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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a fair compromise

177 replies

dealer · 15/10/2011 20:36

There's something wrong with our telly. I don't know whether it's the telly, or the freeview or what, it just malfunctions sometimes. I very rarely watch it, so I'm not bothered but I understand everyone else does.

So dh wants to sort it, I tell him that's fine, just figure out what needs repairing/replacing and sort it. He wants to buy a new much larger TV and get SKY, without actually knowing what's wrong so it's obviously just an excuse. I think SKY would be a massive waste of money and will cause arguements with the kids, but if it'll really make him happy then ho-hum, we can afford it. But I really, really don't want a massive TV in our front room.

He keeps getting the kids to 'vote' on whether they want a big telly, thus easily outnumbering me and making me out as an ogre when I veto it, which I'm annoyed about. They also keep pointing out that I never watch it, which is true but we have a small house and I will still have to have it flickering away at me all the time. I have sometimes found other people's tellies have given me headaches.

So I've told him he can have SKY if he really want it but no big telly. So he's done nothing and spends the evening moaning at me that I'm so tight and won't let him spend money on it every time it goes wrong. Which isn't true, if it's the TV he can go straight out tonight and buy himself a similar sized TV if he so wishes.

OP posts:
SquirtedZombieJuiceUpNose · 15/10/2011 22:08

There are a multitude of guides available to help people work out the most comfortable size of screen for their space. I linked you to one further up.

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:09

It is indeed, I was just saying that I didn't understand where the starting point should be for compromise. Since my ideal screen (if any) is smaller than I have now.

OP posts:
ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 22:09

Ok, firstly YABU because a 32" television is not big. It's average, verging on small now.

Secondly, you've been asked if you have been to the opticians, and you've ignored that. So I'm going to ask you again. Have you been to the opticians and your GP regarding this problem?

Thirdly, exactly how is it that you can sit on your pc for so long without having a problem? Considering that you can't be more than 2' away from the screen.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but, tbf to your family, you seem very controlling over this.

thisisyesterday · 15/10/2011 22:09

yes... working out a comfortable size. it doesn't say "don't have anything smaller than this" does it?

there is no rule that yo have to have the maximum size tv for your house Confused

when you spend a lot of money on things do you and your partner/husband not talk about it and agree on something that suits you both?

AbbyAbsinthe · 15/10/2011 22:10

Is it the money?
Is it the headaches?
Is it controlling?

Who knows? The reasons change every 5 seconds!

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:14

I've been a glasses wearer since 18 months old, so yes I see opticians regularly. I have asked and people just shrug to be honest. Most of the time I can avoid the problem.

And I assume that the pc is less of a problem because it's static, but as I've said can actually be worse if I'm very tired. If possible I avoid it then.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 15/10/2011 22:14

OP has said that the computer isn't a problem because it doesn't flicker... which is true. it is usually a static picture isn't it? apart from whatever you are typing

cantspel · 15/10/2011 22:16

If you were a man posting by now we would have seen the words passive aggressive, controlling and financial bully

so yes yabu

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 22:16

Have you asked your optician though? And your GP? It could be as simple as having a certain tint on your lenses, or anti glare, something along those lines.

I think you owe it to your DH and DCs to find out exactly what the problem is, and if there is a solution.

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:18

Money, I'd rather not spend the money, but he can spend if he wishes

Headaches, a significant problem, but I would still have a problem with this otherwise

Control, I don't see why having a say over the size of a piece of furniture is controlling to be honest! If I wanted to put a grand piano in the corner, but dh disagreed because it would be in the way and we'd have to rearrange and get rid of other furniture then I would respect his opinion even though he can't play the piano.

OP posts:
Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:21

Right so, lets assume there's a way of sorting my glasses so I don't get headaches. Wny do I have to say yes to an enormous (to my mind) tv when he wants larger and I want smaller? Even without the headaches I would prefer the tv to be less of a feature in the room.

OP posts:
ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 22:21

Well you are rather dictating to your family, they are not BU by wanting a 32" television at all.

ScarahStratton · 15/10/2011 22:23

Why? Because what they are asking for is not out of the ordinary or unreasonable. It's entirely normal. And very selfish to be so dog in the mangerish purely because you don't watch much television or want a larger one.

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:23

No they are not being unresonable wanting a 32".
Why am I being unreasonable wanting 16" (say) but actually compromising to a 24"?

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 15/10/2011 22:26

Because there's only ONE of you in the household that wants that option. That's what I meant by a majority rule. It doesn't really matter whether they're kids or not, it's a household decision - and your partner is in the majority, and has more of a right to the decision because of that. In my opinion.

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:27

It might be normal now, but 20 years ago it would have seemed huge to most.

Why do I have to have what the rest of the world considers 'normal' in my own front room? When I don't like it?
He can have whatever else he likes ( if we can afford it) but even without watching it much it massively affects the feel of the whole room.

OP posts:
cantspel · 15/10/2011 22:30

turn that on its head and say why does you oh have to have a small tv when he doesn't want a small tv.

Why is what you want more important than what your husband wants? especially as you admit you dont even watch the thing.

AbbyAbsinthe · 15/10/2011 22:31

Exactly, cantspel!!

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 15/10/2011 22:31

YANBU

Chipping you won't be alone with your dinosaur tv. Mine's a 28in crt tv and it's staying until it breaks down unless I win the lottery.

thisisyesterday · 15/10/2011 22:31

do you lot not understand the word compromise???

op wants tiny/no tv... her husband wants giant tv... so the compromise is a medium size one

why does one of them have to get their way?

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:33

We don't have a small tv, we have one which appears to be between what we both want.
On top of that he can have sky which I don't want to spend our money on, and I know he will let the kids watch way more than I would be happy with.
How is that not a compromise?

OP posts:
bushymcbush · 15/10/2011 22:36

It doesn't matter what your reasons are OP, whether it's headaches or just aesthetics. You do have a right to say over what major items are in your house.

It is no more selfish of you to stand your ground than it is selfish for him to stand his ground. Therefore the compromise you suggest is a meeting half way, and entirely reasonable.

And it is not fair to call the kids into a 'majority vote' because it's a total no brainer that the kids are going to vote for the biggest telly they can get their hands on. They are kids.

OP Yanbu. At all.

SquirtedZombieJuiceUpNose · 15/10/2011 22:36

There's another excuse now. The kids will watch more tv if you get sky!

Will it give you more hours in the day?

cantspel · 15/10/2011 22:39

well the majority on this thread take the view that a 32" is an average size so that would be the compremise. Op wants 24, he wants 50 so the middle ground would be 32"

the sky is a red herring as what is the point of "allowing" him to have sky if he cant enjoy it on an average size screen?

Original poster
dealer · 15/10/2011 22:41

Why am I only allowed one reason?

There are many reasons I don't want it. That's irrelevant, what I'm trying to ask is whether the compromise over our viewpoints is fair and reasonable.

So far no-one has explained to me why dh should have sky and a big telly, despite me wanting neither. I don't get why compromise is 'yes, of course dear, have everything even though I have multitudes of reasons for wanting neither.'

OP posts: