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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but Husband does!

128 replies

OatcakeCravings · 19/10/2011 14:03

I'll try to keep this short....

We have been invited to a wedding in two weeks time. For various reasons we didn't know about it until last week when H was invited to the stag party. We are also going to a wedding the following week.

When we got the invite our DS wasn't on it - so we both agreed that we wouldn't go since we don't have a babysitter. However at the stag night my H was told that DS was actually invited. My H said that he would speak to me and let the groom know if we are going or not.

I'm not overly keen on going - not because I don't want to but because it will be expensive and we've had no time to set money aside for it due to not recieving an invite. We have the other wedding the next week plus Xmas is coming up and we aren't rolling in the cash! So I said to H that I still didn't want to go even though DS was invited.

I thought that was the end of it but H brought it up two nights ago saying we needed to discuss if we were going or not. I said that I thought it had been decided that we weren't going and H got a bit huffy about it.

So I thought about it and thought that if we drove to the wedding and back (about 40 mins away) rather than stay in the hotel, we'd save the £100 on the room plus say £50 on drinks. I thought this would be a good compromise as my H isn't a big drinker and often offers to drive much further and back in a day (eg 3 hours each way) to go to family things. I don't drive.

I put this to H and he was not happy to say the least! He kept saying that if he couldn't drink then he wasn't going, his exact words were "you can't expect me to be sober at a wedding" He thinks that I am being totally unreasonable and he has replied saying we aren't going. I honestly thought that if he was that bothered about seeing his friends getting married he wouldn't worry about drinking - so now I'm thinking the main reason he wants to go is to get drunk with his mates.

H is now in a bad mood with me, 2 days now and is barely speaking to me. I'm not that bothered as this is how he projects his anger, hes all very passive agressive and childish! So AIBU??

OP posts:
Hullygully · 19/10/2011 15:42

Perhaps they could drive to the wedding?

RCToday · 19/10/2011 15:42

Pag, he's just not worth it

LEAVE HIM - no man is worth all this heartache

Pagwatch · 19/10/2011 15:45

Ok doll.

(I can't say that can I ?)

Hullygully · 19/10/2011 15:46

There's not enough ok dolling. It needs introducing more widely.

RCToday · 19/10/2011 15:47

Doll is fine

You need more dolling and less bitching about Kate and Kitty

Then you will be ok, Doll

PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 15:48

Pag you're now slagging off Xmas Kitty?

Will you cease and desist.

For the love of Jimmy Choo.

PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 15:48

No dolls

RCToday · 19/10/2011 15:50

Sorry Doll Sad

Pagwatch · 19/10/2011 15:51

Xmas Kitty starts a lot of fights to be fair, doll.

toodles · 19/10/2011 15:52

YANBU Why on earth is it necessary to get drunk at a wedding? Really, is that the only way people can enjoy themselves at a wedding reception?

PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 15:52

The bitch.

RCToday · 19/10/2011 15:55

Pag, yes that is true especially when shes drinking Pinot

Gets very messy sometimes

Hully is the only one who can make sense of her

Poor Doll Sad

Hullygully · 19/10/2011 15:55

toodles - um, yes. Doll.

god imagine a wedding sober. I'd DIE from boredom.

Hullygully · 19/10/2011 15:56

I had a Great Auntie Doll

She was right lovely

SarahBumBarer · 19/10/2011 15:57

Am I the only one who does not equate "not wanting to stay sober" with "wanting to get roaring drunk". There is a midway point between sober (ie fit to drive) and roaring drunk which I would categorize as "convivial and relaxed" - pretty much the state I need to be in to enjoy a wedding.

He is an arse about the sulking though.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 19/10/2011 16:04

I suggested HE forego a xmas present - not you!!

TimothyClaypoleLover · 19/10/2011 16:05

Totally agree with you SarahBumBarer. Lots of posters are implying that OP's DH is an alcoholic and can't go a day without a drink. It does not take much to put you over the limit, particularly if they invited to the whole day.

kelly2000 · 19/10/2011 16:13

sarah,
When you insist on spending money that you cannot afford to such an extent your partner has to miss out on christmas presents and cut the family food down, or refuse to attend any event because "you cannot be expected to stay sober at a wedding" then you are being unreasonable. And yes people can be expected to stay sober at a wedding. How sad is it that people cannot enjoy a wedding unless alcohol helps them.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/10/2011 16:17

50 quid had been set aside for drinking because it wouldn't be a wedding if he was sober Hmm. Don't know about you, but £50 worth of alcohol would have me pretty merry - to put it mildly, esp. as you normally get given wine with the meal and to toast the B & G with as part of the wedding party anyway.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/10/2011 16:18

Oh, and second the motion that he goes without a present - not you.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 19/10/2011 16:22

£50 equates to £25 each on alcohol assuming they are both drinking. If the wedding venue is a posh expensive one £50 for 2 people is nothing. I have been to weddings where the soft drinks are £8 a time let alone the alcoholic ones. And then if you are expected to buy rounds with a group of friends £50 won't go very far at all.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/10/2011 16:31

All the more reason not to go and get drunk then, given that money is tight. How weird if you feel you can't go to something as important as your mates wedding because it means staying soberish - I'm guessing that there will still be alcohol with the meal etc. Sounds as if he just wants a piss up, and the wedding is secondary

Sallykitten · 19/10/2011 16:36

TimothyClaypoleLover: But still, if I was in that situation and my partner was happy to go to their own friends wedding but was making an issue of it when it was my friends wedding I would be annoyed.

KreepyInMind · 19/10/2011 16:45

Who on earth needs to book a hotle for a wedding 40 mins away?? Your DH is being daft

GalaxyWeaver · 19/10/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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