to say that if you are a single parent..

[chickentikkatellmethetruth]

....I take my hat off to you. I really do.

I've been sick for the last two weeks and miserable because DH has been away for half of it and it's been a struggle.

I can't imagine how it must feel to do it alone all, or most of the time.

I really hope this doesn't sound patronising, I just wanted to say, you know, well done you guys.

Cheers

[aldiwhore]

Maybe I'm being a bit unfair then... sorry OP. I think most mums are freaking amazing really. I envy some single mums as much as I salute them, same vice versa... sorry, in the way you intended it, and given all the bashings single mums get day to day, you are right.

My single friend chose to be that way, so maybe that's the difference, she salutes those in relationships for giving up a bit of their control and cannot understand why a man would equal a more easyhappy life.

Like I say, sorry sorry!!

[meltedchocolate]

Anyway, that was a rant sorry. I shall take my bow and leave :o

[scuzy]

melted chocolate thats true but when you have no family or friends around and live with someone who suffers from severe depression it is like being a single mum. i am lonely and dont have someone to moan to or cry to as i am the one that must be strong.

sorry personal circumstances obviously shading my view but it aint all roses being in a relationship and being a mum either.

[TheCrackFox]

I think single mums do an amazing job too.

[meltedchocolate]

Scuzy You know I just started writing a response saying how I have also been with a severe depressive and it still isn't the same...

I then deleted it as I remembered more and more what it was like. It's not the same, it is so much harder. I am so sorry you are going through that. It was a very dark time for me and I would do anything but go back. IME some abusive behaviour usual comes from the depression too. I hope this isn't the case for you. I take my hat off to you for coping.

[smokinaces]

I will just say thank you :-) it is a struggle sometimes and i wouldn't have got through the last 18m without drugs but I am damn proud of working and raising two kids (both with additional needs) myself. I have been married, and had a husband that worked nights/away/had no work and depression/no money and lost our house, but can honestly say single parenting is the hardest I've ever done

[aldiwhore]

scuzy Take my hat off to you too.. because you're in that place between the rock and the hard place huh? Unable to have freedom to do as you see fit, with someone you love but unable to reap the rewards, unable to have any freedom attached with singledom because well, you're not!

I think this was where I was coming from in my original comment, that actually probably wasn't appropriate on thsi thread because actually I DO think that 'single mums' don't deserve the bad press they get, and a thread saying 'high five' is harmless and compassionate, and OF COURSE there are many exceptions. You being one of them, so I salute 'single mums' more than I'd 'berate them' as a group, but I certainly certainly salute/hug/pity (not patronising, but fuck I wouldn't swap with you) you too. x

I think maybe, we should all be atking our hats off, but for this thread, with respect to the OP and her sentiments, I will join in the salutation of single mums.. because they get such hard press.

I'll also send a virtual hug to you scuzy, because you're situation is undeniably shite. x

[CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza]

Thanks :)

And cheers yourself

[Fatshionista]

Hats off to them, indeed. DP has been working pretty much constantly and I have to manoeuvre public transport with a baby in a pushchair and a three year old who always wants to do her own thing walking. The school run is a nightmare twice a day and the days out or shopping trips don't bear thinking. We do it but it's a struggle. Plus, it took me 45 minutes to bathe and clothe the two of them yesterday.

I give all the awards to any mum struggling. It can be a hard slog with nobody to call for help.

[BOOareHaunting]

Well being a LP I don't get any much thanks or appreciation for what I do so I'll take the and any compliments going

It is the lonliness that get's me, I agree when things are bad (financial, illness etc) there's no-one to thrash ideas around with, get perspective from.

That's why I bloody love MN.

(Working LP of just the 1!)

[BellaDonnaSansMerci]

Thank you. It can be wonderful; it can be just awful. I find it lonely and the responsibility can be overwhelming but, as others have said, you just get on with it.

[BellaDonnaSansMerci]

Also working LP of just the one.

[adamschic]

I miss a male influence atm as DD is learning to drive very slowly and all her friends have passed already due to their dads taking them driving and even buying them cars whereas I'm too chicken to sit with her. She will get there in the end but you feel it in strange ways.

Apart from that I think I've had it OK and can see that being a two parent family isn't always rosy either.

[scuzy]

thanks guys things are improving but its a very long slow process. no abusive behaviour... selfishness yes but not abusive. il ove him, he is in there somewhere will take time to find him again. thanks guys :-)

[chicletteeth]

Oh FFS! Listen to some of you.

OP simply came on to say, she'd not had much support as would have been ideal over the last couple of weeks. On the whole many single parents don't get as much support as is needed and she is trying to be NICE.

NICE

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with some of you?

Her post was in no way patronising or rude, it was a 'I don't know how you manage' post.

Who the fuck get their knickers in a twist over that.

[ilovesprouts]

im a single mum my ds2 has sn /ld its hard but i just carry on

[FagAshLill]

PMSL CHICLETEETH.

[SeratoninIsMyFriend]

I want to add my salute: have frequently thought the same since having kids.

My mum was a single mum from the age of 35, when my sister and I were 5 and 3. I am now 31 with almost 3yo DD and 2mo DS. My DH is fab. I just don't know how she did it, plus the additional issue of being the only single mum as all the people she knew were married until we hit teens. She never moaned and I assumed it was a nice way to live, until I once blithely said as much when about 15 and the look of horror and despair on her face as she realised we thought it was pleasant still sticks in my mind. I get that for some, lone parenting is a better option than the marriage that preceded it but regardless: her reaction said volumes about how hard she must have found it - emotionally, financially, practically. I feel very lucky that she managed to see me happily married before she died as I think she felt relieved she had not ruined our chance at functional marriages as a result of her own having failed.

Anyway, well done. Have lots of and . [hsmile]

[BoosMaw]

My DH went away for 3 weeks at very short notice, and I struggled to keep everything on track. I also work, and I missed a big deadline at work, because I completely ran out of time in those 2 weeks. I juggle furiously at the best of times, and without DH's help I just failed in that one thing. Got me thinking. I was raised by a single parent, I know I don't appreciate everything my mum had to go through for us.

[BoosMaw]

2 weeks, 3 weeks, my above post seems muddled... I'm still tired!! DH was away for 3 weeks, my work got unusually busy for 2 weeks... it makes sense to me!

[aldiwhore]

chicleteeth in my defence, I've back tracked and taken the Op as was meant... and apologised for being very Monty Python Yorkshireman sketchesque!

However, point taken, slap delivered home, job done... thoroughly told.

And joined in the 'yup... salutations' vibe.

and peace offering??

[GrownUpZombieKiller]

Eek! I've been ill for the past week myself and it's been hellish! Hope you are a bit better now, I'm still at the stage where I am spending most of my time horizontal, although today I managed periods of activity in amongst the illness.

I am a single parent to two, with a new partner who also has a child, being ill this time was easier some ways than when I was alone with a toddler and breastfeeding baby, but I still struggled with guilt at not being able to pull my weight and leaving all the work to my partner. There's positives and negatives to any situation.

I've been a parent, single parent, lone parent and now a step parent and I can say this... raising children is a tough job for anyone, and I am always in admiration of anyone doing a good job because I always feel like I am scrabbling to keep up with just being satisfactory, lol.

[zookeeper]

Thank you OP - it is very very hard and lonely being a lone parent sometimes and the responsibility can be overwhelming . So thank you again.

I have to say, however, that for me being a lone parent is far less lonely than being in a a bad relationship. Whilst I am sad my dcs don't have a mum and dad under the same roof I know they would have been raised in a very unhappy home had I stuck with my exdp.

[adamschic]

Seratonin, that's a credit to your mum that you thought it was pleasant. Mine says the same that she would be a single mum anyday as she has had a happy childhood. I tell her to try it a different way first .

Secondcoming, it's great knowing that if you f up it's entirely your own doing. I've been in a few long term relationships and I'd rather not be involved in other peoples mistakes.