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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

please help solve a domestic dilemma

124 replies

MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 11:35

Quick background: we had DC1 a DD 5.5months ago, since then obviously our (DP & I) attendance at any social functions has been minimal... OH has been 'out with the boys' maybe 2/3 times in that period, the only social things I have been to have been work related ie mid-week with clients (I returned to work after 9wks, DP is a SAHD).

So... the dilemma- this Saturday is my Mum's B'day an DP's cousin's B'day. My Sister had planned dinner/drinks for my Mum (either for all of us or just the 3 of us) and the cousin is having a party. We can't move Mum's to Fri or Sun as Mum works Saturday and we all work Monday.
DP wants to go to his cousin's party, I want to go out with Mum. The only babysitter we have is my Mum.

I appreciate that we chose to have DD so these things happen but feel like if we can't do both we should do neither. AIBU? DP is having a strop and saying he's going to the party regardless...

OP posts:

diddl · 22/10/2011 14:13

Then you can have drinks another time

Maryz · 22/10/2011 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsChinandlerBong · 22/10/2011 14:16

Mama I wonder if you are near me? Same-ish area and no babysitting services etc within a huge radius. We're hundreds of miles from civilisation here .

I hope you and DH come to some sort of arrangement for next weekend.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 22/10/2011 14:18

Look, sorry, but YABU. Because it's pretty clear that what you actually intend is to stay at home, whining resentfully, while your H goes to the party and then make his life hell over it indefinitely. You're not interested in any other option or compromise. You really need to lose the martyr streak, it doesn't make for a happy home at all.

trixymalixy · 22/10/2011 14:18

I feel for you all too, it's a nightmare when you don't get many nights out and sod's law you have two on one night.

How about you just all go to the cousin's party, your Mum too

Original poster

MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 14:23

SolidGold- I've just said I'll speak to him and see if Diddl's suggestion would be a good compromise. I guess it hadn't occured to me as I thought it would be too late. I absolutely want to be able to spend the night with my Mum and Sister. We havn't had a night out together in over 18months.

OP posts:

Bohica · 22/10/2011 14:27

So DP is looking after the baby all day Thursday and all Thursday night and all day Friday on his own and then wants to go out and have some fun on Saturday night because he has been home alone. He did go the wrong way about it but I can see his point.

You could do many of the suggestions in this thread, ie pick baby up at 10, re-arrange your night for another one in the future, ask a collegue to help etc

It's a pain but can be solved if you were both willing to compromise and it doesn't sound like either of you are willing What has you DP actually said about saturday night?

Bohica · 22/10/2011 14:28

x post Could you do another night during the week or all book a day's holiday some time next month and make a whole day of it?

Have you spoken to your mum about it yet?

screamingbohemian · 22/10/2011 14:29

I think Diddl's suggestion makes the most sense.

Or maybe -- not ideal, but your sister could take your mum out next week, and you could take your mum out the week after? Then she can go out twice!

Not the same as going out all together but better than nothing.

trixymalixy · 22/10/2011 14:31

Or do something in your house with your Mum this Saturday and have the big night out in a couple of weeks?

catsareevil · 22/10/2011 14:32

There must be someone who could babysit for you, if neither of you are able to compromise. Do you have any frineds who arent going to the party? Even someone who doesnt have their own child? Do you know anyone who works as a nursery nurse, or a childminder? or a colleague with an adult child?

Maryz · 22/10/2011 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixymalixy · 22/10/2011 14:38

How close is the cousin's birthday party to your house, could your DP's family tag team babysit with each doing 1/2 an hour to an hour until you get back?

cottonreels · 22/10/2011 14:57

Mum trumps cousin - easy.

Maryz · 22/10/2011 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

margerykemp · 22/10/2011 14:59

Just have your Mum's do the next Saturday. Now that we have DCs we often have to delay family birthdays to well after the event to get a sitter. It's a fact of parenting life,.

ImperialBlether · 22/10/2011 15:08

I can't believe some people thought a baby should go to a 30th birthday party. I've read the threads where people believe children should be invited to weddings (regardless of whether the bride and groom want them there) but I didn't realise this extended to birthday parties.

I can't imagine a worse evening for a baby, never mind the other guests.

Bohica · 22/10/2011 15:20

Imperial It's a family party not a rave! I've got pictures of all of mine children asleep on various chairs at family parties over the years.

I had a suprise 30th for my B'day, it wouldn't have been the same without the children there.

trixymalixy · 22/10/2011 15:24

I had kids at my 30th. It was a family party.

VelvetBag · 22/10/2011 15:32

Once this is over are you going to do something?
Research about local babysitters, CMs, Nursery workers. Let your friends and collegues to get involved with your dd.
Do some favours to friends so you have 'credit in the bank'.

Unless you want to have this everytime and to stay in for the next 18 years.

I cannot understand why couples don't prepare about babysitting and wait until there is a birthday or wedding and then they are 'poor martyrs' who cannot attent.

NinkyNonker · 22/10/2011 15:39

If his event is a party involving lots of people it is hard to re-arrange, so perhaps he goes to it and you do birthday meal the following weekend?

Original poster

MamaGeekChic · 22/10/2011 18:11

Bohica- DP won't actually be looking after her all that time as my Mum has her on a Thurs to give him a break.

I'm hardly out having a great laugh for 60 hours a week, I am working, to you know... provide for my family. He has been out only 2/3 times since she arrived but I haven't been out at all. I'm either working or with DD.

Haven't had a chance to speak to sis (on holiday) or Mum (at work) but I will do. Thanks for the suggestions.

OP posts:

vanimal · 02/11/2011 14:41

Hi MamaGeekChic what happened?

Did you get your night out in the end?

Andrewofgg · 02/11/2011 14:44

Agree with Toss a Coin but since these two will have the same birthday till one of them joins the majority you should agree that in future years you take it in turn.

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