Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross DS was allowed near a child with chickenpox?

74 replies

SuiGeneris · 22/10/2011 07:16

Earlier this week our nanny let DS go on a pre-arranged playdate even though the other kid had spots which his nanny thought might be chickenpox. DS is under 2 and am pregnant. Nanny knew all of the above but was not sure what chickenpox was (not a native speaker). She texted me (knowing I was at a work event where I'd have my mobile off) and when there was no answer she just went ahead.
Now we are worried about DS, may have to cancel an overseas trip for an important family birthday and have had to cancel 3 out of 4 planned social engagements as the other parties were not immune. AIBU?

OP posts:
KCEHNR · 22/10/2011 09:23

Get your child immunised.

needanewname · 22/10/2011 09:25

Camperfan I actually agree with you. Jst wanted to point out that it isn't always so harmless and think people should be aware.

Dd1 is fine, thought dd2 would get it again
Seeing as she got it very mild

Lara2 · 22/10/2011 09:26

YABU - what would you have done if DS had been at school and they had an outbreak there? Cancelling social things because of chickenpox??? Are you sure???

HeidiKat · 22/10/2011 09:34

I would contact the other parent to find out exactly what the spots are, it might not be chicken pox at all but something milder like hand foot and mouth which has been going round near me recently and is not harmful in pregnancy, might put your mind at rest a bit. I understand why you want to be careful while pregnant but you can't really avoid things like chickenpox if your child is in contact with other children, goes to toddler groups etc, your child will get childhood illnesses.

ScaredBear · 22/10/2011 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkytheshrunkenhead · 22/10/2011 09:36

get a bloody grip

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 22/10/2011 09:39

Nice sensitive responses there Hmm

lazylula · 22/10/2011 09:40

HeidiKat has a point, both ds' have had hfm this week and when ds2 first came out with it we thought it was cp as he had spots around his ankles (thought possible flea bites as we were in a holiday caravan at the time) and then on his torso and bottom. It wasn't until the blisters on the palms appeared that I realised what it was, along with the sores in the mouth he had had for a day or 2. Definitel worth contacting the other parent, but I still think you are over reacting for cancelling things incase unless the children involved are immuno compromised.

Original poster
SuiGeneris · 22/10/2011 09:45

To clarify: the other kid does have chickenpox and his nanny had strong suspicions that his spots were it, hence warning our nanny about it. The incubation period is up to 21 days and one is infectious from 2 days before the spots appear, so although he might look ok now, if we saw our friends without immunity and he came out with spots tomorrow, they would be exposed. I think it's only fair to warn people of the possibility: so far everybody we've told who's not immune has decided not to take the chance.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/10/2011 09:51

I would be more worried that YOU are exposed to it, being pregnant!!!

Your ds will be fine

Original poster
SuiGeneris · 22/10/2011 10:04

To those who say it is unreasonable to be uncontactable: are you never in situations where having a mobile on is just not possible? Nanny did have DH and grandparentx4 details: she just chose not to call themAngry

OP posts:
CuntryManner · 22/10/2011 10:08

Isn't Chicken Pox contagious in something like the 72 hours before the spots appear?

ScaredBear · 22/10/2011 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2BoysTooLoud · 22/10/2011 10:12

I would not worry about you being pregnant UNLESS you haven't had chicken pox before.
I do understand why you are upset op as chicken pox can be bloody inconvenient.
Vaccination is something I may think about for my children [if they don't get the pox first!].

clam · 22/10/2011 10:14

I'm usually "laid-back mum" about these sorts of things, but in this case I don't think YABU. For most people chicken pox is a routine childhood illness (although my DD had it terribly as a 4mo baby and it was an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone) but if it's highly likely to impact on your plans for the next few weeks then I can see why you're hacked off.
Sure, CP can creep up on you unawares and you'd be unreasonable to curtail all your plans on the off-chance, but the nanny had a heads-up here and ignored it.

Northernlurker · 22/10/2011 10:15

YABU. Your nanny asked for your opinion and you didn't get back to her. She's a nanny not an expert on infectious disease. Chicken pox is endemic in this country and the autumn is a peak time. There will be lots of kids around incubating it.

Re not contacting anybody else - have you told her to hound family members till she gets an answer about your child's playdate? Hmm

I think you sound unreasonably pissed off with your nanny. She will not do everything exactly as you would. That's part of the compromise you make when you use chidcare. If you want absolutely everything to be done as you would do it then you have to do it yourself. Did your nanny try to check? Yes. Is your son being encouraged to make friends and play with other dcs? Yes. Stop moaning.

2BoysTooLoud · 22/10/2011 10:17

I thought spring was peak time? Seems it is around all sodding year.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 22/10/2011 10:21

She isn't overacting, chicken pox can be very dangerous for pregnant women and their babies

TheBrideofFrankenstein · 22/10/2011 10:23

I actually think YANBU. Yes, most kids get CP at some point, but this is a really crap time for your DS to get it, as you are going overseas, and I think the nanny shouldn't have gone to the playdate as she wasnt sure what CP was.

Northernlurker · 22/10/2011 10:28

2 boys - Spring and autumn - in the British climate - yes effectively all year. Grin

Chicken pox is a possible risk to pregnant women in the first trimester or right before they give birth. It is very unlikely to cause problems at any other time and even then that is only if you develop it which most people won't having had it as children when nanny accidentally exposed them. For parents of toddlers it is impossible to avoid so there is no need to hang draw and quarter the nanny for that!

auntpetunia · 22/10/2011 10:30

YABU, in my dds class of 30 one boy was sent home with cp, two weeks into the term. So far Only one other child has developed cp, obviously we parents are on the lookout but the chances are most of the kids won't catch it. You are mad to be cancelling social engagements on the off chance. I shared a bunk bed on a residential holiday with my best friend, 3 days into trip she went home with cp I never caught it!

higgle · 22/10/2011 10:38

I suffered a miscarriage when I caught chickenpox from DS1 -I can't say for certain it caused it but my feeing was that it did, and that made it even more traumatic. It was also even worse going through it feeling so very ill with the CP on top of it all.

dublinmom · 22/10/2011 10:43

The incubation period means from the time a child is exposed they will come out with chicken pox in 14-21 days. They are not contagious the whole time. Mostly contagious 24-48 hours before spots appear until the spots crust over (generally only a few days).

Chicken pox can have side effects, but USUALLY isn't serious at all. Truly, truly it isn't. If you are pregnant, if you have had chicken pox yourself you (and the baby) will be completely fine.

Try not to worry. Everything will probably be fine. And if you have to cancel your social engagemnets, these things happen. Your DS (or yourself) could easily come down with something else and you'd have to miss them. That's ife with a small child.

Take care of yourself, pregnancy can make your mind crazy and so can having a childminder. You're going to be okay.

diddl · 22/10/2011 10:52

As said, if you´ve had CP, then that should be OK as far as your baby is concerned.

However, if your nanny doesn´t know what CP is, why didn´t she just go home with your son anyway?

That would concern me tbh.

diddl · 22/10/2011 10:54

Also, why didn´t the other nanny phone OP if her nanny´s English isn´t that good?

For those saying it´s a mild illness...but isn´t it OPs decision to make re her child about exposure or not to CP?