Page 2 | to want to stay at home this christmas and cook for my family instead of going to in laws?

mrsm123 · 2011-10-12T21:20:29+00:00

is this a common dilema? does anyone have the guts to say "love you all to bits but we want to stay at home this year - see ya!" tee hee.

pointydog · 12/10/2011 22:57

The only time in the whole year? Really?

GnomeDePlume · 12/10/2011 23:00

I'm with Things this is how we do Christmas - takeaway with DM on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day in our own home. Boxing day buffet with PiL.

It works for us.

ThingsThatGoFlumpInTheNight · 12/10/2011 23:04

IMO - you spend a lot of time, money and effort building up to having a good Christmas. In my case lots of that time, money and effort is invested in getting my home ready for the big day.

Therefore on Christmas Day, I want to be in that home, not anywhere else. I also don't want to use precious time that I could be spending enjoying Christmas with my DC, running round after relatives who are not half as important to me as they are.

Maybe if I were closer to some of my relatives I would feel differently. I'm not, so I don't.

beanandspud · 12/10/2011 23:07

Since we had DS we have stayed at home. Anyone who wants to join us is very welcome to come and stay but I like Christmas in our house, where DS has his own stuff and we don't have to pack up/hide all the paraphernalia and presents etc. I love cooking and shopping for Christmas and generally it's a relaxed family time.

Sometime between Christmas and New Year we visit the out-laws for a few days but that's it.

pointydog · 12/10/2011 23:07

Yes, if you don't like your relatives and they irritate you, no point spending time with them. The op did say she loved hers.

Harecare · 12/10/2011 23:17

Pointydog - I can well believe that it is the only day for Timmytime. I think it is for us too. I sometimes work weekends and DP works ALL the time. It is so rare that we spend a whole day with nothing else to worry about than having a nice time. DP actually said that Christmas is the only day he gets to spend round the table with his family. It isn't. We have sunday dinner about once a month with his family, compared to 3 long visits a year to my family - he usually only comes for 1.
I like DPs family, but they are not MY family and I want to have things happen at a time that suits me and my DCs, not at times that suit them that mean DCs get tired and irritable.

Julesnobrain · 12/10/2011 23:54

When I was a child I loved my family Christmases and we went back to my parents most years until we had DC. Now I want my children to have lovely happy memories of our family in the same way. We are at home on Xmas day and invite assorted relatives either on the day or subsequent days depending on whose turn it is. For instance we had mum and dad here last year and my brother wants them this year. All very amicable, relaxed and lovely. Sadly my PIl died last year but we did the same with them.

To those who feel obliged to go to ABC relatives and do not enjoy it. I recommend you asking them to put your dc first and let you have Xmas at home. If they want to spend it alone cos they won't leave animals well let them and visit them on boxing day etc. I know that sounds mean but I remember my mum holding out firm against her parents that we would have it at our home not trek halfway around the country, we all really loved it and I want to pass that to my kids.

MrsBloodyTroll · 13/10/2011 02:11

We are breaking out of the alternating-between-parents cycle this year and we're delighted about it.

It should have been my family's turn, which would have meant us hosting everyone as we have biggest house. But we had DC2 a couple of months ago and fortunately my Dad realised (for once!) that we might find it difficult to host this time, so suggested we give it a miss this time.

So we are going to stay at home with the DCs in our pyjamas, open presents (which will be minimal), and eat a normal roast dinner. Our aim is to have a frugal-but-fun day - I've been saving our Tesco vouchers all year and they should cover the food, drink, and hopefully presents too. The emphasis will be on spending time with the DCs and each other, which we don't do that often as DH is working his nuts off.

We will then go to PILs for a day, probably Boxing Day, and will meet my lot for a pub lunch some time over the Christmas period.

It has the potential to be the best Christmas EVER, and the cheapest (last year we spent an effing fortune and weren't even hosting). Do it, OP!

Tortoiseinadarkspell · 13/10/2011 02:19

MrsM, one way to sell it to your husband is to talk about the things he loved as a child, at Christmas, which his family don't now do. Mine has this very early memory of lying on his tummy watching a toy train set trundle around the tree and through the presents...it wasn't at his house, his parents don't own a train set, he was probably about 2 or 3 but it's a clear memory, he loved it. So last year, when DD was 2, he got really, really invested in recreating that for her. I mean, she was pretty much terrified by it, but he's hoping that this year she'll love it. It's this totally disproportionately important thing to him. But I'm all for it, because I don't want to go to the in-laws either!

(Also, getting knocked up with a December due date can work. High risk strategy in the long run, though)

LoveBeingAWitch · 13/10/2011 02:29

Just a thought but maybe a trip to gransnet for some advice on how to handle?

JoandMax · 13/10/2011 03:22

Do it!! We have always done alternating Christmases and once DS1 came along it was a pain in the arse - all the stuff to take, he didn't sleep well, constantly watching him as no stairgates etc

We had DS2 last year who was very poorly and we were knackered, stressed, all DHs holidays had been taken with hospital trips and stays so we were desperate to do nothing. I was a complete wuss and let DH tell my parents we would be staying at home..... They understood though and we had such a brilliant day! It was so relaxing just being able to do whatever we wanted, no fitting in with other people, sleeping in our own bed etc. We were upfront again this year and have said christmas day is just us and we'll have an open house on Boxing Day, I can't wait!

bagelmonkey · 13/10/2011 04:50

We have DD this year and decided that it wouldn't be fair to go to one set of GP and not the other, so said we'd stay put and anyone who wanted could cone to us. My parents are flying over & renting an apartment with my brother for a few days. FIL says there is NO WAY he is leaving his own home on Christmas day, although I think MIL would love to cone to us. PIL have 4 other GC that live bear them they don't see, but we're about 3 hours away. They have never spent a Christmas with any GC. DD is my parents first GC.
We've spent more Christmases with PIL than my parents since I've been with DH, but mostly due to work and travel reasons. Hopefully now we have DD we can start staying at home.

Witchofthenorth · 13/10/2011 05:09

Yanbu,

We started our ouwn tradition last year. Mainly because I wanted to have a relaxing day without having to drag the kids out and about when all they wanted to do was play with their toys, and me and DH to have a cozy clothes day :)

None of us go for the traditional dinner so our new tradition is to have a vote on what's for lunch, last year we had a buffet style, sausage rolls, pigs in blankets, bowls of sprouts (just for me ), lots of different finger foods all laid out on a blanket in the living room, everyone helping themselves while watching christmas telly......it was bloody brilliant, best Xmas I have EVER had.

Boxing day is for trailing about :).......must speak to the kids about this year :)

ZonkedOut · 13/10/2011 05:24

We don't have a tradition as such, but this year we're hosting PIL and possibly BIL. Last year we went to my parents, year before was DD1's first Christmas and we hosted my parents and DSis. One year, PIL hosted us and my parents, which was nice.

My DBs and other DSis all have children and prefer a quiet Christmas day at home.

sunnydelight · 13/10/2011 05:40

Of course YANBU.

One of the best things about emigrating is not having to deal with the Christmas crap! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas, but trying to keep everyone happy just doesn't work. My MIL ruined so many Christmases for me that one of the first things I think every Christmas now when I wake up is "yay, I don't have to see X today"

chocolatehobnobs · 13/10/2011 06:10

Poor martha that sounds hideous! And OP YANBU

ToothbrushThief · 13/10/2011 06:21

Poor Martha
I've been very lucky to have been in my own house for Christmas since my DC were born 19 years ago.

It wouldn't feel like Christmas otherwise... however I'm of an age when my DC might soon start to spend Christmas away from me and it will be a wrench. So I can well imagine some Grandparents have forgotten how to do a (quiet) Christmas on their own. It's probably quite scary.

I'd much rather my DC spent Christmas happy with their friends and called in than sat miserably or dutifully with me though.

Original poster

mrsm123 · 13/10/2011 19:55

toothbrush, you sound like lovely women. i can understand the other side of the coin.

martha- that a shame! i just couldnt do that. think of another alternative.

pointy - i dont really know what to say to you. i think my point is fair enough and very understandable. i have 3 kids and ive always alternated for 7 yrs. i think weve been fair. time to try it our way for a few years. if my parents in law love us as much as we love them, they will happily accept our offer. if not, then i think that's selfish and well have it without them then. but i dont think itll come to that.

everyone else, thanks. its good to know this is a common issue x

OP posts:

whackamole · 13/10/2011 19:58

I like having Xmas with my family. Haven't done it with OHs, but they are a bit funny about family gatherings.

It's the only time when everything runs smoothly and we don't all fight! Our kids are only little though, so if it's just us then it's just us to do all the cooking and clearing up

mamas12 · 13/10/2011 20:00

Well do you think he would like his dcs to have wonderful memories of their xmases at home?
Take turns

pointydog · 13/10/2011 20:45

You asked if you were being uerasonable. I gave you one other point of view. Of course you think you are being understandable.

Original poster

mrsm123 · 13/10/2011 20:53

ok cool.

i take you're a mother in law then who has issues with her daughter in law?

i say this cause that's about the 4th post you've done where you sound annoyed.

OP posts:

peeriebear · 13/10/2011 20:55

After going to my dad's house for Christmas dinner every year since I moved out, three years ago I suggested now DD2 was a bit older, that we start having it here and inviting Dad and my sister here. The past three Christmases have been sooooo much more fun. The DDs don't have to choose what toys to take to grandad's, they don't even have to get dressed if they don't want to. We can all have a drink, I LOVE entertaining and cooking, we make the house look cosy and festive, and when it's time for the kids to go to bed they just go, we don't have to worry about bedding them down in a different house or trudging home with sleeping children in our arms. Dad loves coming here as he is cooked for and his house is tidy when he goes home.
Do it, you'll never look back :)

Original poster

mrsm123 · 13/10/2011 20:57

thanks perriebear, sounds good.

OP posts:

Almostfifty · 13/10/2011 21:00

I have had one Christmas Day without relatives in 22 years.

I have my in-laws every year, as my parents wouldn't travel and I said once we had children they would have to do the travelling. Despite being invited they go to another sibling instead.

I don't find it a problem and never have. We could eat fish and chips and my in-laws would be happy, so long as we were together. If they didn't come to us, they'd be on their own and that would be dreadful.