10 Tips to Prevent Rape

[coldwed]

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

When I used to make my way home from work late at night the thought sometimes occurred that if I get attacked and somebody takes my purse, I will not be blamed for having been out late. Nor will it be assumed that I really wanted to get rid of my money in this way. But if they drag me into a bush and rape me, those ideas will come up.

A rapist may not give a shit what you are wearing, but an opportunist stranger is more likely to target the easiest victims. He doesnt want too much of a struggle. A skirt and high heels are much easier for him to overpower his victim than flat shoes. A mugger would look for exactly the same target too.

I go out in very high heels, and tight skirts, as I should be able to, but I would never walk home alone, nor would I let some bloke who had been chatting me up in the pub all night walk me home either, and that is the advice that I have always given to my stepdaughters as they grew up. Stay with your mates and if you need a lift home, ring me.

Rape is one of the hardest crimes for a victim to report as they are stripped, photographed, and have intimate examinations performed upon them (without any lubricant either as this could effect the DNA), the resuls of these examinations, photos etc are then discussed in a court room full of strangers. Despite being a victim the victim is only given the status of witness, and can be cross examined at length and despite changes in the rules they can still be cross examined about their sexual history whereas a convicted rapist cannot be questioned about his convictions for rape in court. A victim of mugging, burgulary etc do not have to go through this. yet despite this we still are told that it is easy for women (it always seems to be women and not men who are tagreted by rape apologists) to lie about rape to get at a man, or because for some reason she thinks it is the 1950's and is ashamed she slept with a man! Obviously if she feels no shame about having sex this proves she is "loose" and therefore likely to say yes to any man and therefore cannot have been raped. If a not guilty verdict is reached rape is the only crime where people want the victim to be prosecuted for not being able to prove to at least ten strangers beyond all reasonable doubt she was raped. We do not see this spite for other victims of crimes where a non-guilty verdict is reached.

Squeaky. So, would you let a man who you knew walk you home?...

Yes, squeaky, and I take "sensible" precautions myself. The issue, as far as I'm concerned, is that "society" likes to push the onus BACK onto the victim, rather than pushing it squarely onto the rapist. That's the point of the argument I'm making.

Oh and how sad and awful that we have to live this way.

dontcallme,
The false report statistics also include reports by other people who think they may have witnessed an attack or seen a woman who looked as if she had been attacked, but in fact when the police check it out they were mistaken. They also include rapes that occur as part of domestic violence where the complaint is withdrawn. because rape is a criem against the state a victim cannot stop the prosecution unless thye withdraw the complaint and say it did nto happen.
This atppened in Wales, where a victim of DV told police she had been raped by her husband. After pressure from him and his family she told police she did not want to prosecute, but was told tough they were going to go ahead non-consensually. She then told them she had lied. However under questioning she admitted she had been raped, but claimed she lied to stop the prosecution. She was then prosecuted for saying she had NOT been raped when she had. Although she was released the judge who released said it would be better to make rape victims who claim they have not been raped do community service! So victims do not have the right to silence as they are witnesses, but rapist are allowed the right to silence and can refuse to answer any questions.

As someone who's been raped, I honestly love this pamphlet.

Because I was raped (my first time having sex) after getting drunk and snogging a boy in his bed. And afterward the thought kept running through my head that people would say "well what did she expect to happen."

I think the good thing about this ad campaign is that it puts the focus and blame where it belongs. It irritates me that I can't feel safe jogging with my dog in the early morning on the trails near my house. Why the actual jeff shouldn't I be able to?! It's when I have the time and energy and I want to.

Yes I would. I am fully aware it could still happen, I am not that naive, and that is the whole point of every post I have made. I am referring to strangers, not people who you know and trust.

As a 42yo married woman, most of the men I know, I have known for a long time and know as much as it is possible to know about their background. I wouldnt walk home with someone who I felt unsure about.

My stepsons friend recently offered to drive me home at the end of a night out. I have no reason to think he may be a rapist, but I dont know that he isnt. I got a cab booked through a company I know and use regularly.

Aha, thank you for adding that, Kelly. :) I knew there was a point I was missing.

Hmm. Squeaky, I trusted the man who offered me a lift home from work. I'd known him several years, he'd never tried anything before. All we ever heard was "how nice" he was. (Luckily, my ex never so much as doubted me when I told him what had happened.)

I lived with my last rapist. I may have been 19 at the time, Squeaky, but it was a year until he raped me. I thought I knew him. You can never be 100% sure that you know enough about a man to know he's not a rapist.

Also, this continual seperating of "stranger" and "acquaintance" rape is extremely damaging. We already have "date rape" readily dismissed, and we already have victims of stranger rape "blamed" for being in the wrong place, wrong time, wearing the wrong clothes, etc. The sooner we start treating all rapes as the same, horrific crimes, for which the victim can never be blamed, the sooner we'll see more women coming forward.

The only women I know in RL that have been raped have been raped by someone they knew, including one woman who was repeatedly raped by her husband. she would try and hide in her dd's bedroom but he would come in and drag her out, this went on for years.

This leaflet is parodying something that is entirely reasonable. It is entirely reasonable for people to limit their vulnerability to crime.

To not do so, because "the criminal is to blame, not me", seems a bit blase to me.

Of course the criminal is to blame. But, guess what, some people are fucking horrible. I'll protect myself, thanks.

Let's try again.

Mrs Bethel.

In the winter, it gets dark at 5pm (ish). Should us women avoid going out full stop after 5pm? Really?

And how the hell do you prevent being raped by your partner. Because I can't quite work it out.

'I'll protect myself, thanks'
Good luck with that, MrsBethel. If only I was so 'blase' to believe that its the woman that has the power in a rape scenario.

That's the point of the leaflet.

^ditto to SinicalSal, as well.

so how will you protect yourself?

I do understand "minimizing" your chances of being hurt to a point . I wouldn't let my son play somewhere where I couldn't see him yet...mostly because of dangers like cars, etc, but also the very very slim chance that some horrible person may snatch him. I shouldn't have to worry about that, but it is something I keep in the back of my mind.

And I shouldn't have to worry about going into a parking garage after dark, etc, but when I do have to I keep my wits (and pepper spray) about me. Because some people are fucking scum, as demonstrated by my own rape.

However, I think the point being missed by the whole "minimize your chances" brigade is that there is a very, very fine line between "it's not a good idea to stroll through a dodgy neighborhood at 2 a.m." and "Well men can't help themselves, and if women are stupid enough to be around, well, shrug" .

Most women who believe rape myths or peddle them are engaging in a superstitious ritual to protect themselves. The louder they insist that it is the rape victim's own fault, the more they convince themselves that as long as they don't behave as she did, they will be safe from rape. It's like the women who get hugely squawky and aggressive about other women's choices to drink, smoke and eat pate while pregnant - the more noise they make about how wicked that is, the more secure they feel that their own PGs will result in healthy babies. Sadly that's superstitious bullshit too.

Good point SGB .

I think that's human nature though..."He has cancer? Oh that's terrible..." and then you start saying things in your mind like "well he was a smoker," etc. It's the ones that "just happen" that are terrifying. (Of course all tragic events are terrifying to the people they happen to! I didn't mean otherwise.)

So if it is a woman's duty to protect herself from ever being in a vulnerable situation- who is going to be doing the triage when I rush my dd to A&E in the middle of the night? Who is going to have time to diagnose her if half the consultants have had to leave their jobs due to being the wrong sex? Who is going to make the bed and take her blood?

If being out after dark is something women mustn't do, I'd have to leave my own job- and I am a bloody academic, not somebody performing life-saving functions in the middle of the night. My female students would also have to leave the university en masse. There would be nobody to buy my supper from and possibly nobody to drive the bus home. Most women who do a fulltime job find themselves in a position where they have to negotiate dark passages/car parks/etc from time to time. We can't all look like sumo wrestlers.

cory All that is also true of the suggestion (which i think was meant as a caricature) that men should not be allowed out after dark. There are some essential lines of 24/7 work with more men than women involved. We all have to live within the possible.

The fact is that syaing that we can and should all take certain steps ro reduce the likelihood that we will be the victims of certain sorts of crime does not in any way excuse those who commit the crime if they do so anyway. It's not a zero-sum game, and I use the word "game" in the technical sense and without disrespect.

I know that some people don't see it that way especially in regard to rape - and some of those people are women - but it is true nevertheless.

andrew,
But you never see leaflets telling women to not be in long term relationships, nor do we see leaflets telling women to demand that they have chaperones if they are working alone with me, notr do we see leaflets tellign women never to even risk being alone with their friends partners etc, yet these are the things that will stop the vast majority of rapes. telling women they should stay in once it is dark, wear burkas (or is that being provacative and therefore asking for racial abuse) etc.
And the problem is that it is all very well saying take precautions, but in fact those harping on about stranger sin alleys seem to think that the rapist is not fully at fault unless the victim has taken full precautions. I saw one comment son a newspaper say thta women who go out at night get drunk should not complain about rape as it is akin to leaving your car door open and the car keys in, and in that instance the car owner would not get insurance if the cra was stolen. It really is a scummy attitude when people give out safety advice in such a way that they actually encourage rape, because claiming that "what does she expect" "she must be stupid then" if a woman is raped at night is encouraging people to think these rapes are not that bad.

Of course we should all be sensible, Andrew. But I still maintain that I have never heard a male victim of robbery/mugging etc blame himself for having been in the wrong place at the wrong place. Or his friends hint that of course what could he expect. But women do blame themselves - and women get blamed.

Again, you don't often find police forces putting up posters warning people to drink sensibly to avoid mugging. But they do when it comes to rape.

I agree to an extent Andrew it's just that with regards to rape there are so many myths, so much victim blaming, and no real chance of justice for victims. It's not the same as top ten tips to avoid being pickpocketed. Even if your wallet is hanging out of your pocket people blame the thief for robbing it not you for being a bit drunk/not wearing trousers with proper pockets/giving someone a fiver earlier so obviously its assumed you must wish to give them your entire weeks' wages. It's not treated the same as other crimes, so the parallels don't work.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon, SinicalSal it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

There is a sensible middle ground between putting yourself in every vulnerable position possible and some crazy 5pm curfew.

It's just common sense to avoid some situations. We all end up in vulnerable situations sometimes - it happens, no one's perfect - but let's be honest, it's not something to be blase about.

there is a very, very fine line between "it's not a good idea to stroll through a dodgy neighborhood at 2 a.m." and "Well men can't help themselves, and if women are stupid enough to be around, well, shrug"

I don't think it is a fine line. It's a yawning chasm.

I drive a car without airbags. Does that mean if some boy racer kills me it's my fault? No. I'd still like airbags though.