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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend money I can't afford on a weekend away?

65 replies

Theala · 19/10/2011 11:27

I have two friends from school that I would still class among my 'best' friends, even though we don't see each other very often as we all live in different countries. The last time we saw each other was last christmas. We've been talking for some time about organising a weekend away just us girls, but now it's actually come to the crunch and I've worked out how much it would cost, I really don't think I can afford it. :(
I still really, really want to go though. AIBU to book it anyway? Blush

OP posts:
grovel · 19/10/2011 11:29

I think we'd need to understand your wider circumstances to comment.
Still, I say book it.

AKMD · 19/10/2011 11:29

If you are single and the only person ywho would be affected by you being broke is you, then go ahead. If you have a DH/P and/or DCs, then it would be irresponsible unless you work out a savings plan with your DH/P and save for it properly.

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 11:31

If nothing has been organised yet, why not be honest with your friends and suggest it be arranged to a later date.

sue52 · 19/10/2011 11:35

If you can't afford it, don't arrange it.

Original poster
Theala · 19/10/2011 11:42

Have a DH, but no DCs. I earn a much higher salary than DH so I contribute about 80% of the household running costs. I would still feel guilty about spending money on this though, I know.

Oh argh. Being sensible is pants. :(

OP posts:
AngryFeet · 19/10/2011 11:43

I would go. Surely you can pay it off over the next few months? You only live once ;)

AitchTwoOh · 19/10/2011 11:43

ach, DO IT. speak to DH, if he's a nice sort he'll approve.

AKMD · 19/10/2011 11:48

Talk to your DH. He might not be overly enthusiastic about it but if you sit down together and shimmy around the figures a bit, it could be do-able. That way you get to be sensible and have fun!

WaitingForMe · 19/10/2011 11:49

I'd do it. I've two friends I dropped everything for in the summer because it was the first time we'd been together in 2 years (we live on different continents and amazingly both were going to be in London). I didn't really have the money but I managed. It might have been another two years until I got to see them.

Ciske · 19/10/2011 11:53

If you say you can't afford it, but will book it anyway, I assume that means you have money in your bank account. So what are the consequences of spending it? Could you end up with gas/electricity cut off? Will you not be able to afford food? Will you tuck into savings? Or do you intend to go in debt and decrease your spending in the future to pay it off?

Either way the consequences will hit you and it's only you and your DH who can decide whether they were worth it.

colken · 19/10/2011 11:55

Yes, get into debt. That's what irresponsible people do.

AitchTwoOh · 19/10/2011 11:58

you sound like heaps of fun. Grin

AKMD · 19/10/2011 12:02

Debt is sooooooo much fun! Fun, fun, fun! Hooray!

Well, it is if your parents will pay it off for you when you come crying that you can't pay your iPad connection bill.

stickylittlefingers · 19/10/2011 12:04

is there no way of reining it in a bit so it's not so expensive? Assuming it's the seeing each other that's the important bit, could you cut costs on accommodation/travel/food or something? Or perhaps see it as an early Christmas present to yourself and not spend "family" money on you later on?

I know what you mean, most of my friends don't live where I live and catching up is one of life's necessities pleasures.

AndiMac · 19/10/2011 12:08

If they are such good friends, surely they wouldn't mind either toning the weekend down to something you can afford or postponing to sometime when you are more solvent? I personally don't think 10 months is that long to go to be desperate enough to be with my friends at the cost of going into debt.

AitchTwoOh · 19/10/2011 12:09

don't think anyone is suggesting she gets into debt, though, are they? Hmm i can say 'i can't afford it' but what i actually mean is 'the money will ahve to come out of other budget plans'.

which is why you should speak to your partner, OP, and see what he says. perhaps he'll think that you deserve a treat, given that you chip in so much more to bills etc, and will be able to find a workaround?

BettyCash · 19/10/2011 12:10

Explain your circ's and look for hotel/B&B deals that would make it work.

Original poster
Theala · 19/10/2011 12:15

I don't really want to talk to DH about it, tbh, as I know he'll probably feel shite that he doesn't earn more. I try to avoid talking about things we can't afford as much as possible. Biscuit

Ciske, the overdraft would get hammered. :o
Ok, consequences of spending money on this:
Will not be able to spend as much money on upcoming birthday present for DH. 1. He doesn't really care, as he doesn't want 'things' anyway, but still "I can't buy you a present because I spent all my money on myself" is not the best excuse really.
2.Will not be able to afford new winter coat (I can probably get another year out of the old one).

  1. Will have to eat cheaper food for a while and not buy wine (probably sensible anyway, given I want to lose weight).
  2. Might not be able to make monthly contribution to Huge Insurmountable Debt to Parents account. On the one hand, they've said they're in no hurry to get the money back. On the other hand, I won't actually have any money anyway until I do manage to pay back HIDtP.

Feck. I know where this is going and I don't like it. But I think maybe I'd feel too guilty to enjoy my weekend properly. Pants. PANTS! :(

OP posts:
kingprawntikka · 19/10/2011 12:26

Could your friends come and stay with you, or near you so you can meet up in the day time but be spared the travel/hotel costs?

AKMD · 19/10/2011 12:27

Then er, yeah, I wouldn't go. Sorry :(

AKMD · 19/10/2011 12:27

Can you offer pizza and Bridget Jones at your house instead?

Original poster
Theala · 19/10/2011 12:31

Nah, kingprawntikka no flights go from there to here. The place where we were going to meet up is a cheap flight away for all 3 of us.

AKMD, yeah, I know, you're right. I'm going to mail them and pull out.

Being an adult sucks. :(

OP posts:
AndiMac · 19/10/2011 12:36

Now that you've explained the circumstances more, I definitely would be saying "not this time" to my friends. As I said though, if they are your friends, they won't mind waiting to see you.

AitchTwoOh · 19/10/2011 12:38

oh dear, HID changes things...

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 19/10/2011 12:39

Well, you cant afford it. Dont go.

Maybe both you and your dp should look for better paid jobs if it is just the two of you and you seem to live above your means.

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