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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Too not move in this cafe.

263 replies

toobreathless · 15/10/2011 20:33

First post in AIBU, just curious to hear what others think.

Had a lovely day wondering around a pretty local town. Time came to feed DD, who was getting a bit noisy. Went into the nearest cafe (there are about six) & sat down at a table to feed DD while DH got in the queue for drinks.

Had DD firmly attached when two ladies approached (in their 50s?). I was sat at a table for two. One said to me 'you will have to move we have already bought our drinks & have nowhere to sit.' Stunned, I looked up & realised this was true. I wasn't the only one 'saving' a table.

I politely suggested the ask the gentleman sat alone at a table of four if they could share. They gave me evil stares & swept off.

I feel a bit mean now. Was I BU?

OP posts:

Pendeen · 16/10/2011 01:38

" One said to me you will have to move we have already bought our drinks & have nowhere to sit.' Stunned, I looked up & realised this was true. I wasn't the only one 'saving' a table. "

Says it all really.

Civilised, reasonable people never say you will have to move.

A polite request would have been impertinent; saying what they did was quite simply...

Pompous. Aggressive. Nasty.

Outrageous!

Iteotwawki · 16/10/2011 02:47

I wonder if they asked the OP to move because there were 2 of them, she was seated at a table for 2 and mentions that other "saved tables" had 2 or more people reserving them (ie could seat more than 2, so larger than the couple in question needed). The cafe was obviously busy if all tables were taken, maybe they didn't want to take up a larger table then they had to - hence asking someone sat at a table for 2 to move.

They were extremely rude in their manner of request / demand, so for that alone I would not have moved regardless of baby feeding.

I do think it's rude to sit at a table waiting, if it means that someone who has already been served has nowhere to sit. Unless I'm out with DH in which case it's perfectly acceptable behaviour (as long as I'm the one that gets to sit down)

TheSkiingGardener · 16/10/2011 02:58

Well put lovecat.

The cafes often have signs asking people not to table hog. Therefore they deem it rude. It's selfishly saying that you are entitled to take up space other people could be using in the meantime. Since all the justification I have seen for table hogging is "Well, it means I'm alright Jack and can laugh at you if you're not" I stick by my feeling that it is rude.

However, to drag this thread back to the OP. One of her party was already eating, because it was a baby the mother provided the food, which is valid. The ladies were rude.

NhameCage · 16/10/2011 03:06

If there are no tables then I wouldn't be ordering any food - hence why people 'reserve' a table by sitting down at it. What is a better way to do it? Order food on the off-chance that there might be somewhere to sit down and eat it. I don't get this argument.

cherrysodalover · 16/10/2011 03:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

cherrysodalover · 16/10/2011 03:28

And the op you know you were not being mean so let,s not pretend.
You know you were being utterly reasonable and you met two woolly breasted middle aged women used to picking on the poor females they have no doubt bossed around over the years.that is why they did not ask the man.more satisfying bossing their own gender,especially when one dares to bare in public.
Possibly trying to make you uncomfortable. I bet they knew full well you were bf but disapproved In That strange defensive way that some women who formula fed ............and their children were perfectly healthy.
Tiresome but we have all met them and you give em short shrift.

moreyear · 16/10/2011 04:09

Op you were not being unreasonable in the slightest. Shelley when I am by myself and I want to reserve a table I leave my coat or bag on it.

allhailtheaubergine · 16/10/2011 04:46

Am I missing something or is this the most massive non-issue ever?

Them: Can we have your table?
You: No.
Them: Okay then.
Mumsnet: OMG!!! FFS!!! [report post] [spontaneous combustion] [frothing beserkage]

MrBloomsNursery · 16/10/2011 04:50

YANBU. There was 2 of them. One could have queued and got the drinks/food too.

I hate it when people think they can pick on someone who looks vulnerable.

A quick flash of your boobs with daughter attached should have bought them back down to Earth.

runningwilde · 16/10/2011 05:01

Just read page 1 and agree that shellyboobs 'opinion' is just as nasty as the spiteful old women who inisited you move. Goof god what is wrong with some people?! Yanbu at all op and your encounter with these two nasty old harpies is a sad indication of how shitty a lot of people can be.

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 16/10/2011 07:48

Possibly trying to make you uncomfortable. I bet they knew full well you were bf but disapproved In That strange defensive way that some women who formula fed ............and their children were perfectly healthy.

what a load of bollocks

Mishy1234 · 16/10/2011 07:54

YANBU OP.

Whenever I've been somewhere with self service (e.g John Lewis), I always take the children to find a table while DH queues for food. It keeps the children out of the way of customers carrying hot drinks etc.

I can only assume (or hope!) that these ladies didn't realise you were bf. I've never managed to master the art of bf standing up and when a baby needs to be fed it needs to be fed. Pretty much everyone understands that don't they?

runningwilde · 16/10/2011 08:07

Love your post sevenfolded...

RustyBear · 16/10/2011 08:13

I thought we'd stopped with the 'nasty old harpies' and 'spiteful old women' thing. THEY WERE IN THEIR FIFTIES.

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/10/2011 08:16

Want2bSupermum
"If someone had said they wanted to buy the chair I would have asked them to wait until I was finished. Feeding DD comes first."

now that is a sense of entitlement.

HormonallyMine · 16/10/2011 08:20

If we follow the argument that you can't sit down in a cafe until you have bought your refreshments and have them with you, where does that leave us with waitress service? In a queue until the food comes out of the kitchen and the table needs to be found?

OP YANBU.

lovecat · 16/10/2011 08:46

[head desk]

Nhamecage, I refer you to my earlier post - often when you enter the cafe, there ARE spare tables. By the time you've been served, other selfish entitled bastards behind you in the queue have sent their other halves to save tables and there is nowhere to sit.

moreyear, if it were me looking for a table your coat and bag would end up being moved elsewhere.

Hormonallymine - if the cafe has waitress service, your argument is uttely irrelevant, because the convention is that you sit first and wait to be served. Often there will be a sign saying 'please wait to be seated'. It's the self-service cafes and coffee shops where this situation arises (and where they have signs saying 'please collect your food before taking a seat'.

Gosh there are an awful lot of 'I'm all right Jack types on this thread - and, as I'm 45 and probably appear 'middle-aged' to a 20 something, outrageous ageism...

BelinaTheZombieChicken · 16/10/2011 09:20

@ allhailtheaubergene

HormonallyMine · 16/10/2011 09:43

What a ridiculous system! Very proprietor centred. 'I can still sell, even though i may not have provided anywhere for you to sit'. Then set customer agaist customer. Probably an oldfashioned way of doing things. What is the advantage of asking customers not to sit before they have their food/ drinks?

Lot to be said for waitress service or at least a floor manager enforcing whichever policy they have.

suburbandream · 16/10/2011 09:56

Classic AIBU topic, there will always be those who queue and those who "pinch" seats. If I go to a coffee shop and I'm on my own, I DO find it annoying when there are lots of people saving seats while their friends/DPs get the coffees, but I've been guilty of doing the same thing when I've got little DCs with me or elderly relatives. I think, since you were breastfeeding they should have been more understanding, especially if there was another table they could share. I'm happy to share if I've had to sit at the last remaining table and its a 4 or 6 seater.

woollyideas · 16/10/2011 10:17

OP, What does the womens' age have to do with this? Glad some other people have picked up on this. It's downright offensive. Ageism seems very acceptable on MN. And 50 year olds described as 'old biddies', 'spiteful old women' and 'old hags'? WTF?

What if OP had put (black people) or (Jews) instead of (in their 50s?) - totally unacceptable.

BelinaTheZombieChicken · 16/10/2011 10:22

lovecat you say there are free tables when you queue up, but what's to say the people in the queue ibfront of you haven't all got their eye on the same table? Or do you count the number of people in the queue, mentally assign them tables before deciding if there is a free one? It makes no sense.

In every cafe I've worked in you gad to get a table and then go to the counter with your table number to order. People on there own would just leave a coat there or something, but I appreciate you can't do this everywhere without it getting swiped

MrsBaggins · 16/10/2011 10:54

allhailtheaubergine
It was a bit of a non issue until mosschops decided to come on the thread and windup BFs . I have met her on another thread (different name) and thought she had been sniffing the sherry cork
Then someone mentioned age .
I always find it funny when people get in a huff about people bagsying tables -they think its rude when in fact they think THEY should have the table.
Have you ever been in a cafe where people are falling over themselves and going "No Please you sit there "- can imagine a Mrs Doyle type scenario "No you Must sit there" "You MUST"
It goes without saying that you dont trample over old people and children etc

deburca · 16/10/2011 11:02

lovecat just to let you know I wouldnt move/touch anyone's coat/bag as you are basically interfering with someone elses property and leaving yourself open if said persons claims that something is missing from coat/bag. Its hilarious though that you would think of doing that - what would you do if the owner asked you if you were trying to steal them? .

Its a no brainer really. I have never been in a cafe/coffee shop/restaurant were tables were not reserved in some way, be it by a person/belonging.

ShellyBoobs · 16/10/2011 11:10

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Message deleted by Mumsnet.

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