to not expect my husband to sleep all day just because he's nightshift?

[switchtvoffdosomelessboring]

I fear I may have lost prespective , I'm so bloody damn mad at him. So I'll ask the MN jury if its me, or is he being unreasonable...

Ok, so my DH is nightshift for the next few months, working from 10pm till 6am sunday night till friday morning. I work too, four days a week. We have four kids, aged 7, 5 and 2 year old twins.

Is it unreasonable of me to expect him to get up two days a week and pick up the boys after school, go get the twins and feed them (i'm in about 6). Not every day, no no TWO days a week.

Point 2. The weekends. Now I realise that keeping to a nigshift pattern would make sense at the weekends if he was a single guy or it was just him an I. But its not, we have kids, and lying in bed all day while I look after them myself and staying up most of the night is not reasonable.

So am I??

Actually, OP, I think that you're being eminently reasonable. As you say, it is only 2 days a week, and it's not as though you're asking him NOT to sleep on those 2 days, just to adapt to the needs of his family for those 2 days. You have even offered to change your own hours to accommodate.
I think he should at least give it a go, and then if it doesn't work out (for whatever reason) then work it out from there.

I completely understand where you're coming from. I've 3 under 5 (twins too). When my husband is working in this country (he works away for a month at a time regularly) he does 2 weeks nightshift, then 5x12hr back shift, 7 earlys then back onto nights. He rarely gets a day off as a lot of that is overtime shifts cause we need the money. He's currently on his 2nd week of nights and I generally leave him to sleep till he's ready to get up. He has an hour drive to and from work and my biggest fear is him being tired and crashing the car. I was recently made redundant whilst on maternity leave hence him doing the extra shifts. We've decided I should be a sahm for now as he can earn more in 4 extra shifts than I could earn in a month with the jobs that are available for me just now. Plus we'd then need childcare.

It is hard keeping kids quiet so they can sleep and it's difficult feeling like you're being left to it while he's lounging about but not worth the risks of him not having enough sleep. He's an aircraft engineer so could technically kill hundreds of people just by being tired.

Things could be worse. He could be working away from home for months on end. Now that is hard

He works in a manufacturing place and is a technician. There is no production at night so they are in to do maintainance on the machines. The have routine stuff to do every night and if there has been any issues with any the machines during the day they have to fix it.

Nothing highly dangerous.

YABU I've Done night shifts before and have to sleep all day after the shift. I also needed a little bit of time to wind down after a shift . So if I finished at 6 I would go to bed about 8am. If he worked a day shift you would expect him to sleep all night.

I wonder how much the OP is getting of her 8 hour 'entitlement' with 2 yr old twins?

I can only assume most of the people saying DH is a bastard/prick etc have never actually done night shifts. Do it first, then talk about how unreasonable he is being!

When I worked nights, I would get in at 8am, drive dd to school then go home to bed. Get up at 2.30pm (so about 5 hours sleep), and pick dd up from school. Then back into work at 8pm (worked 8pm-8am).

I have to say they where the worst working time of my life. Permanantly tired, grouchy etc.

So with the knowledge that I did what you want your dh to do YABU.

Ive just got up after two hours sleep. Its hateful and, I dont care what anyone says, its not the same as being interupted during the night. Try walking a mile in our shoes!!!!

A few poster have asked if i would like to get up at 3am and do the school run. Well no of course I wouldn't. But I would, as they are my children and my responsibility. And I would do it without moaning and groaning and being grumpy.

LOL

I'm cracked up at the numerous suggestions that go along the lines of factoring in 8 hours sleep for the OP's DH. is the OP getting ehr 8 hours sleep a night I wonder? I woudl imagine not. That her DH's 8 hours should be protected is laughable.

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable OP. Twice a week to do the afternoon school run is perfectly reasoable. On those days, your DH should make sure he gets to bed as early as possible (I am assuming that if he finishes at 6 am, he could be in bed for 7 am) and he can relax in bed, if not be asleep, and be up for 3 pm. I know that I am certainly not asleep all night before getting up in the morning to do the school run 9and everything else that involves).

Stick to your guns OP.

No OP may not be getting 8 hours sleep. She says she is woken up be her DCs. But I seriously doubt that anyone working a nighshift isn't woken up during the day by noise outside. So her DH won't be getting 8 hours uninterrupted sleep either.

I don't think you're being particularly unreasonable, my DH did permanent 8-6 (Sun - Thurs) nights for over 3 years when DD was little, I was working too and he got up at 3 every day in term time to get her from school. He would be in bed asleep by 7am at the latest and he would get up by noon on a Friday so as not to waste a day.

For everyone saying 'don't comment unless you've done night shifts yourself', can I just point out that a number of people on this thread (including me) have done night shifts and still are saying YANBU to the OP.

YABU

Yes, I'm a night shift worker and I'm aghast at all the posters saying how unreasonable the op is.

I've worked nights for 8 years and the idea of me getting 8 hours sleep is laughable, it has never happened. I'm lucky if I get 6 hours, even when dh is off and I cope fine! I sleep really well at night when I'm off but not during the day.

Most people I work with who have children do the school drop off and pick up. For a lot of us, the reason we do nights is to avoid childcare costs.

Well the OP's dh can get earplugs but she can't just ignore the kids can she?

Nights don't suit everyone I am in the middle of doing nights and can't wait to get back to days I have had 5 hours sleep done both school rubs and am a single parent, and I can tell you I feel like shit and want to go back to bed but have another night to do tonight, it really messes my body click up and I am so glad I am not on permanent nights, there's no way I could go for weeks or months with only five hours broken sleep everyday!

School runs!

Body clock! sorry see that what nights do to some of us

I'm another one who says yabu. Ive done nights 4 on 3 off in the past, heavy physical shifts doing delivery all night, I used to do a 9 till 7 am, be home at half seven then be asleep by 9am because my heart would be racing and I would need to physically relax before sleep and eat as well.

ex dp also did nights for years and it really did mess with his body clock, He always looked ill, he lost weight. I did not expect him to get up for school runs although he did quite often take the kids to school for me but he would come home and go to bed then and get up about 4 ish

I work nights - to do the afternoon school run means I need to get up at 2pm in order to be awake dressed and vaguely in the world as it were. fine if I have finished my nights (which are 2000-0800) but I struggle if I am in middle of nights (and send DD to afterschool club. ) At end of day if I make a mistake at 0400 because I haven't had enough sleep it can be very costly - OP if I were looking after you I'm sure you would prefer me to have had a decent amount of sleep.

That said if I finish nights Sat am I drag myself to take DD to her swimming lesson at 0900 - somehow manage to stay awake long enough to fall into bed when we get home@1000

.

If he finishes at 6 I would expect he has a few hours before going to bed and then will sleep from say 9/10 to 5/6. That rules out the school run at the end of the day but means he should be available to help with getting up in the morning/breakfast/morning school run and then teatime/bedtime.