good environment for her. It starts after shes usually in bed.

Sorry- I know this seems like I'm making it more difficult than it needs to be :(

OP posts:
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/10/2011 11:59

Mum trumps cousin. End of.

ImperialBlether · 22/10/2011 11:59

I think this has just highlighted the fact that you really need to get another babysitter for those days when your mum can't make it.

Isn't there anyone you can think of who could babysit? Does your DD sleep through?