to say that if you are a single parent..

[chickentikkatellmethetruth]

....I take my hat off to you. I really do.

I've been sick for the last two weeks and miserable because DH has been away for half of it and it's been a struggle.

I can't imagine how it must feel to do it alone all, or most of the time.

I really hope this doesn't sound patronising, I just wanted to say, you know, well done you guys.

Cheers

[GreenMonkies]

Thank you.

I've been a single mum (to two) for 6 months, but in reality I was a lone parent for the last few years. My Ex did virtually nothing unless nagged/ordered to, I often felt like they were my kids, and he did stuff with them now and then as a favour.

It's hard, being the only adult here, I get very tired (I have Hyper Mobility Syndrome, so get chronically fatigued, and am pretty much always in pain to some degree) but at least now I only have to 'manage' my DD's, and haven't got to walk on egg shells around a stroppy man-child.

scuzy, my ex has also been severely depressed, I actually think he's bipolar. I've supported him for 11 years, holding him up/together when he was low/falling apart, and keeping him vaguely grounded when he was flying as high as a kite. He has blamed so much of his unhappiness on me, withdrawing from me and the girls, then complaining he felt isolated and alone, and sought emotional 'connection' with a variety of 'friends'. I forgave him so much, because I loved him, and even after I discovered him having a full-blown affair (hotels and everything!) I tried to give us another chance. We started counselling, but whilst were were doing this he "developed feelings" for someone who lives at the other end of the country and at that point I called it quits.

It's hard sometimes, but I've found I'm happier than I was before.

But I appreciate the sentiment.

[unpa1dcar3r]

Why thank you OP
Que trumpets and marching band
Personally I lurve being a lone parent...one less child to worry about and my workload is about the same as when he was here so not much difference there..plus I still get him to do all the odd jobs around the place mwhahaha
signed
full time unpaid carer to 2 very severely disabled sons who are both bigger and stronger than me, plus 2 others plus a grand daughter, plus doing teaching degree after completing my BA couple of years back.

[AmIthatbad]

chickentikkatellmethetruth Thanks, I take it in the spirit it was intended.

There are threads kind of relating to this in the lone parent section. It is hard for lots of us. I can never be ill, for example.

But your thoughts are much appreciated. And I don't do huggy type stuff, but if I did....well to you

[Moominsarescary]

I was a swp to 2 ds for years, I was so lucky that my mum and gp helped out, It must be so much harder if you have no support network

[ChaoticAngelofSamhain]

The sentiment is definitely appreciated :)

[Flamingredhead]

ty Op.Am Lp to 4 and one with sn oh and in a wheel;chair myself

But im sure that i am not the only Sp who when they see a hub by/bf/partner and wife etc sniping at each other think thank feck I do not have to put up with that .

I make the descions no one to moan becuase the kids are noisy/playing up or eating fishfingers for 2nd night in the week

[ToothbrushThief]

[ballstoit]

I've been up 2 hours with DD2 (2), and was feeling a little pissed off dissatisfied with my lot.

Will accept the applause in the spirit it was intended . The last 2 years have been damn hard work.

I have helpful, supportive extended family and really admire LPs who cope without any help.

[DollyTwat]

Thanks for the sentiment op

I've been on my own for 6 years since ds2 was 6 months old and ds1 was 3. He's 9 now and some nights after yet another row with him, I just sit and cry because I know I've handled it wrong, but dOnt have anyone to hand over to. Sometimes when we all cuddle in bed it's lovely and I know I've got some of it right.

My ex is a fuckwit and still makes life hard by undermining me, letting the kids down.
I work full time too.

[toptramp]

YANBU- however I have always been a single parent so I don't know any different. I just get on with it.

I am really glad that my child's father isn't around as he is useless but I would like a nice capable man who is USEFUL, kind and loving.

For the time being I'm just enjoying being able to make my decisions and being in control of my own destiny to a certain extent.

Thank you op.

[Flamingredhead]

Advantage of being Sp . Have just decided that did it were of to for weekend ( have merkin cards) got a very good deal on hotel overnight and I not had to check If it is ok with anyone else .

I actually enjoy being sp 99% of the time yes theres times when would love a break .But would find it very hard to live with someone else no matter how good they are . My house my kids my rules my life : ( helped as my x washed hands of the dc so no underminding )


Dc are 17,14,8 and 6

[WinterIsComing]

Merkin cards? Sounds like an interesting weekend!

[RalphGhoul]

My mum was a single parent. She was fucking awesome. I can't tell her how grateful I am for all the sacrifices she made for my brother and I, nor can I tell her how happy my childhood was, because she passed away when I was 10. But I can tell you lot; you are fucking awesome and your children know it too.

[ballroomblitz]

Thank you op.

It's nice to hear that rather than a negative comment. It is hard work, especially like at the minute when ds and myself are both dying with chest infections. You kind of have to ignore your own illness.

My mum is an absolute star though with helping out with ds and supporting me through studying. Hats off for all mums!!

I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship with xp. An aggressive, smug, undermining asshole who's first words are always to give off to me about something or other.

[shagmundfreud]

YANBU

So, so hard to parent alone, or without full and equal support of the other parent.

I imagine I would sink like stone without DH to carry half the load of our family life.

I also take my hat off to single parents.

[unpa1dcar3r]

Ha most of my still married mates are jealous of me...wished they had the guts to go it alone. Personally like I said before I love it, despite the boys being (SLD) full on 24/7.
At least i don't have to put up with wondering what i did wrong this time to put him in a bad mood, deal with his depression and how awful his life is, or cater to his demands anymore....looooving it

[MissPricklePants]

thanks op! I am a single mum to dd 2.4 years and have been for over 2 years!it is hard but I seriously love my family dynamic!ex is useless and not v bothered about parenting or dd but its his loss. Only downside is that I am broody and obviously need a man for that.

[smokinaces]

An aggressive, smug, undermining asshole who's first words are always to give off to me about something or other.

I hear you. I admit, I do think some of my married friends are envious. I have a great job 4 days a week term time only. I have 2 brilliant kids 6 days a week. But for 24 hours a weekend they go to their Dads and I get to have a break. I realise thats why I cope so well with being a single parent - as much of a twat their Dad is, and as crap with money, at least he (currrently) sticks to his agreement of 24 hours every weekend.

And the not having to think about someone else and being able to make the decisions all yourself is another high point.

[Proudnreallyveryscary]

I have a lot of friends who wish they were single mums as life is so tense and stressful with their OHs.

I'm not minimising the reality and difficulties of being a single mother, but I agree with the others that a marriage where both parties are pulling in opposite directions is probably as hard if not harder.

I am FT working mum and, as with all parenting situations, you just get on with it to the best of your ability really don't you?

Even so, OP YANBU - and single mothers have a as it's too early for .

[ToothbrushThief]

Agree with the posters stating that single parenthood is better than being with a pia. It's still preferable to be with a supportive adult when bringing up children

[GeneralCustardsHardHat]

I was, at one point, a single parent that worked full time and studied in my 'free' time.

I am now in a good relationship and still working and still a parent but have to say, single parenthood is a piece of piss compared to being in a relationship!! No having to consider the other persons parenting style or conflicts on that front. And no underpants on the floor either.

But I get what you mean. Helps having a good support network around you.

[maristellathewitch]

Thanks OP :)

I'm a single parent to teenage DS, and have been single for most of his life. I've had relationships, but have always been a SP.

I'm bloody proud of everything we have achieved, and feel that I am so much better off in every way than if I had stayed with twatty XP.

I worry myself sick about getting it wrong with DS, and at times I have got it wrong. But I love not having to compromise on my parenting. DS and I do what we want when we want. XP really hated my spontaneity, but we love darting off for the weekend at the drop of a hat, or just staying in and nothing blissful nothing purely because we want to.

DS' education is so important to me, probably even more so because I am a SP, I don;t want him to be defined by only having one parent. When I was growing up it was assumed that the children of SP's would have less opportunities etc but I feel that DS has had more opportunities because XP would have stood in the way of them. XP would not have supported me in my mission to get DS to be more organised and proactive.

[Booooooyhoo]

thank you OP. i dont feel patronised at all. it is nice to know that some people recognise the difference it makes to have one less adult in the house. extended family and friends are great and a real godsend at times but it just is not the same as having a partner who shares it all with you, even just to sit on the sofa with a wee glass after the kids are in bed and look at each other and know exactly how that person is feeling because you are both in it together.

[Booooooyhoo]

"I assumed it was a nice way to live, until I once blithely said as much when about 15 and the look of horror and despair on her face as she realised we thought it was pleasant still sticks in my mind"

how amazing that she was able to get you to your teens without you realising how tough things had been? that is commendable. my mum wasn't a SP but from a young child i could tell she struggled with parenting. i struggle too and my dcs can tell so i think your mum must have been some knid of superhero to be able to keep you from seeing all the shit and letting you have such a happy childhood. well done your mum!!

[DelGirl]

a lot of times I so wish I wasn't a lp (obviously) and wish dd had her (late) df.......but no more so than now when she is being a horrible so and so just so I could get a break grrrrr

lot of so's in there so rry