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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but Husband does!

128 replies

OatcakeCravings · 19/10/2011 14:03

I'll try to keep this short....

We have been invited to a wedding in two weeks time. For various reasons we didn't know about it until last week when H was invited to the stag party. We are also going to a wedding the following week.

When we got the invite our DS wasn't on it - so we both agreed that we wouldn't go since we don't have a babysitter. However at the stag night my H was told that DS was actually invited. My H said that he would speak to me and let the groom know if we are going or not.

I'm not overly keen on going - not because I don't want to but because it will be expensive and we've had no time to set money aside for it due to not recieving an invite. We have the other wedding the next week plus Xmas is coming up and we aren't rolling in the cash! So I said to H that I still didn't want to go even though DS was invited.

I thought that was the end of it but H brought it up two nights ago saying we needed to discuss if we were going or not. I said that I thought it had been decided that we weren't going and H got a bit huffy about it.

So I thought about it and thought that if we drove to the wedding and back (about 40 mins away) rather than stay in the hotel, we'd save the £100 on the room plus say £50 on drinks. I thought this would be a good compromise as my H isn't a big drinker and often offers to drive much further and back in a day (eg 3 hours each way) to go to family things. I don't drive.

I put this to H and he was not happy to say the least! He kept saying that if he couldn't drink then he wasn't going, his exact words were "you can't expect me to be sober at a wedding" He thinks that I am being totally unreasonable and he has replied saying we aren't going. I honestly thought that if he was that bothered about seeing his friends getting married he wouldn't worry about drinking - so now I'm thinking the main reason he wants to go is to get drunk with his mates.

H is now in a bad mood with me, 2 days now and is barely speaking to me. I'm not that bothered as this is how he projects his anger, hes all very passive agressive and childish! So AIBU??

OP posts:
PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 14:20

Oh and he is BVU.

I'd not go because I like to watch Strictly and XFactor whilst sitting in my pyjamas eating Ben and Jerrys ice cream.

I am not at all helpeful.

Groovee · 19/10/2011 14:21

If you don't drive then you are being unreasonable to expect the usual driver to drive. It annoyed me that being pregnant, everyone thought I would be their taxi drivers.

But I wouldn't be going with so little notice.

cjbartlett · 19/10/2011 14:21

it kind of sounds like they forgot to invite you and invited you out of embarassment at the stag do so personally I wouldn't bother
plus you can't change your minds now if he's already said no

PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 14:21

Paggggy

You've totally dumped Kate in the shitter.

Bad Pag.

squeaver · 19/10/2011 14:21

I bet he's told them that you're coming, that's why he's in the huff

Original poster
OatcakeCravings · 19/10/2011 14:21

A taxi for a 40 min journey would be around £50 each way where we live. There are no mini cabs or anything like that to make it cheaper.

The wedding is out in the middle of nowhere so there are no other hotels or anyone we could stay with.

The bride and groom are very laid back hence the late invite, ours I think was later because we have moved and they didn't have our new address. My H hadn't seen this particular friend for a little while so was unaware they were planning a wedding. I am under the impression that it hasn't been arranged for that long.

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/10/2011 14:22

Thank you Hully Grin I hope you also admired my Advanced Higher level maths - £25 x 2 = £50. I am a genuis really.

I think Kate might be late. Late Kate?

colken · 19/10/2011 14:23

Something suspicious here. I have been to lots of weddings but never known until the last minute. For me, 3 weeks before the event is last minute because there's so much to arrange. Have you been invited to the wedding or just the evening party?

Were you aware of the friend before the wedding was broached? My ex used to belong to a rugby club and they organised themselves into this sort of thing (but not weddings). The women didn't get to know until the last minute and, with little children to be accommodated, didn't go.

Hullygully · 19/10/2011 14:23

Personally I'd go anyway, no matter what Kate said.

Life is very very short.

You might not go to save money for Christmas and then have a meteorite land on you tomorrow.

Or Kate might turn up again.

Original poster
OatcakeCravings · 19/10/2011 14:24

WTF is Kate??

OP posts:
PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 14:25

See, Kate and I do not see eye-to-eye.

So if she's going, I'm out.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/10/2011 14:25

£100 for the taxi alone???? (my genius level maths again there...) Tell him to stick the wedding up his bum.

PinotScreechio · 19/10/2011 14:26

Make Kate pay for the taxi.

Bitch that she is.

Quenelle · 19/10/2011 14:28

Nope. If DH sulked and gave me silent treatment for two days, rather than having a reasoned discussion about the pros and cons of staying/driving, there is no way I would relent.

Silly, childish man.

IloveJudgeJudy · 19/10/2011 14:28

What is with these po-faced posters saying her DH is BU because he wants to have a drink. Perhaps he just wants a glass of wine with the meal and a couple at the late bit. Then he would be over the limit. It is sometimes quite boring to go to a wedding if you're not drinking at all and everyone else is.

OP, I think you ABU if you don't drive unless it's for medical reasons. If you don't drive you have no idea how annoying it can be to be the driver all the time.

Why don't you both agree not to drink. That would be fairer, wouldn't it?

DoMeDon · 19/10/2011 14:28

I wouldn't go to a wedding if I had to stay sober either. He wants to get drunk with his friends and celebrate. Either you can afford it or not. His childish sukling is U but agree life is short, parties are fun - go!

mumsamilitant · 19/10/2011 14:28

YANBU. Attending weddings costs a bloody fortune.

Hullygully · 19/10/2011 14:30

Go.

Go and dance and celebrate being alive because tomorrow.......................................................................................................................We all die. And we are a long time dead.

Xnedra · 19/10/2011 14:32

I would agree on both not to drinking, if you don't drive and he is missing out I would guess it might seem fairer to him.

Original poster
OatcakeCravings · 19/10/2011 14:33

I have already offered not to drink but he just kind of laughed at me and said I was being ridiculous....

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 19/10/2011 14:34

YABU.

Why should you get your way over your DH. Things obviously haven't been decided, you just want them to stay the way they were before the invite was extended to your son and things changed because it suits you.

And if you are medically fit, you should learn to drive. Only then do you have any right to start dictating to others that they should go to their friends wedding and not be able to have sociable drink.

If your DH wants to be there, and you have no real reason not to (because obviously he feels you can afford it or he wouldn't be upset) then you are just being mean and contolling by telling him he should stay sober or not go.

frutilla · 19/10/2011 14:35

YANBU - no reason to stay in a hotel unless you want to splash out. Couldn't you share a car back with someone else?

Hullygully · 19/10/2011 14:35

yes learn to drive at once you non-driving thing you

kelly2000 · 19/10/2011 14:37

judegjudy,
No-one is being po-faced, he did not say he wanted a drink, he said he cannot be expected to go to a wedding and stay sober so he is refusing to go at all. Refusing to attend a wedding just because he cannot get drunk is pathetic. What sort of boring idiot would only go to a wedding if they could get drunk?

Original poster
OatcakeCravings · 19/10/2011 14:37

I am currently taking driving lessons, i couldn't drive previously due to a medical condition. Unfortunatley I don't think that I will be able to pass my test in the next two weeks....

OP posts: