Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that there are no photos of me

56 replies

sunnysunchild · 19/10/2011 17:10

In MIL's house? I'm no oil painting, but still, Ive been married to her son for 8 years, and we have given her 2 grandkids. We even had a family pic done a couple of years ago but its not to be seen anywhere.

She has photos of her own beloved children (DH and his sister) everywhere, (and goes on constantly about how attractive they both are), pics of DH's sister's wedding (of said sister and her new DH), and and one obligatory pic of her 2 grandkids.

I'm not crying about this, Its just bugging me quite a bit, when we go to visit... Would you tackle it? but surely if I do it sounds like I'm whinging.

DH just pulled this face when I mentioned it once - Hmm

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 19/10/2011 17:14

tbh, I'd just think fuck you and not give her another thought, but you could always do this instead

Have a lovely picture of you and your husband taken, put it in a nice frame and wrap it up and give it to her, saying "I noticed you haven't got any pictures of me and X, like you do of Y&Z together, so I thought you would love this. Where are you going to put it?"

Until she is exceptionally rude, she'll have no choice but to put it up and you'll have won Grin

worraliberty · 19/10/2011 17:19

Would I 'tackle' it?

OMG no of course not. It's her house and it's up to her what photos she chooses to display.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 19/10/2011 17:22

unless, not until, sorry Grin

SquidgyBiscuits · 19/10/2011 17:26

Do you have lots of photos of your MIL adorning the walls of your house?

She was probably given the wedding photo of your SIL as a gift after the wedding. I think it is very normal for parents to have a wedding photo of their child. Mine do, and so do my inlaws.

LordOfTheFlies · 19/10/2011 17:27

My PIL live 10 mins from my SIL and BIL, PIL looked after SIL 2 DC 3 days a week when she returned to work, took them to school, had them overnight etc.
We live 580 miles away, and they won't travel to us, it's always me who has to do the driving to them.

I gave them a magnetic fridge magnet photo frame with a picture of DC (about 5"x7") to go on the fridge.
When we went up, I asked why the photo wasn't on the fridge, thinking maybe she didn't know it was a magnet and had put it elsewhere.
Her reply :"Well, I've got 5 other grandchildren, I can't put it up"

There are dozens of pictures of the other grandchildren.

(Have long ago stopped bothering)

Original poster
sunnysunchild · 19/10/2011 17:27

I know its her house etc Worra.
Just can't help wondering why this is.

I should just say "Fuck you", but it reinforces my long term feelings that I'm just not good enough for her DS.

I'd never actually say something

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 19/10/2011 17:33

Call me old fashioned, but I think that what you do for one, you should do for the other! So if you display a photo of one child and their partner, you should display a photo of your other child and their partner.

Otherwise - what are you saying?

Why would you choose to have photos of some family members but not others?

Fair enough if you had no photos of any of them - but photos of some and not others?

That's a snub.

KatyN · 19/10/2011 17:33

it's a bit tight of her.. but I can raise it. a friend of mine asked her mil which wedding photos she wanted to order from the set and the ONLY one she bought and has disaplayed is of her DS and family BEFORE he got married.. ie no bride in sight!
not the most subtle!

loudee · 19/10/2011 17:36

my DPs brother has been with his wife for 15 years, they have 2 DCs. my PIL have photos up everywhere of DP, his brother and the 2 grandchildren yet none of DPs brother's wife. she's never mentioned it but i've noticed it and wonder why it is. i think it's a bit strange too. certainly none of me anywhere but as we dont have any DCs it doesn't seem quite the same.

Sandalwood · 19/10/2011 17:38

Do you have pics of your mil on display?

EauRouge · 19/10/2011 17:39

My grandfather had no photos of me while his wife (not my grandmother) was still alive. They had umpteen photos of her grandchildren and one each of my brother and cousins but none of me. So I did as Hecate suggested and sent a photo of DH and I on our wedding day. It was on the mantelpiece the next time I visited Grin

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 17:41

YABU you're not r Daughter...do you have pics of MIL up?

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 19/10/2011 17:44

mumbling - but the mil has got a picture of her son in law up.

That's the thing. She has pictures (plural!) of the husband of her daughter, but none of the wife of her son.

Is that fair? I don't think so.

Why have pictures of one but not the other?

Original poster
sunnysunchild · 19/10/2011 17:44

No actual portrait of just her on display, but there are pics of her and her late DH

OP posts:
AllYourFleshAarghBelongToMe · 19/10/2011 17:45

AFAIK there aren't any pictures of me on display at my MILs. I've also never seen a picture up of either DH or his brother. There's a couple of pics of each of their grandchildren, and one of MIL's recently deceased father, that's all. Tbh, I just assumed she didn't want loads of photos cluttering up the place. I certainly wouldn't take it personally.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 19/10/2011 17:46

Wedding photos for Christmas!
This is what I'm doing, I noticed that GMIL didnt have any pictures of me, or DH over the age of about 8 [hgrin]
She does have pictures of all great grandchildren, great nieces and nephews weddings, great great nieces/nephews baby pics. Even BILs ex GF for some reason?

slightlymad72 · 19/10/2011 17:48

My MIL has no photos of DH and I displayed anywhere, neither has she any of my children displayed anywhere. Her choice. I haven taken it as a huge snub especially as she displays photos of her other 3 granchildren everywhere and also proudly display a Photo calender which has listed every family members birthdays (including her Exhusbands new wife) except DH, Me and our 3 children.

YABU her house her choice

pigletmania · 19/10/2011 17:49

YANBU send her a nice framed picture of you all as a family for Christmas.

belgo · 19/10/2011 17:50

I haven't even noticed that there aren't any photos of me in my pil's house. Plenty of the grandchildren, and a few of her own children. Never occurred to me to take offence.

slavetofilofax · 19/10/2011 17:52

My ex MIL was the same. She had pictures of all of her children, all of the grandchildren, and the three other DIL/SIL's, but not me. She evn had a picture up of her dd's ex who treated her (the dd) like crap and abandoned his child (her GC).

I did used to wonder why, especially as I thought we always got on well, but I would never have said anything.

Obviously I am no longer with her son, and she is desparate for him to get back with me!

On the other hand, my MIL had a picture up of me when DH and I had been together about two months, and then a couple of months after that, she had a picture up of my DC. They are not DH's children, but he had a couple of photos of them and she had asked to get copies made, and he let her. She hadn't even met them yet! I found that very wierd. I haven't spoken to her for three years now though, for other reasons, so I doubt my children and I adorn her walls anymore, unless we are still there to make it easier for her to play the doting Mum/Gran to her friends.

SquidgyBiscuits · 19/10/2011 18:30

Maybe she doesn't like you? I don't have photos of people I don't like in my house. I don't have photos of every member of my family either. I either have photos of those I am close to, or photos which hold special memories for me. To me photos are a very personal thing, and not something I have up for the benefit of people visiting my house. Perhaps she has a wedding photo from SIL's wedding as it reminds her of a lovely day, seeing her daughter get married etc.

bemybebe · 19/10/2011 18:41

Have the same with my stepMIL. Table FULL of pictures (15-20) and not one with me even on the background. Had to give her a frame for Xmas (with a pic of stepMIL, FIL, DH and me). It is a good picture and she did not dare taking it out to replace with yet another one of her family Grin Aren't I manipulative!!! Wink

Gargula · 19/10/2011 18:47

OP I think you need to chill out.
There are no pictures of me in my PIL house - have been with their son 16 years and have "given them" two grandchildren. It bothers me not one iota and we get on great.
There are no pictures of my children in their house either. Does this mean that they don't love them, or care for them at all? No, of course not.
There are no pictures of them in my house either - does that mean I don't care about them. Of course not.
It never ceases to amaze me what people get all hot under the collar about.

partridge · 19/10/2011 18:51

My MIL has pictures of my DH with his exW (they had no kids together) but none of me (we have 3 kids together) Hmm

Hassled · 19/10/2011 18:57

I hadn't ever thought about this before but have realised there are none of me at PIL's house. And tons of other people. One wall is like a shrine to the DCs. But I suspect this is more to do with the fact I look rough as a badger's arse in photos than any malice.

So do you photograph well? Could that be it? Are they actually doing you a favour?