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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that there are no photos of me

56 replies

sunnysunchild · 19/10/2011 17:10

In MIL's house? I'm no oil painting, but still, Ive been married to her son for 8 years, and we have given her 2 grandkids. We even had a family pic done a couple of years ago but its not to be seen anywhere.

She has photos of her own beloved children (DH and his sister) everywhere, (and goes on constantly about how attractive they both are), pics of DH's sister's wedding (of said sister and her new DH), and and one obligatory pic of her 2 grandkids.

I'm not crying about this, Its just bugging me quite a bit, when we go to visit... Would you tackle it? but surely if I do it sounds like I'm whinging.

DH just pulled this face when I mentioned it once - Hmm

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 19/10/2011 19:02

I wouldn't even let them know that you have noticed.

tulipgrower · 19/10/2011 19:12

Oops, have just realised that I haven't got a single photo on display of either my lovely PIL or my equally lovely SIL+husband.
(But I do have pictures up of my parents, my brother and my kids) I've probably unintentionally offended my PIL. :(

exoticfruits · 19/10/2011 19:14

I was going to ask if OP had any photos of PIL-it seems strange to expect what you don't do yourself.

minsmum · 19/10/2011 19:23

My mother has no pictures of me, DH or our children in her house. Loads of pictures of my brothers, sister, their OHs and kids

Scaredycat3000 · 19/10/2011 19:35

I know the feeling, MIL has loads of photos of every Tom, Dick and Harry x 2 all over all the walls. I've been with DP for 15 years, and I think that could be part of it DP not DH. I think she likes me and I've been an active part of the family, plus one GS (not christened!), though we live 3 hours away. Yet there is one small picture of me years old on a side. She is in the process of making a massive col large up to date photos, though almost full, not one of me!
I think she just doesn't think, it doesn't even enter her mind, she has pictures of so and so's wedding, christening, with God parents, Graduations, etc. So clearly all I need to do is to start having religious ceremonies that mean nothing to me Grin
Does it matter, no, I find most people that have their walls covered in photos like that have very different opinions as to what really caring about their family means to me. I may however get a family pic done get it blown up huge and framed, compleatly out of her taste and present it for Christmas.

MrsBloodyTroll · 19/10/2011 19:42

My PILs have EXACTLY THE SAME number of photos of DH and I, SIL and her DH, BIL, and all respective kids. Exactly the same. Lest they show any favouritism! They always make a big deal about saying "we bought x for so-and-so, so here's one for your DD too". Like DH and I are too dumb to realise they lavish much more time, money and attention on DN than on our kids.

One Christmas we bought MIL a very expensive double photo frame, just after our wedding. We didn't put photos in it but kind of assumed our wedding photos would find their way into it. Nope. It was filled with a huge picture of SIL on one side and BIL on the other. Lovely. Even normally unflappable DH was a bit miffed about that one!

MrsBloodyTroll · 19/10/2011 19:45

BTW, the solution is a digital photo frame. Surely no visitor would be anal enough to sit and watch the hundreds of photos displayed and count how many of themselves versus other family members and friends. This is what we've done, and only real framed photos on display are of our DCs, our DN and our grandparents and parents.

Oh, and YANBU.

LordOfTheFlies · 19/10/2011 19:54

Do you have pictures of your MIL on display?

Only to keep the children away from the fire! [hgrin]

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht · 19/10/2011 20:00

i kinda know where u are coming from.

in my case it's in my dads house!

Blueberties · 19/10/2011 20:03

Yanbu, it doesn't matter.

hth

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 19/10/2011 20:14

When my mil,'s nice, normal grandchild was born she replaced all the pictures of my 2 with pictures of the new improved grandchild . Bitch.

LizzieMo · 19/10/2011 20:42

I feel a bit guilty now as my MIL is always asking for a photo of all of us together, she specifically said 'we don't have any of you'. Thing is I usually give the pictures of me & Kids to my mum and DH & kids to them. It never occured to me she would want a photo of me!! I would not actually be bothered if she did not want a photo of me, but I would find it odd if she did not want one of her son & grand kids.

oldraver · 19/10/2011 22:31

My MIL wicked witch cut me out of my own wedding photo so she could have a picture of DH and his sister. It looked really odd as she had to cut round my head and DH had been leaning toward me

AppleHEAD · 19/10/2011 22:56

My MIL is the same, she takes tonnes of pictures of my DH and our kids but none of me. She loves photography and their are pictures everywhere. She
gets loads developed, a few years ago when I was looking at hundreds of pictures without me in them I asked her if all her friends thought her ds did well bringing the kids up on his own. To be honest she has done so many horrible things to me that this is just a drop in the ocean. She is just not a nice person and I can't be bothered to worry about her.

littlemisssarcastic · 19/10/2011 23:08

My XP's parents were given a very cute picture of DD at 4 months old on a large canvass for Christmas. (We were particularly poor at the time and got a good deal on it.)
At this time, XP and I were very much together and had been for 5 years.
DD was their first grandchild and the first great grandchild in the family.

I thought they might put it in the dining room or if it wasn't to their taste, they would put it in their bedroom perhaps?

Instead, they wrapped it in 2 black bin liners and shoved it up in their loft.

I demanded XP retrieve it and brought it home where it takes pride of place in my home. I have had strangers comment on how cute and lovely it is. No one can believe the grandparents stuck it in the loft covered in 2 black bin bags.

Their loss AFAIC.

LoopyLoopsPussInBoots · 19/10/2011 23:13

My foster mother, who loves to harp on about me so that people know she 'took me on', and claims to treat me like a daughter (read: likes people to think she's a really good and kind person), has only one photo of me. She has hundreds of her DDs (fair enough) and even when I lived there there was never one of me. In pride of place on the mantlepiece are graduation photos of her daughters. Mine is in the loft.
The only photo she has of me is on my wedding day, with her daughters (who were bridesmaids - whole other thread - not my choice).

It used to really upset me. Now I don't care. Others find it odd though.

upahill · 19/10/2011 23:16

I haven't got any pictures up at all. Of anyone - not even my kids.
Stops this kind of problem.

If I have a picture of no one, some can't complain ( I think, I'm getting muddled now)

PeelThemWithTheirMetalKnives · 20/10/2011 01:17

We gave MIL a picture of our wedding. She didn't put it up, but she did proudly show us a lovely photo of a neighbour's wedding. She'd cut it out of the newspaper and framed it, and had it on display Hmm

I think it's beside the point whether OP has photos of MIL in her house. It's not that MIL doesn't have a photo of OP, it's that she has photos of everyone else except OP. Those who wouldn't mind this are made of stronger stuff than me.

OP, go with the suggestion of presenting her with a lovely portrait of yourself and the family. Then stare her down until she puts it in pride of place Grin

Birnamwood · 20/10/2011 09:11

I've been with dp for 16 years and I still can't work his mother out. In her house she has a picture of her estranged step daughter and one of dp's ex but no photos of dp, me or until recently her very first gc (our ds1) she is a very strange, selfish, self centred lady who seems value appearances over anything else (and I'm no oil painting) but to not have a picture up of your first, very cute grandchild seems a bit odd to me. I'm not that surprised tbh, she 'accidentally' called me by dp's ex's name for about 6 years and she didn't see dc1 until he was 9months old. She admits that she doesn't like children but she was a social worker (child services) before she was forced to retire (under a cloud- for being racist Shock!!!) she is a an evil, hateful cow delightful woman and I hate going to see her anand would rather poke my eyes out with a rusty shovel enjoy every minute spent with her.

Birnamwood · 20/10/2011 09:16

Oh, and don't get me started on step mil & fil. No wonder dp is fucked up and until recently, after the birth of dc's, didn't know the true meaning of family.

Sorry, complete hijack and mil rant! [:)]

PeachesMelba · 20/10/2011 10:02

Definitely wouldn't "tackle" it. My MiL complained there weren't any pics of her on our iPad. I was a bit Hmm tbh.

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht · 20/10/2011 10:37

god, what is UP with some people.

all these tales of photo's of neighbours, photo's in lofts. Aren't some people weird.

KittyFane · 20/10/2011 10:46

None of me at MIL's house either, only ones of her DD and DS and ones of the GC. It really doesn't worry me as I don't have a picture of her on display either.

bobthebuddha · 20/10/2011 10:50

Lord, I've been married to DH for 8 years...until I saw this thread I don't think I'd ever noticed that there weren't any photos of me in her house. Now I've realised there aren't I also realise that I couldn't care less. But if she had another DIL or SIL & plastered pics of them around yes I think I would be a bit miffed, so no, YANBU really. Unfortunately for my MIL she's stuck with me & me alone Grin

Slacking9to5 · 20/10/2011 10:55

I'm relieved my --toxicbitchofa- MIL has none of me because they'd likely have nails through them.