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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a fair compromise

177 replies

dealer · 15/10/2011 20:36

There's something wrong with our telly. I don't know whether it's the telly, or the freeview or what, it just malfunctions sometimes. I very rarely watch it, so I'm not bothered but I understand everyone else does.

So dh wants to sort it, I tell him that's fine, just figure out what needs repairing/replacing and sort it. He wants to buy a new much larger TV and get SKY, without actually knowing what's wrong so it's obviously just an excuse. I think SKY would be a massive waste of money and will cause arguements with the kids, but if it'll really make him happy then ho-hum, we can afford it. But I really, really don't want a massive TV in our front room.

He keeps getting the kids to 'vote' on whether they want a big telly, thus easily outnumbering me and making me out as an ogre when I veto it, which I'm annoyed about. They also keep pointing out that I never watch it, which is true but we have a small house and I will still have to have it flickering away at me all the time. I have sometimes found other people's tellies have given me headaches.

So I've told him he can have SKY if he really want it but no big telly. So he's done nothing and spends the evening moaning at me that I'm so tight and won't let him spend money on it every time it goes wrong. Which isn't true, if it's the TV he can go straight out tonight and buy himself a similar sized TV if he so wishes.

OP posts:

IAmSamSamIAm · 15/10/2011 22:43

YANBU, I would hate it if my OH insisted we fill our living room with a monster TV. Even if you don't watch it you still have to live with it.

(Disclaimer: just measured our TV and it's 19'', bought about 10 years ago and I pray it doesn't die on me or we'll never get one to fit in the space it lives in :o and OH and the kids will gang up on me and get a humungous one to fill half a wall.)

Actually I think you're being very accommodating saying he can get Sky, it's banned forever in our house, no way no how, it's Freeview and that's it, and that's only because the ancient TV doesn't work otherwise.

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 22:43

No I don't want a 24, we have a 24 because that's what we got off freecycle. I would prefer smaller I have already compromised.

OP posts:

ZacharyQuack · 15/10/2011 22:44

What size TV is your husband proposing?

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 22:45

Unclear, but it seems the bigger the better.

OP posts:

SquirtedZombieJuiceUpNose · 15/10/2011 22:46

Because you don't watch tv! Your DH and DC do. Sky gives them more choice. The size of the tv screen should indeed be what you are both happy with, as it can be a focal point in a room.

The reasons for not allowing this have been many and varied.

You would have been better admitting from the outset you don't want tv at all.

IAmSamSamIAm · 15/10/2011 22:48

Maybe there's a direct relationship between penis size and TV size...

Obviously you're totally emasculating him, his friends will all know who wears the trousers in your house unless he can go out and buy a whopper of a TV.

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 22:49

He could go a little bigger depending on what was available, but if we are buying a new telly I definitely want to know there's actually something wrong with this one.

Our problems may be with the freeview box, so there's no way we're forking out for a new telly if there's nowt wrong with this one.

I know I'm so controlling not agreeing to a family spend for an expensive unnecessary item, just because!

OP posts:

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 22:50

Well 32" is a perfectly normal sized television, and 3/4 of the family want it, and would benefit from it, and the other 1/4 doesn't actually watch television. As you are not going to use it, it is not really fair to force your opinions on them.

And 16" is a bloody portable ffs.

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 22:57

4/5 of the family want it.

1/5 of the family doesn't and does watch it about twice a week. I class that as quite a regular pursuit to be honest. I only play basketball once a week but would still list it as a hobby and would want comfortable trainers etc to make it a pleasant experience.

I still want to watch it sometimes and also want a say in how my front room is.

OP posts:

cantspel · 15/10/2011 22:58

An old box tv that you got off freecycle has probably reached the end of its life anyway. When old style tv's go wrong it is usually the tube that has gone which will cost more to repair then buying a new tv and you probably wont be able to get the parts anyway.

You are trying to dicate to your whole family which is unreasonable.

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 22:58

Have you seen your GP and optician about the headaches?

cantspel · 15/10/2011 22:59

Well how about letting your oh dicate that when you play basketball you can only use a tennis ball to play with.

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:03

Yes the tv is probably knackered, but I want to know this before we get a new one.
Dh has put no effort into finding out what's wrong, and just gets annoyed when it goes wrong saying I won't let him get a new one. Which is not true, I just won't agree to a massive one.

Been checked out, shrugging sort of responses, might be something migrainey? Not that bothered because I can usually avoid it.

Strangely much worse when pregnant( which is when I got checked) not intending on doing that again though.

OP posts:

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:06

The analogy falls down though, cantspel, because it doesn't affect him what ball I play with (similar to having sky instead of freeview in fact).

However for things we both use we have to compromise. Dh rarely drives my van, but he was certainly included in the considerations when we bought it.

OP posts:

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 15/10/2011 23:08

Squirted - I know there is a difference between flickering and the screen constangly changing - my TV does both (as I said, it's ancient). What I was saying is that even if it's a new one, that doesn't techincally flicker, it still 'moves & changes' all the time, drawing your eye to it.

As for the size of the TV - it doesn't matter if dealer watches it much or not, it is in their living room, it's not as though they have a separate family/tv room it could go in.

Personally I'd compromise on one about 32" but I can see why she feels she's already compromising if she'd rather not have a TV at all or a 16".

As for the old dinosaur - it would be nice to have a TV that takes up much less room (depth wise) & looks more modern, but I know the poor old thing would go on the scrap heap, so I can't bear to part with it until it chooses to check out of this world. Yeah, I'm a soft shit who ascribes feelings to inanimate objects

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 23:10

Ok well the way I see it is, firstly you're main complaint was that your headaches are so bad you can't even be in the same room as the television. Which means you have to sit in your bedroom if they are watching television. Yet you haven't pushed for an answer to this, asked to be referred, or explored other solutions.

Your family would like a new, bigger television. Again, this is not unreasonable, given that your current television is going wrong, on the very small side of average and was a freecycle one anyway.

IMO YABVU.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 15/10/2011 23:11

I hate huge TV's - the whole focus of the room is the TV. I like TV that know their place and that's NOT centre stage!

cantspel · 15/10/2011 23:13

Why would you want to pay £60 call out charge for a tv repair man to tell you your tv is knackered?

Sky is no comparrison to freeview and i have both 9sky in the lounge and freeview in the kitchen)

But you have already said you only use a tv a max of twice a week so why does your wish out weight the wishes of 4 people who use it more?
No one is saying go for a monster 60 inch 3d surround sound £25oo tv. Go for the middle ground of a 32" tescos special for £180

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:16

I can be in the same room as our present tv. I know from other's tvs and when we had one for 2 days that they cause problems the larger they get. It seems a little over the top to demand a referral for dh to have a bigger tv that I don't even want.

OP posts:

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:18

The 32" from tescos must have been what we got roughly. And I hated it! Why is that not reason enough?

OP posts:

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:21

I don't want to pay a callout charge. I just want dh to investigate where the problem lies. If he says it's definitely the tv then he can buy one, just not huge.

And I use the ROOM just as much as everyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:22

I'm not expecting him to be an expert by the way. If he decides for whatever reason it needs replacing then he can replace it, with a similar size.

OP posts:

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 23:24

Why is that not reason enough?

Because when you are part of a family, there is this strange little thing called 'compromise'. Just because you hate it, is not reason enough to deny the rest of your family.

You are part of a family. The right thing is what is right for the family, not one individual.

Original poster

dealer · 15/10/2011 23:26

I'm the one that's doing the compromising.

I only compromise with dh though. I will not have something I hate in my front room because my 5yo wants it there.

OP posts:

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 23:34

But you're not really. The Sky is irrelevant, you can afford it and you won't be affected by it.

But you want your family to put up with a clunky, old, breaking down television or get a smaller one, virtually portable sized. The reason being your crippling headaches which are so bad that you can't be in the same room as a television, and have left other people's houses because of them. Yet you have made virtually no attempt to find out what the problem is, even though it is something that affects you, your family (because you are dictating what they can/cannot do/have), and your friends (leaving their houses).

They are not being unreasonable for wanting a perfectly normal sized television. Or Sky.

You are being unreasonable for not even trying to get to the bottom of the headaches. And for dictating to your family what they can/cannot have when you wouldn't even really use it.

If you've made little attempt to get to the bottom of the headaches, you have no right to use them as the reason.

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