I don't think I am but Husband does!

[OatcakeCravings]

I'll try to keep this short....

We have been invited to a wedding in two weeks time. For various reasons we didn't know about it until last week when H was invited to the stag party. We are also going to a wedding the following week.

When we got the invite our DS wasn't on it - so we both agreed that we wouldn't go since we don't have a babysitter. However at the stag night my H was told that DS was actually invited. My H said that he would speak to me and let the groom know if we are going or not.

I'm not overly keen on going - not because I don't want to but because it will be expensive and we've had no time to set money aside for it due to not recieving an invite. We have the other wedding the next week plus Xmas is coming up and we aren't rolling in the cash! So I said to H that I still didn't want to go even though DS was invited.

I thought that was the end of it but H brought it up two nights ago saying we needed to discuss if we were going or not. I said that I thought it had been decided that we weren't going and H got a bit huffy about it.

So I thought about it and thought that if we drove to the wedding and back (about 40 mins away) rather than stay in the hotel, we'd save the £100 on the room plus say £50 on drinks. I thought this would be a good compromise as my H isn't a big drinker and often offers to drive much further and back in a day (eg 3 hours each way) to go to family things. I don't drive.

I put this to H and he was not happy to say the least! He kept saying that if he couldn't drink then he wasn't going, his exact words were "you can't expect me to be sober at a wedding" He thinks that I am being totally unreasonable and he has replied saying we aren't going. I honestly thought that if he was that bothered about seeing his friends getting married he wouldn't worry about drinking - so now I'm thinking the main reason he wants to go is to get drunk with his mates.

H is now in a bad mood with me, 2 days now and is barely speaking to me. I'm not that bothered as this is how he projects his anger, hes all very passive agressive and childish! So AIBU??

Also, if you do book the hotel you don't need to go up to bed at 9pm with your toddler. Take a pushchair and let your DC fall asleep in that and keep them with you until you all go to bed. That's how it works at the weddings I've been to (apart from the French one that provided beds and nannies for all the DC in a big room upstairs from the party).

As I've said before, you don't have to drink much to be not fit to drive. You can't drive with him next to you if he's drunk. He has to be sober enough to pass a drink-driving test.

After all that, though, you've now said that he's sulking. That's ridiculous from a grown man. You've also added extra stuff about him being passive-aggressive so the whole situation is a little bit different than was stated at the beginning. Don't put up with that whole PA thing. A wedding isn't worth all this grief.

I meant what I said about the driving, though. Unless you're a driver yourself you can't understand just how annoying it can be to be the one that's relied upon all the time to do all the driving. You've said yourself that the wedding's in the middle of nowhere. That kind of night driving takes a lot of concentration.

All that, though, is beside the point. I think you and "D"H need to sort your whole relationship out and this argument about the wedding is just a symptom of the problems that you both are having.

Get over it and move on. Both of you.

You can't say you aren't coming then suddenly say you are! That poor couple have been mucked about enough with niot knowing if you're going to be there or not, if one of you will be or 2 or 3... You have already refused the invite for very good reasons - you actually cannot aford to go. End of. Backtracking on them would be inconsiderate and rude.

The poor couple?! What, the couple that are so disorganised that they send out wedding invites 3 weeks before the event, and then don't specify on the invite exactly who they are inviting???