Supermarket car park staff member - WIBU?

[HalloweenOutThatPumpkin]

AIBU, SN, Waitrose and the car park. I must be stark raving mad, but here goes ...

I shop in the same branch of Waitrose every other day and have done for years. All the regular staff know me and the guys who collect the trolleys are among them.

This evening half the car park was totally empty so instead of driving round the one way system shown by the arrows I nipped into the "down" lane, parked in the first space and got out of the car.

Cue fairly large trolley bloke who has SN of some sort (not sure what they are because he never talks to anyone as far as I know) shouting "Eh! Eh!" at me and pointing at the ground. I couldn't work out what he meant and just looked confusedly back at him. After a minute or so of this he walked over and shouted right in my face "One Way, One Way" and pointed at the arrow. I said that there were no other cars there so I couldn't see the problem. He followed me round the car, still shouting "One Way" at me while I hunted for my bags. It was after dark, there was no one else around and I felt quite intimidated so after I had scarpered to the shop I mentioned it at the customer service desk. I just said that it was quite an outburst and it had left me feeling a bit shaken.

Now I am not sure if I did the right thing. I don't think he will lose his job over it or anything that drastic, but should I have simply thought "the guy has SN, he obviously needs people to follow rules, I've broken them and I should suck it up", or was I right to complain about him shouting at me?

[HappyCamel]

I'd say YANBU. He shouldn't have shouted at you or followed you around. Regardless of his personal circumstances that manner of communication is inappropriate and he would benefit from being reminded of it.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Rhubarb, surely (sorry for repeating myself) it would be a kindness to talk to the store manager; to bring the incident to their attention rather than to complain.

[Chattymummyhere]

About the Violence I am talking more about someone who works somewhere where I do not know if they have SN or not, but if someone was making me scared, following me and shouting in my face, as I said IF I felt I had pretty big balls that night I may well hit them and run for safety into the store and report.. If I was feeling whimpy and not under threat of attack from the person shouting I would run into the store and report..

Back to the man in the op's case however If this man is none to have outbursts like this and has been told to NOT police the carpark and has been reported for being in peoples faces etc then surely this is not the right job for him?

[Rhubarb0oooo]

Course it is inappropriate HappyCamel, to you as a rational and fully functioning person. Jeez, give the guy a break! The fact that he has never engaged with her before and when he does so he can only say a few words is a huge indicator that he has severe communication problems. Does that mean he should not be given a job where he might come into contact with members of the public?

Once he opened his mouth (and in fact beforehand since the OP stated quite clearly that he had SN so it must be evident from the outset) it must have been plain what the problem was. If you find it difficult to know how to react with such an adult then whose problem is that?

He may always have a problem, that's just the way he is and it's great that Waitrose have employed him for 10 years. They obviously think he is up to the job and it would be a shame if other posters (not the OP as she has gone back) reactions meant that people with similar communication problems were refused work.

[Rhubarb0oooo]

Jenai - I think Blu's response was best.

Chatty. How very sad you should think so. How sad that you have read what I have read and decided that he is known to have "outbursts" and has been reported for being in peoples faces. I must be on a different thread.

I'm off to make tea now. Well done OP for going back. As for some of the other posters, well just make sure that one day your attitude towards adults with SN doesn't come back to bite you on the bum.

[Sevenfoldedbloodybodies]

Rhubarb0oooo well done for writing such good and sensible and dare I say educational posts. I hope people read them and take note

[CompleteMug]

Oh and asking me to get off my "soapbox" because of what? Because I am arguing a rational and reasonable case for adults with SN? Because you want the thread to be filled with people who agree CompleteMug? Well whilst there are people in this world who have so little understanding and patience towards those with SN then I will bloody well stay put so suck that.

But you're not arguing a rational and reasonable case Rhubarb; you're coming across as livid on this chap's behalf and taking this very personally. You are very equipped to deal with someone with special needs, you're clearly educated on the topic, but you have personal exposure to it. Someone who doesn't, doesn't deserve to be called ignorant with such bite.

I'm all for reasoned and logical debate, indeed that's why MN is a part of my life, but it's when posters start typing with bite and vitriol that makes any thread turn sour. I'm puzzled why you find it so hard to accept that the OP was intimidated, and am wondering about your motives here. The malice in your post certainly does nothing to ease the problems of ignorance and un-awareness of SN issues...

[CompleteMug]

We agree on one thing, Blu's response was most certainly ideal but it does require some composure to do that. Everyone is different - have you never reacted in such a way, then afterwards cursed and kicked yourself for not doing it differently?

[senua]

Rhubarb "How sad that you have read what I have read and decided that he is known to have "outbursts" and has been reported for being in peoples faces."
OP (four hours previously) "The manager told me that there have been similar incidents over the years with him trying to police the car park and that he has had it explained to him that he shouldn?t try to, both for the customers' sake and for his own safety if someone should turn nasty on him ... he can be verbally quite aggressive if something upsets him."

Your comments might carry more clout, Rhubarb, if you actually read the thread properly. Try addressing what actually happened, not your imagined version of it.

[thefirstMrsDeVeerie]

I am glad someone else has mentioned the 'violence' thing.

Protecting the 'SN people' from themselves. Or rather protecting them from agressive fools who would smack someone in the head because they had a loud voice and looked a bit weird

No wonder hate crimes against people with disabilities have such a low rate of conviction.

They bloody ask for it with their odd ways and gesticulating

[dottynosleep]

popadop what's a "SN person" then?

[CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza]

Thank goodness Rhubarb is livid on this man's behalf CompleteMug - seems to me that a lot of people on this thread think people with SN should be locked away in case they distress anyone. And this isn't the first time I've seen threads like this - I remember ones where people have complained because their PFB was scared of someone with SN.

I'm sure most of you would say 'no, no, no, we don't want them locked away at all!'. Well what do you want then? Do you accept that people with SN have the right to be full and functioning members of the community? Do you accept that they have the right to earn a living?

I'm sure you do in theory, just as long as they behave and look like an NT person. And I'm sorry, but that just ain't going to happen.

So either you start becoming more tolerant, or you are on the side of compulsory incarceration. Because there really is no halfway house.

[CompleteMug]

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza another to add to the list of knee-jerk responses, I see.

Nowhere, nowhere has anyone mentioned locking up. Why are you determined to perceive that? There was one idiotic mention of a violent response, but otherwise....?

Sometimes, more problems are created by someone's indignant perception of the situation. There are quite a few of you seeing this thread not for what it really is. For whatever reason, you are determined to see prejudice in the OP, where none exist.

[CompleteMug]

seems to me that a lot of people on this thread think people with SN should be locked away in case they distress anyone. - Your perception of this thread Cristinaaaa. It's not written by anyone, or even suggested, is it? So why think that? Can't you see that this assumption creates an issue that didn't actually exist in the OP?

[CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza]

No, I know that no one suggested locking anyone up CM. That was sort of the point of my post.

Let me ask it a different way then - do you think people with SN who are capable of holding down employment should be enabled and allowed to do so? Assuming that you do, what kind of jobs should they do?

The point is that people with SN don't behave 'normally' because they're not NT. They may shout occasionally. They may not entirely understand social niceties and may be 'inappropriate'. Either we accept that and agree that they have the right to participate in society as much as they can (and that includes finding a job) or we exclude them.

[onefatcat]

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza your response to this thread does not seem to be based on anything actually written here. It just seems that the stock response from some posters to any thread which discusses SN is to look for any slightly 'un PC' remark, and cry PREJUDICE! ABUSE! IGNORANCE! when in reality very little of these are in evidence here. Not every member of society can have extensive knowledge and direct experience of living/working with people with SN, but that doesn't mean they are ignorant or intolerant.

[perrinelli]

OP am curious why you go to Waitrose every other day - that seems a bit much and a little weird!

[Sevenfoldedbloodybodies]

perhaps if the people who don't know about sn stopped and read stuff luke Rhubarbs posts they might actually learn something.
you also have to realise that as sn bashing is allowed on mn, people in the sn world are defensive, we spend a lot of our mn time defending our dc/family members

[CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza]

onefatcat - some of the attitudes on this thread are, I'm afraid, ignorant and intolerant. And I'm not going to apologise for pointing that out. I want people to think about what they are actually saying. Where and how should adults with SN participate in our society?

[CompleteMug]

you also have to realise that as sn bashing is allowed on mn, people in the sn world are defensive, we spend a lot of our mn time defending our dc/family members That I can't comment on, BUT that defensiveness has ridden rough-shod over what seems to be a perfectly reasonable post, hasn't it? I maintain what I said earlier, a degree of tolerance is needed from both sides in order to maintain understanding. Prejudice is never justified, but it works both ways.

[CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza]

ScaredBear - I hope you're right :)

[onefatcat]

I don't think anyone has said they shouldn't work or participate in society though. In fact, I don't think a single post has suggested that the Trolley Man should loose his job or not be working there in the first place. At worst, a few posters said he should be given a little more support from his superior and that the OP was right to mention the incident as she did.

[CompleteMug]

Let me ask it a different way then - do you think people with SN who are capable of holding down employment should be enabled and allowed to do so? Assuming that you do, what kind of jobs should they do?

Not sure if it's a direct question to me, but I decline to answer anyway because I don't think it's relevant to this thread. OP wasn't saying at all that this chap wasn't up for employment.

Again, you're taking this debate way off kilter here into a whole new area. This thread isn't about prejudice or 'sn bashing' as someone chose to put it, it was about someone who took a shortcut and handled to repercussions of that, badly.

[festi]

YABU follow the rules, [simples] can we have meerkat ican please MN. Im not going to read thread is pretty sure I can predict how its going. But felt I needed to do by bit of EDUCATION as MNHQ is expecting in its usual acceptance of SN bashing.

But blow me if Im wrong and this thread hasnt taken that sad turn.