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AIBU?

to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

713 replies

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove · 20/10/2011 16:25

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

OP posts:

Report

Triphid · 20/10/2011 20:25

Wait! Stop and think. £200. That's a lot of money. What are you thinking?!

If you go, I can't believe you won't look back and resent not spending it on something else. That's not just a nice top or a pair of shoes ? it's a rosemantic evening with your other half in a top restaurant. Or it's a whole outfit for you. A kindle! Nearly two kindles in fact! Half of an iPad (admittedly you'd need the other half...but you get my drift).

For goodness sake don't be a mug. Why should you go? Give me three one good reason(s)?

WinkyWinkola · 20/10/2011 20:26

Another saying send the email. Don't your feelings matter at all to you? I think you should be really quite angry about this insult.

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/10/2011 20:27

How many people are attending? Do you honestly believe the organiser has paid £200 per person already?

ScarahStratton · 20/10/2011 20:28

There are no good reasons for going. And Imperial is right, the organiser will confirm numbers and payment nearer the date.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 20/10/2011 20:29

DO NOT GO!

Come on woman!!!

duckdodgers · 20/10/2011 20:29

I have little sympathy, sorry. People only get treated like mugs and get taken advantage of because others let them. It really doesn't matter how much you've promised to go and pay your share or whatever - you will have an awful time because as well as talking about the wedding constantly you are actually paying a hell of a lot of money celebrating something you will have no part in - how mad is that!

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2011 20:30

Kitty, do you really think that those invited to both the wedding and the hen night would expect the OP to pay all that money when she's clearly not invited to the wedding?

Do you really think they would all do it?

If the bride rang them and said "Oh sorry, the invitation was a mistake - you're not invited to the wedding" they would tell her where to go. They wouldn't say, "Oh don't worry, I'll come to the hen night anyway."

PopcornMouse · 20/10/2011 20:31

Imho if the organiser IS nice, she will understand you not going 100%

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 20/10/2011 20:34

Does she honestly and definitely know she has not invited you, (if she thought you were coming as photographers (more cheek there tho'!)

Swankyswishing · 20/10/2011 20:35

I wouldn't go. The bride sounds a spoilt brat with a huge sense of entitlement.

ScarahStratton · 20/10/2011 20:35

Sounds like Bridezilla is one of life's massive piss takers.

Do Not Go!

BehindLockNumberNine · 20/10/2011 20:35

OP, you are coming across as highly principled (I said I would go and thus I will) and that is an admirable quality.

However, in this occasion you are being treated so appaulingly that you do not, under any circumstances should remain so principled. You will look a mug, a fool and it will be embarassing.

Please please, for the love of womankind, do not go. Do not go. Do not go. Take a stand, stand up for the doormats, stand up to those women who see friends as useful tools rather than true friends.

Do not go. I cannot tell you how much I do not want you to go. The organizer will understand. In fact, if she found out you are not invited she will wonder why the hell you are attending the hen. The bride will have a plethora of wedding-invitees able to go. Failing that everyone can pay another tenner and cover your place.

Do not go. Please.

Putrifyno · 20/10/2011 20:39

I meant it about the Eurostar! I can provide referencess.....

Swankyswishing · 20/10/2011 20:39

^^ What BehindLock said

AWimbaWay · 20/10/2011 20:40

IveGotTights, I think it is quite common to be invited just to the hen do, I've been to hen nights when not invited to the wedding and have been to hen nights where other attendees weren't also invited to the wedding. If you think you'll enjoy it then go, but definitely don't buy a gift, that is just for wedding guests!

PopcornMouse · 20/10/2011 20:41

If I had a spare £200 I could fritter away on making someone who didn't particularly like me happy, I'd certainly go stay with Putrifyno instead :o

catsareevil · 20/10/2011 20:42

The organiser will not have paid out the full amount yet. If she hasnt actually asked you for any money yet then I expect that is because she hasnt paid out anything.

If you send the email suggested that does leave the organiser the opportunity to get back to you if there is any issue with deposits etc.

Im shocked that anyone would be as rude as your 'friend'.

ScarahStratton · 20/10/2011 20:42

Hush AWimbaWay we dont want her to go

Yama · 20/10/2011 20:44

I really didn't think that people like this existed. I thought all the stories of Bridezillas were exaggerated or seen from only one side. However, my brother has just been treated appallingly rudely by a very old friend. It upsets me to see him hurt.

The consensus is that you shouldn't go. Us, non-rude people really do need to start taking a stand.

The organiser won't think that you are a star for not letting anyone down. I'm guessing she will think you are so desparate to be liked that you allow your feelings to be trampled over.

ZillionChocolate · 20/10/2011 20:45

I admire your desire to do the right thing and consideration for the organiser's feelings and convenience. I still don't think I'd go. I might consider making a contribution to any expenses incurred as a result of me pulling out, but only if they'd tried to replace me.

I have been on a reasonably expensive hen night where I wasn't invited to the wedding. I knew it up front and was happy with it. My best friend was bridesmaid for her sister and they held the hen night in my local city so I was happy to share the cost of a hotel room for a night out with my mate.

Proudnscary · 20/10/2011 20:46

I've been on hen nights when I wasn't invited to wedding, and some came to mine (work colleagues - it was very informal piss up) that weren't invited. But both were more of a drink then stumble to a cheesy disco so I guess a different situation...?

I do think people get too het up in general about everything to do with weddings.

pigletmania · 20/10/2011 20:46

boobz serves the bride right, if I were your friend I would not have gone. She invited your friend because she was humiliated into doing so, not because she wanted her there

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LydiaWickham · 20/10/2011 20:48

Don't go!!!

Look, you won't enjoy this, you have decided to end this friendship so you won't be sat there feeling joy for this person, you'll be feeling embarrassed and akward all weekend.

It won't be £200 - there will be some items that the organiser can cancel, so give her the chance to do so, there also might be other woman who are invited to the wedding who are able to fill your place.

Again, you might feel you have to pay, but that doesn't mean you actually have to go!

pigletmania · 20/10/2011 20:49

OP are you barmy! This woman is taking the piss out of you, the organiser is a stranger and you don't know anybody at the hen. So what, that's her problem.

bemybebe · 20/10/2011 20:50

Do.Not.Go.

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