Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to stay at home this christmas and cook for my family instead of going to in laws?

129 replies

mrsm123 · 12/10/2011 22:20

is this a common dilema? does anyone have the guts to say "love you all to bits but we want to stay at home this year - see ya!" tee hee.

OP posts:
borderslass · 26/10/2011 20:13

Yes he's 17 DD2 is 16 but he's also ASD among other things so extremely anti-social. DD1 was here with her BF on Sunday for dinner we decided where having steak and chips for christmas followed by cheesecake. Smile

Original poster
mrsm123 · 26/10/2011 20:35

aw that's good! enjoy it. and wash it down with somethin nice.

OP posts:
familyfun · 26/10/2011 20:45

we see family xmas eve and boxing day, xmas day is just the 4 of us, we stay in pjs, eat when we want, kids can take as long as they like opening presents, no working round other people and i hope we keep it like that forever.

Original poster
mrsm123 · 26/10/2011 20:54

thats lovely "familyfun". and thats the thing, youve just got to do whatever makes you all happy. as long as theres not a poor wee granny left on her own or something like that, people should do what makes them happy at christmas.
we will see my side of the family on boxing day this year.
everybodys sorted, so we will just enjoy it.

OP posts:
WhoWhoWhoWho · 26/10/2011 20:57

YANBU I have never taken DS out on xmas day. Once or twice we have visited a relative in walking distance on the evening but nothing more. TBH I'm relieved I had the foresight to make this rule when DS was born, I imagine it would feel harder to do if you have got into the yearly routine of going out to a relative on Xmas day.

Lay down your new tradition of staying in on Christmas day. I love chilling out at home on Christas day and watching DS play with his presents. Smile

ScaredtheDeesusOutofMe · 26/10/2011 21:00

I can't decide what to do this year - normally we got to my parents on christmas eve, stay overnight then drive back to DH's parents mid-afternoon on christmas day.

However this year I will be 38 weeks pg on christmas day so kind of want to just stay home with DH....and who knows what is going to happen next year (not exactly sure why I'm worrying about this already but I am!)...Confused

Original poster
mrsm123 · 26/10/2011 21:33

38wks pg??!!
stay at home women!
put your feet up!
get hubby to cook anything!
enjoy the tv!
snooze on the couch!

actually, im getting jealous, i wish i was 38 wks and could do all of the above.

OP posts:
Flubba · 26/10/2011 21:35

I'm inspired by you mrsm123 - DH and I have been together for 10 years, married for 6, have three kids (4 and under) and have done the 'alternating' Christmasses before. My ILs live 6hrs drive away (my parents are 20 mins away), so it makes it all or nothing with each set of parents, but I really, really want to have our 'own' Christmas at home ~ with or without our parents. ILs only have our 3 DCs as grandchildren, but my BIL lives near them and needs also to be considered in preparations (at 34 years of age!).

Problem is DH enjoys going to his parents for Christmas. I hate it. Completely not how I envisage Christmas. His parents may well be devastated that I don't want to go there. :(

ILs arrive tomorrow for a few days, so am going to pluck up the courage to 'ask' them if they'd like to come to us for Christmas this year and then, quietly, to mention that I don't want to be going up to theirs ever again for Christmas - I'll even let them sleep in our bed while DH and I kip down on our baby boy's floor Hmm. Am worried though, because I know DH's mother will be sad/upset/hurt about it. :S

Any tips?

DiscoDaisy · 26/10/2011 21:43

My OH and myself have 5 children and always spend christmas just us. Our house is only just big enough for us 7, never mind my parents and his parents.
The thought of going to other people's houses for christmas fills both of us with dread in terms of the organising it would involve.
We see GP's in the week before to present swap and speak on the phone on christmas day but that is it.

ScaredtheDeesusOutofMe · 26/10/2011 21:51

Thanks you for that metaphorical slap round the face mrsm123! Your reply really made me smile [hgrin] and also have the confidence to say what I want to happen this year. I honestly feel soooo much better now!

Original poster
mrsm123 · 26/10/2011 21:51

thats nice you care about your mil's feelings, as do i mine.
but that doesnt mean that we cant consider our own feelings and that of our childrens. i just feel once you start having your own kids, they come first and others should fit in around them, if they chose to do so. it doesnt mean you dont love the big family thing but more that yours come first now, not parents/grandparents feelings.
to be more blunt, i cant stand pathetic mums and sons who dont ever consider the wife/daughter in law. times are a changin. do it your way and invite them along.
think how much your kids would love the atmosphere in your house on that special day - and youve got 3 under 4??!! EVERYONE should be accommodating you, not the other way round. get hubby to man up. bribe him or something (haha) i know he enjoys xmas with his own parents (who doesnt) but thats not the priority anymore, he should put you and kids first. create new traditions for your kids to grow up loving.
im going on now, but you get the idea.

OP posts:
Chestnutx3 · 26/10/2011 21:51

Just stay at home, invite who you want to invite and have fun. I really don't understand all this travelling around for days around Christmas. Think we are refusing to budge on boxing day to visit DH relatives this year as it means my Dad ends up on his own plus the kids want to play with their toys not their cousins toys. Every year it leads to alot of stress in the family of who is going where - MIL lies each year to "soften the blow" as it is a great honour to host her and as the only DIL I have not been granted the priviledge as if I give a .... but feel sorry for my kids, as they will realise as they get older that they are treated like second class citizens Sad.

Original poster
mrsm123 · 26/10/2011 21:53

any time scared x

OP posts:
Flubba · 27/10/2011 08:19

I know, I know! Believe me, I know. :o But DH hasn't come round to my way of thinking yet. It's genuinely a surprise to him that I might want to have our own 'immediate family' Christmas - but I think it comes from the fact that he used to spend Christmasses with his grandparents?

Hullygully · 27/10/2011 08:41

Everyone comes to us. I can't imagine the horror on the dc's faces if I said no one was coming and it was going to be just us..How do you play charades and such with just a few people?

Original poster
mrsm123 · 27/10/2011 21:09

Flubba - my husband's way of thinking was the exact same as your husband's only a month ago! but i talked him round and he realised he had to compromise. he grew up going to grannys but i grew up with granny coming to ours. so, fair's fair! youve got to try it other ways.
he's now lookin forward to it as kids are too and particularly cause his mum is in to the idea too. but do you know what? see if they didnt agree - i wouldve done it my way anyway, cause ive always compromised, every year.
anyway, good luck asking them! or convincing him first!
ps to get it into perspective - it doesnt need to be a big deal. suggest it with confidence and encourage them as you would do a child just to "give it a try". if they agree, make a great day and then that can become your new tradition? thats my evil genius plan anyway!

OP posts:
Flubba · 27/10/2011 21:54

Hi mrsm :o :o :o

Why the big smile, you may well ask! I was about to open my gob to say (full of confidence!) "we'd love it if you came to us for Christmas" and before I could say it, MIL said "I presume we're coming to you this year?" Shock Shock!

Now, aside from the Hmm at her presumptiousness Wink :o, I'm so pleased. I haven't yet mentioned this is how it's going to be forever more, but I will, before the weekend is up.

Result though! (DH and I are a bit in shock :))

madmomma · 27/10/2011 22:00

I'm cold hearted and have always said 'we're staying put but you're welcome to join us at 3pm'. Mum hates it, but that's life. It helps that DD1 was a xmas day baby, and I've another dd due this xmas eve, so hopefully a double excuse to stay at home.Grin

Original poster
mrsm123 · 27/10/2011 22:00

wow! that is brilliant!

is DH happy?

you're sorted then! well done - well, you didnt get to ask but well done anyway - ha ha.

ps now weve both got our wicked way, i hope we enjoy it and its not too much stress! otherwise it will be humble pie and some sooking up for us!
doubt it though.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsm123 · 27/10/2011 22:01

to go to theirs next year i meant.

OP posts:
Flubba · 28/10/2011 05:54

haha, yes, I do feel a bit of a cheat for not having to ask. And genuinely am a bit Hmm at them assuming they could come here (DS will be 11m, DDs will be 3 and 4 yo, and our kitchen is teeny!), but apart from that Wink it's good. Yes, humble pie had better not be on offer, so I had better make it a good'un (which I will! :o)

right, better get on with ordering some huuuuuuuuuuuge turkey then! :)

Flubba · 28/10/2011 05:57

Yes, DH is happy because he knows this is the best for everyone - his mum thinks it's her idea (which it is essentially), and I don't get to stamp my feet and create an awkward moment in the asking. Also, if I hadn't got my way, I would have been miserable to live with. Really looking forward to making a lovely Christmas home for us all :)

TheHumancatapult · 28/10/2011 06:06

i stay home and not only that ds1 and ds2 have a curry for dinner made day before and nuked when they want dd and ds3 have pizza when they fancy it .

Then my mum and step dad pop round maybe boxing day and then few days later everyone comes to mine .I need wheelchair access so get out of the having to visit people but that may be a tad extreme for other sto get out of christmas Grin

Original poster
mrsm123 · 29/10/2011 14:56

good on you flubby.

and human - i think youve got the best deal of all! sounds like a very chilled christrmas. enjoy x

OP posts:
HidingInTheUndergrowth · 29/10/2011 16:52

Me and dp do a rota with one year my parents, next year dp's family, 3rd year we stay at home on our own and see nobody. This year I will be about 28 weeks pregnant with our first and we are really looking forward to spending our last child free Xmas at home alone watching films and eating cake. Bliss :o

Personally I prefer to visit others when we do the family at christmas as it means we can leave when we want rather then having people hanging around our tiny flat for ages. But then I am a terrible scrooge and would joyfully ignore the whole thing if I could get away with it.