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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

10 Tips to Prevent Rape

688 replies

coldwed · 19/10/2011 09:43

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

OP posts:
MrsBethel · 20/10/2011 10:21

I reckon longer jail terms would help.

Really, all rapes should probably be punished with a life sentence.

What is the chance of a rapist, once released, committing another rape? What is it? 10%? 5%? 1%? I don't know what the figure is, but whatever it is, surely it's preferable to leave the criminal rotting in a cell rather than take even a 1% risk of another woman being raped.

UsingPredominantlyTeaspoons · 20/10/2011 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsingPredominantlyTeaspoons · 20/10/2011 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeScream · 20/10/2011 10:24

Sorry, got my threads muddled up. Didn't mean to refer to this poster. I meant the Blame The Victim ones.

Yes, longer jail sentences would help. But getting the bastards locked up in the first place would be a start. And challenging rape myths in general society is the way to go so that juries don't believe a load of old crap and find them not guilty.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 10:25

Jail terms only deal with the crimes after they've been commited.

Surely the sensible thing is to deal with the minds of men who believe rape is acceptable before they rape, before they screw up someone's life

Hullygully · 20/10/2011 10:26

I really think putting that poster everywhere would make people think. Men and women.

cory · 20/10/2011 10:29

I see that Teaspoons has already made the point I had laboriously typed out: advice that saves one woman and endangers several is dodgy advice. And advice that causes confusion which might lead to more rapists going scot free is seriously dodgy advice.

Hullygully · 20/10/2011 10:32

yy

StewieGriffinsMom · 20/10/2011 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tianc · 20/10/2011 10:34

That ^^.

MrsBethel · 20/10/2011 10:38

So we've concluded that bad advice is bad.

Does that mean that good advice is good?

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 10:40

Good advice is good, yes.

bUt there is no good advice on how to avoid rape.

cory · 20/10/2011 10:57

Advice on how to avoid being raped is a bit like advice to children on how to avoid being abused by their parents. You may know everything there is to know about the question but the other person is still stronger than you Sad

MrsBethel · 20/10/2011 10:58

So would you leave your drink unattended with a man you've just met in a club?

kelly2000 · 20/10/2011 11:01

If we constantly differentiate between rape and non-consensual sex, like many rape justifiers do then we will never stop rapes. Its a simple message, "if they did not say yes of their own free will, you are a rapist, you are not some young lad confused by the girls of today, not some prick tease victim, not a young red blooded male who just went a bit too far, you are a rapist!"

Whatmeworry · 20/10/2011 11:01

bUt there is no good advice on how to avoid rape

But does that mean no advice should ever be given?

What would you advise your own daughters?

Its kids aged 16 - early 20's who are most likely to be raped, so this is the real problem any mother of teen daughters faces.

kelly2000 · 20/10/2011 11:02

mrsbethal,
I would not leave my drink unattended with a man I knew at a house party. raping a stranger is far mroe likely to lead to a jail term, than raping someone you know.

roz1982 · 20/10/2011 11:03

That leaflet is one of the best bloody things I've ever seen. Love love love it. I love it because it's nothing to do with what women should or shouldn't do to avoid rape, which is often what is focused on which is ridiculous because it totally takes responsibility away from the one who rapes. It doesn't trivialise rape in the slightest, it's ironic.

LaWeasel · 20/10/2011 11:07

No I wouldn't leave my drink alone with someone I'd just met.

But that doesn't make it good advice to avoid rape.

It would be far more effective to advise not to leave your drink alone with anyone ever, but it's pretty impractical if it means you have to cart your cup of tea with you everywhere you go through your own home if your neighbour or sibling or partner etc is around.

squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 11:08

If you do a google search with the key words "woman raped after on way home" it will throw up lots of results :(

In almost every link the woman has been attacked as she made her own way home, on her own, late at night.

If these women had stayed with their friends, there is a very good chance that they would have got home safely.

Why is it so "bad" to advise young girls, who may not be as sensible as older women, to think before they make decisions that have a devasting result on their lives.

Yes, there are lots of other scenarios where there is absolutely nothing that the victim could have done differently to avoid being in a vulnerable position, but that does not apply to the above examples.

I am 42, and have lived long enough to read many many incidents where young women have been raped, and murdered, because they made the wrong decision. In my teens and 20's I know I put myself at possible risk, because I was over confident, because I thought it wont happen to me, because I had the attitude that I see on here of "I have the right to go where I want to go and sod the risks"... with age comes more common sense, and yes, I do have the right to walk wherever I want, at any time I want, but common sense tells me that just because I know I have the right, there is a chance someone out there thinks they have the right to attack me for being there alone. They dont have that right, but I would rather do what I can to ensure they dont get the chance either.

LaWeasel · 20/10/2011 11:09

I have already said Whatme that I have a daughter (and a son) and I won't be giving them any rape avoidance advice, I will however be giving them advice about staying safe in general when drinking and at other vulnerable times.

The only advice I will be giving them with regard to rape will be a huge amount of discussion about consent and what it really is.

squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 11:14

LaWeasel, if your daughter was going out clubbing with her mates, and told you she would be walking home alone afterwards, would you be happy with that? What would you say to her?

jenny60 · 20/10/2011 11:14

Hate the fact that so many women have been raped and so many were unreported Sad and hate that those of us who haven't been, feel lucky Angry.

Love the leaflet. Am going to put it on my door at work.

Tcanny · 20/10/2011 11:15

Hate to say this as a bloke, BUT THAT POSTER IS VALID.

It boils down to if she hasn't said yes then you are being a rapist. And this poster places responsibility right where it should lie. WITH MEN MALES WHO THINK THEY CAN JUSTIFY RAPE I point blank refuse to call a rapist a man.

Actualy pretty thought provoking OP

MrsBethel · 20/10/2011 11:15

"No I wouldn't leave my drink alone with someone I'd just met.

But that doesn't make it good advice to avoid rape.

It would be far more effective to advise not to leave your drink alone with anyone ever, but it's pretty impractical if it means you have to cart your cup of tea with you everywhere you go through your own home if your neighbour or sibling or partner etc is around."

Hang on.

So you wouldn't leave your drink unattended with someone you've just met. But if I advise my child to do likewise that is not good advice? Because it is impractical to keep your cup of tea with you at all times?

What?

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