to say that if you are a single parent..

[chickentikkatellmethetruth]

....I take my hat off to you. I really do.

I've been sick for the last two weeks and miserable because DH has been away for half of it and it's been a struggle.

I can't imagine how it must feel to do it alone all, or most of the time.

I really hope this doesn't sound patronising, I just wanted to say, you know, well done you guys.

Cheers

Actually, as a single parent I really am in awe of single parents whose ex doesn't see the dcs. I don't know how I'd cope without my fortnightly breaks when ex dp has them.

So double hats off to them - they are doing a very very difficult job.

zookeeper I'm one of the lone parents whose ExH will only see his own kids once a month. He only lives a couple of miles away.

This has fucked me up with my career, my social life, my own family life and my friendships.

my cockwomble of an ex has just cancelled his contact with the kids tomorrow as he's going to a party
THIS is the hardest part of being a single mum, when your ex hurts your kids, you can't tell them what a wanker he is, because that's too much for them to cope with.
He did the school runs for 3 weeks, told me it was a bit of a commitment and not to let it go on too long. Then dropped me in the shit saying he wouldn't 'help' me as I wouldn't write off his CSA debt. He was annoyed I didn't thank him enough for 'helping'.

Sorry needed to rant
WANKER WANKER WANKER

feel a bit better now

I was able to laugh about it icognito until he cancelled contact tomorrow
I need a break I really do
even though I hate the kids being there
it sucks sometimes

I just don't get it, why keep taking me to court for contact he doesn't really want, then cancels it. It's as if parenting is an optional thing that he can do when he feels like it.
Sorry for hijack OP
This has been going on for 6 years now, I feel I'll never be free from the fuckwit

My ex dosn't see my dd. I hope he steers clear till she's 16 and she's old enough to make her own judgements about his character.

And yes it is very, very tough. but hey; it takes balls for this game and I have a big pair of metaphorical balls!

I find it so disconcerting to read how many of you had single mums who passed away before their 18th birthday! EEEEEK! Is there a reason for that?! As a single mum who's mum died of cancer recently I hope to stay alive for as long as possible.

If your married friends really envied your single status then they would join you.

But they choose not to because they don't actually envy you.

Not necessarily Bridget. Most of mine are tied with financial commitments for one thing and that the kids don't want them to go...also I am quite a bit older than many here as are my friends and you do get set in your ways, good or bad.
I did the same for years, struggled on accepting my lot. Only recently after 18 yrs did I have the guts to call it a day.

For those with 'twattish' ex's who mess the kids about; your kids will realise as they get older, don't worry (my older 2 did and have turned out gorgeous, caring and kind but have nowt to do with their sperm donors)

And for those worried about the stigma don't. Being a single parent does not mean your kids will fail, despite what the DM likes to portray. One friend of mine has a son at Cambridge studying physics despite coming from a lone- and very hard up- family. My own eldest has a degree, another friend has 3; one completed a degree, one doing one and the other one on the way.
I could mention many more but I'd be here all day!

It certainly is gruelling being a LP. The kids haven't seen their father in over 2 years so I don't get a break. I'm currently waiting for my sunday paper to be delivered, one of my luxuries to stop me going mad. My mum helps a lot but she's 65 so I'll be lucky if she can still help in 5 years time, the kids are only 4.11 and 3yrs so I'll probably be doing the teenage years on my own .

But it's better than living with an abusive, shouting partner threatening to smash us and the house up.

yabu,

I'm one of the ones who's twatty ex doesn't pull his weight. He is still in his mums spare room, 6 months since he left, apparently the £2.5k he earns a month isn't enough to allow him to save up the deposit, first months rent & basic furniture so he can get his own place. I suspect the money he spends travelling up and down the uk to visit his fiancé, along with what he's spent on hotels for weekends away and of course her engagement ring might have something to do with it.

As a result he does the school runs if he's around, and looks after the girls now and then in the school holidays, but he never has them overnight, so I've had one "night off" in the last 6 months.

I crave 1 weekend a month off. That's all I ask, but I know really that it'll be a miracle if he's in his own place by Christmas....

I'm still happier without him though, even though it's hard on my own.

DollyTwat Sadly some fathers go to court for contact they have no intention of keeping, because being able to say to their new wife or girlfriend, and friends, family and workmates, that 'My Ex forced me to go court to see my own children' makes them seem more heroic and less like the feckless twats that they really are.

They also then can claim that it cost them thousands of pounds (not the £150 court fee to fill in a simple form) 'to go to court' and so that is why allegedly they have no money for child support.

IMHO. And personal experience.

Thanks OP

Generally it's not too bad, but when I'm ill, or the dc are, that's when I feel the strain.

My friend that says she envies me is the same friend who calls her dh 3 or 4 times a day to tell him what the dc have been up to or to talk through decisions. Her dh also baths the dc and does their bedtime story 6 nights out of 7, pays for everything, picks up takeaway 2 nights a week so she doesn't have to cook and does half the housework. I'm sure if she actually thought about it she'd realise that she doesn't envy me and how much her saying she does makes me want to slap her

That said being a LP is far preferable to being in a bad relationship, at least now I have peace and I have hope. And the weekends that xh does have the dc (which seem to be getting slightly more regular) I get to have a hangover in peace

some single parents are better off, financially & emotionally than a couple

depends entirely on the individual situation, you cant generalise

Men who cant be arsed with their children and abuse the court system - really piss me off, for the sake of the children, and because they make it harder for genuine men having problems getting contact.

Couldn't agree more, MJ.

Amazingly, though, some men do do this. And are allowed to. Repeatedly. By the family courts.

And lots of men of course are brillliant absent fathers.

Like OneNerve says, hard to generalise. But I do wish the family courts would enforce contact orders on non-residents parents!