OK Boarding School - this will make me Mrs Unpopular

[MsTownmouse]

AIBU for having sent my DS to boarding school. I have thought it through & I do love him & think it is the right thing

Just interested as a lot of people think that Boarding School and loving your child are mutually exclusive

pip pip

Well we have our children, husband works here in order to maximise not being sacked as a civil servant. Our best financial alternative is to return to the UK and not work at all and claim IS, HB, CTB, CTC etc etc etc and be a few grand worse off per year. Much as a year or 2 sitting at home and doing nothing and being paid to do so on benefits sounds like a great deal on paper, long term it would drive us mad and I'd feel immoral using the state benefits system like that. Changing job is the least likely thing we could do, unless we again deliberately take advantage to the WTC system to work a NMW job for a minimum number of hours. So in the circumstances, our son has made the decision to go to the UK, he is more mature than many 18 year olds and it does feel like he is going to university 2 years early. I think 14 years old is the limit where I would personally be very very uncomfortable with sending a child to boarding school, but that might be different if I were in the situation of having to decide upon boarding earlier than that.

natation the British Armed forces DO NOT get 90% of boarding school fees paid for. Parents have to pay a minimum of 10% of the fees. There are ceiling for each type of boarding (prep and senior school) which do not cover the fees ime. So all parents contribute something. If an expensive school is chosen then they will contribute more and in many cases lots more.

natation hope your DS enjoys boarding in the sixth form.
Sorry of my reply above to you sounds a bit curt, I have just reread it. I apologise!! It is just that people so often assume that the Armed Forces get all their school fees paid including those that go to Eton (this is the example usually used in the Press) and it is just not true.

I think it depends on the school and the child, I'd not judge either way.

A friend of mine has her childen HERE and the opportunities they've had are AMAZING. They can be home most weekends but usually don't WANT to. Rightly or wrongly, I think they're possibly going to have a better chance in life because of it, and I can't criticise that although I may be slightly envious as I can't give my children these chances

Well, my DS (now 20) went to boarding school from the age of 13 and loved it. He is an only child and we felt he would enjoy spending part of the year living with children his age. I regard our decision as unselfish.

People tend not to understand that when you factor in exeats, study leave, holidays, half-terms etc, boarding children can spend 40% of their time living under the parental roof. That is enough time to maintain the bond between parent and child - and I would argue that it can lead to a better relationship. Not so "in your face" - when teenagers can be pretty intense and adults can be very irritating.

My ds is also going back to the UK for sixth form to a state sixth form with boarding. It is a moot point with the rule change on CEA if we will get any help; if not, we have to pay it.

We are due to go back to UK in the first term of Year 13, so I have to either move ds, or ds and I, back to UK, whilst leaving dh here. Boarding will give him more freedom than I am prepared to allow him here; he will learn to manage his allowance; he will get his corners rubbed off (he's an only) and learn to socialise and do his own washing. It is only two years until he would be going to uni, so I'm with Natation here, (in more ways than one), he will get his leaving home skills a bit earlier than normal, and not find uni so much of a shock. I went where ds is going, and had the best two years ever, and would go back and do it all again if I could. Sadly, ds says I can't go with him, as he seems to think I am too old, and wouldn't fit in.

Going, based on state boarding fees, if we get CEA we would get 90% paid for as the termly fees are way under the maximum allowed.

I'm a naval daughter, boarded from 10, having previously been through 5 primary schools. DH also boarded from 11 for no apparent reason other than his parents didnt like the local schools.

I didnt mind it; he hated it. What I do feel though is that I never 'lived' at home again after the age of 10. It was still home because my parents/brother/animals were there, but something inside me became VERY independent very quickly. Too quickly, I would have said, for a 10 year old.

Would we send our children? NO WAY on god's earth. And interestingly most of our boarding school contemporaries feel the same.

why is a month old thread back? fwiw I thought the idea of boarding school was just plain cruel..... then I had kids