to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

[DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer]

YY to balloon slayer email. she's not really a friend.

She is an insenstive cow, who when you've sent the email you won't have to listen to bleating on about her wedding.....BONUS!

[Blueberties]

snub, wouldn't go, wouldn't pay, woudln't buy a present

[Blueberties]

yy to balloonslayer

if queried just say - ~but I'm not invited to the wedding !!!!! - as if it's obvious to anyone what a snub it is

(which it is)

silly bride you sound very nice

[WhereYouLeftIt]

You don't know the other people going to the hen do. And you're never going to see them again! Send the e-mail!

[SquelchyBodyParts]

Send the e mail! WhereYouLeftIt is right, you're never going to see these people ever if you don't go, so what's the problem?

[QuintessentialShadyHallows]

Yes, it is not like you are going to meet them at the wedding, eh?

Just send the email. You have nothing to lose. It is quite obvious, your friend is showing off to you who her real friends are: the wedding invitees. You are fodder to keep the price down, I imagine. Very rude. Very hurtful.

Send the email.

[SauvignonBlanche]

YANBU - don't go!

[SlinkingOutsideInSocks]

We all know the OP isn't going to send the email!

Once again I find myself asking why people walk on eggshells, carefully protecting the feelings of buffoons who think nothing of doing the bull-in-a-china-shop routine around everyone else. [hconfused]

[Putrifyno]

You sound lovely, OP. I wouldn't go either! Cheeky fecking mare!

No-one was invited to my wedding. I DID have a hen night, but just in a restaurant - we had an excellent time, but everyone who came was fully aware that the wedding was v.small and noone was slighted (at least I hope not). A few weeks afterwards we threw a little party in a pub with food and money behind the bar. At no point did we ever ask for presents, let alone hard cash.

[Ifartrainbows]

This might be painful but.. she doesnt consider you a good friend . I would feign a horrible illness -salmonela and not go.

[pigletmania]

Exactly, why spare the feelings of someone who does not care about yours .

[Greatdomestic]

OP, if you do go it will be excruciating with Bridezilla banging on about the wedding and you feeling embarassed as a result of her behaviour. But it looks like you have decided to go anyway. send the email - don't go

[ImperialBlether]

There is no way that I'd go to that hen party. I wouldn't go even if it would only cost me a fiver. Your friend isn't a friend, OP. She is really rude and yes, you have been snubbed.

What you do about it now is what matters.

Above is a really good email which I think you should send. If you don't and you do end up going on the night, you are giving the message that you can be walked all over.

Show some bloody gumption, for crying out loud!

[GuillotinedMaryLacey]

Everyone has already said it. Do not go to the hen night, do not pay any money for it, do not send any money for honeymoon. Cheeky fucker. So you land them in the shit, Not Your Problem.

[EHoneybadger]

If you really must go then make sure that you loudly begin a conversation with the other non invitee on the topic of the request for dosh and decide that you should not have to contribute as not going to the wedding. Then, equally loudly, arrange a spa day for the two of you with the money you would have otherwise have donated to the "honeymoon fund".

ps, your "friend" sounds horrid.

[spottypancake]

I feel really uncomfortable when I hear about (or see in RL) people being trampled on like this.

That's because I was trampled on by a "friend" for some time, before totally ending the friendship permanently.

This bride doesn't care at all about your feelings. There is no way I would attend the hen do (even if it meant losing money) and there is no way I would give a present or even a card. This person sounds arrogant and horrible - I don't think I'd bother speaking to her ever again.

I have given people the benefit of the doubt so many times and usually they haven't deserved it. I don't do it anymore.

[KittyFane]

Before you do anything OP, pluck up the courage to ask (text?) this 'friend' outright about the wedding. For example:
"I was just wondering about your wedding, I know that we are coming to your hen do but (other friend) and I were making sure that we are not on the wedding list as we haven't had an invitation. Could you message back and let me know? Thanks"
If you're not invited and this isn't a mistake, send text suggested by other poster and forget about this woman :(

[activate]

God of course you shouldn't go to a hen do when you'er not invited to the wedding - how fucking uncomfortable would that be

back out and tell them to replace you with a wedding invitee

[ScarahStratton]

Send BalloonSlayer's email, it is perfect. Don't make excuses for this woman, she's a rude, grasping cow and not a friend. She will end up having to pay your share, and she bloody well deserves to.

Send it now, don't wimp out.

[KittyFane]

Just read this again
Yes, I'm sure we're not invited. She was telling us who was left to RSVP and we weren't on the list. Definitely not invited.

I'd still ask her outright. Do you want to be friends with her in future? If you are not bothered, cancel the hen and let her pick up the pieces.

[MollieO]

I've had the other way round - invited to the wedding but not the hen night - but this way round is really odd. I would say that you can't attend and ignore requests for money. £200 is a lot of money. If you are waivering just think about what you could spend £200 on. If you can't think of anything then send it to me and I'll spend it for you

[LemonPeel]

I am with Kitty. Text the bride outright and say "Are we actually invited to your wedding as I naturally presumed if I was invited to the hen, then I would be coming to the wedding.

The reply will be all the bollocks about how there were too many people coming blah blah, had to choose family over friends etc, then you say, oh well, in that case someone from the wedding party should take my place on the hen.

then block her number and move on.

[LemonPeel]

add to that, tell her the hen will be everyone talking about the wedding which will be awkward as you won;t be able to get involved in the chat so complete waste of time going.

[Boobz]

This happened to a friend of mine. All chatting at the hen do and someone asked her, in front of the bride to be, where are you staying, at which point my mate had to say "er, I'm not coming actually" and people said "oooo, why not?" and friend had to say she wasn't invited and looked at bride and wished ground would swallow her.

Friend was then invited on the spot by bride and told her it was because of numbers but someone had dropped out so she should definitely come now.

And she went!

[bigbadbarry]

I did this to one of my friends - invited her to my hen do assuming I had invited her to the wedding when in fact I had forgotten. One of the other hens had a quiet word when she realised and I still feel mortified (and of course an invitation was issued forthwith with huge apologies).

Send BalloonSlayer's email.