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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross DS was allowed near a child with chickenpox?

74 replies

SuiGeneris · 22/10/2011 07:16

Earlier this week our nanny let DS go on a pre-arranged playdate even though the other kid had spots which his nanny thought might be chickenpox. DS is under 2 and am pregnant. Nanny knew all of the above but was not sure what chickenpox was (not a native speaker). She texted me (knowing I was at a work event where I'd have my mobile off) and when there was no answer she just went ahead.
Now we are worried about DS, may have to cancel an overseas trip for an important family birthday and have had to cancel 3 out of 4 planned social engagements as the other parties were not immune. AIBU?

OP posts:

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 22/10/2011 07:24

If not sure what chicken pox was, can I ask how she knew what the spots were?
Was it in fact chicken pox? have you found this out for sure now? Are you in UK? in UK we do not routinely immunise against chicken pox as it is a normal expected childhood disease. Why have you had to cancel social engagements already? you do not at this stage know if it is chicken pox and if your DS even has it. He certainly won't have it yet even if he was in contact.

I personally would be a little bothered by possibly being in contact while pg, depending on what stage of pg you are, but everything else sounds like a major over-reaction for potentially no reason whatsoever.

CoteDAzur · 22/10/2011 07:32

YABU. CP is a normal childhood disease, not Black Death. Besides, you don't even know if the child's spots were chicken pox.

popadop · 22/10/2011 07:34

You are being unreasonable employing someone to look after your DS that does not know what chicken pox is !

ScaredTEECat · 22/10/2011 07:37

YABU. Massive overreaction.

birdsofshoreandsea · 22/10/2011 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lolaflores · 22/10/2011 07:48

Read up on the subject a wee bit. Then leave clear instructions for the nanny or perhaps employ someone a bit more experienced. Alternatively you can arrange another way of contacting you when you have your phone off so the nanny can get your express orders!

Calm down dear

needanewname · 22/10/2011 07:55

I don't necessarily think you are overreacting.

Whilst chicken pox is seen over here as a normal childhood disease, dd1 caught when she was 3 and was quite seriously I'll with it. One pox near her eye was got very badly infected and we had to rush to the hospital for treatment.

Have since seen photos of other children with it looking as bad as dd1 who unfortunately died from complications.

I don't say this to scare you, just keep a close eye on him.

Dd2 caught it from dd1, she was only 4 months and she had about 6 spots in total and was absolutely fine.

If it's confirmed ad chicken pox then yes don't go to the parties etc unless people express they are fine with you going

CamperFan · 22/10/2011 07:59

I disagree with the above poster - you ARE overreacting as all kids get chicken pox at some point. It is impossible to avoid it. Save the worrying about complications until he actually has it/is exposed.

needanewname, I am not being flippant about your DD, I'm sorry there were complications, what a worry.

lazylula · 22/10/2011 08:12

There are of course complications of chicken pox but unless my child actually had it I would not be making any changes to my social calendar. If I did, I would have spent months at a time confined to the house in the last 3 years after both ds' have had contact with it. We are still waiting for it to happen. It would probably have been better if your nanny had not taken him to see the child but you are over reacting in my opinion, there is no guarantee he will get it.

Aftereightsaremine · 22/10/2011 08:19

Yabu. I took mine to chicken pox parties & then held parties at home when they had cp. It was a great way for children to play with their friends.

2BoysTooLoud · 22/10/2011 08:23

I can see why you are upset as your over seas plans could be messed up if ds gets chicken pox.
Your Nanny did try to get hold of you - perhaps she needs more contacts for this type of situation- partner? Friend?
Double check that the other child does have chicken pox.

CadleCrap · 22/10/2011 08:25

My DS has been in contact with loads of kids that have been in the infectious stage of CP, he was even licking one kid (long story). Has never caught it.

YABU and overreacting.

hellhasnofury · 22/10/2011 08:29

Isn't chicken pox infectious before the first sign of spots? If your child has been around this other child at any point in the last two weeks or so then they may have picked it up.

My kids seemed to manage to avoid all the chicken pox outbreaks at play group and nursery only to pick it up from goodness knows where when none of their friends had it (indeed none of their friends caught it from them either)

welliesandpyjamas · 22/10/2011 08:31

if you have had CP as a child yourself, then nothing to worry about while pregnant
a nanny who knows about the most basic childhood illnesses would be a good idea
best that your son gets CP at some point in childhood rather than get a more painful version of it as an adult

Panicky moment as a parent? Then yanbu as long as you then stand back and look at the facts calmly. But if not then yabu.

KittyFane · 22/10/2011 08:41

YABU - nanny phoned to ask but as you wern't available, she made a decision in your absence. Isn't that what you em

KittyFane · 22/10/2011 08:41

...employ her to do?

wannaBe · 22/10/2011 08:49

yabu to cancel social engagements on the off chance. Might as well not have a life as you'll probably walk past infectious children every day in the street without your knowledge as CP is at its most infectious before the spots actually appear.

And yabu to not be contactable - what if something serious happened to your child and your mobile had been switched off?

I am struck by the fact that you have overreacted so massively to what is essentially a harmless illness (yes some children develop complications but this is very rare), and yet you are quite happy to be uncontactable in a case of potential emergency? (the cp issue not an emergency, but there's no knowing there might not have been).

ladyintheradiator · 22/10/2011 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinkyandGhoulishDorito · 22/10/2011 08:55

I am under the impression that chicken pox is most contagious before the spots show up and the first day they are there. It's very difficult to avoid it because of this, especially as there's loads about at the moment and young children on play dates will mix with many potential carriers.

I'm in a difficult position with this at the moment as DD has leukaemia. She is now back in school, but she needs to be careful around the dreaded pox. However, the hospital has said that because she has had it herself, she should have some immunity to it although she will still need treatment. But they confirmed what I thought, it's most contagious before the spots show up so is hard to avoid.

The other thing is I can completely understand you wanting to avoid it whilst pg, but your child needs to have it young in order to develop their own immunity. Catching it as an adult is more dangerous, especially for boys. When anyone gets the pox around us, everyone leaps to have a play date as people want it out of the way.

scarevola · 22/10/2011 08:59

Yes, you will be infectious for a couple of days before the spots show.

There is no requirement to quarantine a non-symptomatic contact.

But if you feel you must, for heavens sake do it properly. That means full isolation for the full incubation period, which js 21 days. Any less, and you may as well not have bothered.

BagofHolly · 22/10/2011 09:01

I don't think you're being U. Chicken pox for some particular groups is a MASSIVE deal, and it's all too easy to minimalise the dangers of it. My eldest's nursery didn't bother to tell me they had an epidemic of it - one of the other mums mentioned it - and I was terrified as I was pregnant at the time and had never had it. Also at that time MIL was having some very aggressive cancer treatment and an infection would have killed her. it does sometimes seem that some people only think about the child in this situation, not the wider group with whom they come into contact.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 22/10/2011 09:08

Generally speaking I'm of the mind to be unconcerned about CP and would probably purposefully expose and healthy school age child.

However given that you are pregnant and have a flight booked shortly I would not have been happy to knowingly expose. It's a shame she couldn't contact you.

If ds is regualrly in contact with this group of children than it's wholly possible he'd already been exposed as it's infectious before they're spotty.

fluffywhitekittens · 22/10/2011 09:16

I would say you are not BU to be cross, as you are pregnant and are planning a holiday.
However I also agree with others that the nanny should be aware of childhood illness.

QOD · 22/10/2011 09:17

My niece is horribly bran damaged from being intentionally exposed to chicken pox - the highlight on intentionally is key - life goes on, you have to ride it out.
The nanny did try to contact you, yab(a little bit)u for being uncontactable when you have a small child anyway.
Deffo over reacting by cancelling social engagements

LoveBeingAWitch · 22/10/2011 09:21

How can you be mad at her when she doesn't know what it is? If you haven't given her instruction about coming into contact with others who are ill when you have such strong feelings is also wrong.

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