to say that if you are a single parent..

[chickentikkatellmethetruth]

....I take my hat off to you. I really do.

I've been sick for the last two weeks and miserable because DH has been away for half of it and it's been a struggle.

I can't imagine how it must feel to do it alone all, or most of the time.

I really hope this doesn't sound patronising, I just wanted to say, you know, well done you guys.

Cheers

[FearfulYank]

What a douche Pirate .

I am with the OP. I can just barely hold it together when DH is gone on business.

I take my hat off to all the single mums and dads.

[springydaffs]

Thank you thank you thank you. HOw lovely you are OP to think of us.

[Bewilderedmum]

Thanks for your thoughts - it makes me feel appreciated!
Ex-dh left about 2 years ago, after continuing an affair with a woman at work. He subsequently moved in with her.

I have two boys, one of whom is a teenager (14)

I have no family nearby, and at times it's been hard. On the positive side, ex-dh is a really good dad, and supportive, but works v.long hours.

I can't tell you the number of times I have bitten my tongue so hard it's bled, like when the boys first started to stay with him and his gf, and all I got was "'J' is great! she's really really nice!!" - whilst I was struggling to deal with everything at home on my own. But now, we get on well - we were always civil and friendly (bleeding tongue) for the sake of the kids - but now we are good friends.

For me - the worst bit is feeling alone with it all. That second voice of authority occasionally, when I have a truculent 14 yr old on me case! The sheer organisation that has to go into stuff (I work and study). And then there was the memorable time that me and the boys all got norovirus - we ended up camped in my bedroom, on the floor covered in plastic, vomit buckets galore, for what seemed like days!

Then there were the holidays alone with the kids, managing everything, and whilst enjoying it, feeling a bit overwhelmed....

But I like having space, not feeling like I have to cook for ex-dh when he comes in from work at 9pm, and being able to just have some cheese on toast etc. I do miss have someone there, to beable to say "hey! guess what ds2 said today? I did this at work today.." It feels a struggle occasionally.

But generally - I'm a happy camper x

[trulyscrumptious43]

Ooh yes MJlovesscareypants, blended families are difficult, I started off doing nights and nappies for toddler stepdaughter, they (3 of them) lived with me for years, and after the split I ended up not being allowed any contact with the steps, nor was my DD, who was terribly upset for a long time. She used to cry at the Spice Girls album because they all used to mime it together.
V sad :(

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Not got time to read all the thread but I agree with the OP wholeheartedly. It's not till you are on your own for any length of time (in my case dh works away a LOT) that you realise how fecking hard it must be to do tthat all the time. Sincerely, I think single parents are bloody amazing. Hope your children appreciate it too!

I want a "round of applause" emoticon, will the do?

[trulyscrumptious43]

Thank you for the lovely sentiment, it is much appreciated.
About 5 years ago I realised that I'd got through most of the hard bits (DCs were 9 and 14 and I'd been on my own for 7 years) without really noticing them pass, and I might as well tell myself to stop worrying and enjoy life because obviously I must be doing something right!

LP to 2, 1 ex absent, other ex used to be overbearingly present but has now lost interest.

[ToothbrushThief]

I'm on Number 3

Those on number 4..... make that move!

[ToothbrushThief]

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht Sun 16-Oct-11 21:01:58

Feels like a fairy tale gone wrong at times

Sums up how I feel

I'd list my preferences for family life as follows:

1. Two parents working to support each other
   
2. Lone parenthood but supportive ex seeing kids and paying maintenance
   Joint 2) New partner who understands/is supportive and blends in
   
3. Lone parenthood with fuckwit ex
   
4. Married to fuckwit

[FreudianSlipper]

i love being a single mummy we have a great life and i do not want things to change

i study, work p/t and the ex is involved and i have no money worries i am in a lucky position that is what makes it easier for me but i have had to work hard not fighting with my ex had to keep so much of what i wanted to say and still want to say to myself to get where we are today and that was not easy. we get on fine now and sometimes i have to remind him of his responsibilities but he is getting better

when i was fighting with him it was horrible it was so stressful and made me so miserable i can understand why some say they wish their ex just buggered off because at times even though this was not the best thing for ds i felt like that

[piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht]

hey thanks dolly.

yes lets carry on with the nice bits!

[piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht]

well it goes with the territory I'm afraid. many of us are doing all we can to right the lives of children who are cruelly affected by the absent parent.

i have to say the thread just brought it out of me. that's the problem when you are alone.

[DollyTwat]

My fault I had a rant. Let the thread be lOvely again. Sorry

[SunRaysthruClouds]

Oh I seem to have missed the bit where the thread changed from 'lone parents' to 'lone mothers vs absent fathers'

[DollyTwat]

So sorry for your dd Pirate
Why do they do it? Better to fuck off completely than play at being daddy when they feel like it

[veryconfusedatthemoment]

As a new LP I am in awe of those who have travelled this road before me. It is fucking hard work, lonely and add to that the emotional crap from my ex and his OW.

[piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht]

oh if we are talking about useless exes.

My ex, recently let my dd down again, after she hadn't seen him for 2 yrs. She extended the olive branch once more, but he reverted to type within 3 days of her trusting him again.

She was devastated, and said she wanted to go to heaven.

So, my job is to repair, compensate, and a millions and one other things, on top of the normal day to day stuff. Yet he can wallow in life's unfairness, pay us nothing, go out, study, and say he can't change, but still expect his dd to forgive him, AND he won't talk about whats been happening the last 6 years. All the hurt and let down. He refuses to talk about it, becuase he says it hurts him too much.

OH MY GOD.

my dd is only 9 years old :(

[piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht]

thanks. i get what you mean.

it can be pretty lonely, but it's at it worst when illness strikes and you get trapped in the house. Then you sometimes have to bundle ill child into car to pop to the garage, in his/her dressing gown and pray you don't bump into thier teacher!

The worst one for me this year was with us both down with swine flu, i was the most ill i have ever been, dd not quite as bad. That was bloody hard. I used to have a nice dh, but he left and lost the plot a long time ago.

Feels like a fairy tale gone wrong at times, so thankyou for taking time to appreciate us.

[DollyTwat]

*iphone correcting there sorry!
The good bit of being a sp is that I don't have to live with that cuntbangling, cockwombling, cuntfaced twat of a fuckwit

[DollyTwat]

MJ and Linerunner thanks for the support and sorry to hijack your thread for a rant Chicken
I know why he does it. It's about control. And costing me money (he is in legal aid as he won't work as the csa will take his money)
As soon as I self rep'd he stopped. Not as much fun for him
The school runs we're about control. He actually complained that I hadn't thanked him for doing 3 weeks of them!
It's the lying to the boys I hate, I have to put it right then they're caught in the middle

I wish he'd fuck off I really do. Parenting as an optional hobby is a wanky thing to do.

[LineRunner]

Men who cant be arsed with their children and abuse the court system - really piss me off, for the sake of the children, and because they make it harder for genuine men having problems getting contact.

Couldn't agree more, MJ.

Amazingly, though, some men do do this. And are allowed to. Repeatedly. By the family courts.

And lots of men of course are brillliant absent fathers.

Like OneNerve says, hard to generalise. But I do wish the family courts would enforce contact orders on non-residents parents!