AIBU to tell them to piss off?!

[BabyMama212]

I've got a beautiful 3-month-old son, he was 9lb 4 at birth and is now a rather hefty 14lb 1lb. Today I gave him his first taste of baby rice and he loved it.

The reasons why I gave him baby rice today are as follows:

• He started sleeping through the night at seven weeks, but now he wakes for a feed again.
• Halfway through his feed he tries to physically push his bottle away, then complains because he is still hungry
• He chews his hands before and after each feed
• He is absolutely fascinated with our food and drink
• He tries to pick up our food
• God help us if we sit down to a meal and he isn't there. He'll even wake up from a nap if he realizes we're eating without him.
• He refuses to nap during the daytime when before he would sleep for two hours at a time and then be awake for 4-5. And if he DOES nap, he'll sleep for maybe half-an-hour, then get grumpy because he is very tired.

The trouble is that obviously, this incited the wrath of several mums I know who went ballistic on me for weaning before the 17-week mark. I've said that it's my decision, all of the signs are there and they've been there long enough for me to know that this isn't just a growth-spurt but a real thing, but of course they won't listen. One even borderline-accused me of child abuse.

I've told them to butt out and stop being so judgeypants, as I didn't judge them on deciding to start their child on pureéd food at the age of eight months, but they've really upset me.

I realize that the guidelines are there for a reason... but guidelines and just that - GUIDELINES! Aren't they? I'm prepared for abuse from other people on here, but I just want to know.... AIBU?!

Tortoise. Quite.

With all this 'u know ur bubs hun' going on, you'd think this was Netmums.

I'm not actually inclined towards believing professionals without objective evidence, bb, as all of the care providers foolish enough to attempt to dictate to me during my pregnancies will attest. And I agree about the allergies, and those arguments aren't bothering me. Likewise, the responses linking to evidence either for or against the issue.

It's the argument which begins and ends with 'you know your baby best therefore do what you want' that I'm objecting to. And there's a LOT of those responses on here.

Babybarrister, what a marvellous post.

Tortoise, quite. I am shocked that so many people simply ignore the guidance. Obviously weaning after 17 weeks is more of a grey area but the evidence against early weaning is strong and guidance is issued improve public health not to undermine mothers.

The fact most people ignore guidance completely does mean it is impossible to see whether there have been general improvements in child health since weaning at six months advised.

Agree with both of you.

Base your decision on something that has been researched, even though research isn't perfect it is always advancing.

"You no yr Bubs best hun" is doing a complete disservice to the poor child.

"So what about the new weaning advice that has now been around for some 8-10 years? Has there been a similar decrease in the number of young children diagnosed with autism and early onset diabetes?"

I think part of the problem is that very few people actually wait until 6 months because the world around you (including hvs, gps, family and friends) tell you to do otherwise. It may have been 6 months for 8 years but as is evidenced by this thread, swathes of people don't wait even until the minimum of 17 weeks. None of my friends, acquaintances, other mothers due around the same time waited at all. And for 20 years before this the guidelines were 4-6 months but this went unnoticed I presume because everybody on here is maintaining they weren't this at all and most people of my generation will tell you they were weaned at 12 weeks if not before. The guidelines were 4-6 months, people back then, as now, still didn't listen. What the Joneses were doing next door informed decisions far more than any research. When I had dd several years ago, people were pushing weaning on me from about 10 weeks as she was a huge baby and feeding 2 hourly. Well meaning relatives asked every time I saw them when I'd stop starving her (clearly the fact that she was enormous meant she was starving ). The longest any of my friends waited was 19 weeks. And people like rookery's sil don't help. She might be a gp but she's utterly wrong. The WHO issues guidelines for the whole world, the research based on all babies. And the issue is about the maturation of the gut which happens around 6 months. It is NOTHING to do with clean water and third world countries.

This is the problem. The same misinformation pops up time and time again, perpetuated by health care professionals. I've said twice on here (as have others) that the guidelines do not change all the time and lots and lots of later posts all say 'they change all the time/weekly' even after we've explained what actually happens with the guidelines. The misinformation is out there.

I actually know many people of my generation who have ibs/crohns. And a lot of them don't talk about it. DH was 3 months prem, weaned at what would have been 40weeks if he'd stayed in situ and he has a life of bloody misery in terms of digestive health. Might be beggar all to do with weaning but I know how many of my friends have the same problem but don't shout it from the rooftops.

I suppose the bottom line for me comes down to two things. One, people make the choice to wean based on the wrong signs (I'm not talking instinct, I'm talking waking babies who chew their hands while looking at your sunday roast) and I'd be happier if people understood the guidelines for what they are as opposed to what they've been told they are. Two, babies can thrive brilliantly on milk alone. And as long as they're doing so, they don't need anything else until their guts seal (assuming a healthy, thriving baby). While research shows when the gut actually seals and can cope physically with solids at the same time as they can sit up and self-feed, it makes perfectly logical sense to me to allow a thriving baby to continue on milk until the external signs of gut maturation show themselves. This generally happens somewhere between 4-6 months for the majority of babies. The 6 months guidelines are a good catch all. Nearly all babies will be ready by 6 months and they can happily manage on milk till then. But if you look at your baby and their developmental readiness, you will know what's happening internally anyway.

@ "shocked"

great post feelmywrath

Feelmywraith

I think you have a good point about guidelines. I think that 20+ years ago guidelines were even less likely to be followed with people relying on experience of friends and family. No internet for further research back then either. I know that in my family we were all weaned late because my mum followed what her mum had done many years earlier, nothing to do with guidelines at the time.

Excellent post feelmywrath

Unfortunately, it will be ignored by those that insist they know best.

Just thought I'd come on here and update everyone!

Went to give DS his injections today (yes, I'm pro-jab but that's another argument haha!), HV weighed him in at 15LB 10-AND-A-HALF OUNCES!! My scales MUST be broken, thought he was 15lb!!

I also described what I'd seen, the behavior he was displaying and what I'd given him, and she agreed with me.

Told me to carry on as he's already on extra-hungry (we were bottlefeeding him HOURLY with the normal milk for four weeks before our previous HV told us to stop being such idiots and switch him), and since he's a big boy he's going to need more food.

Once a day with one scoop of baby rice in the bottle is enough to sort him out completely, so she's said to carry on doing what we're doing! :)

sorry but am i reading that you are putting the baby rice IN the bottle? that is NOT ok! choking hazard for one thing! and bottles are not designed for feeding baby rice with, if you are going to give him baby rice, at least use a spoon!

What an excellent HV.

Not.

It never ceases to amaze me how judgemental some of you people are. Ignore the critical ones and do what you think is best for your child.

i dont actually believe that a hv told you it was ok to put the baby rice IN the bottle, i do think that some hv would have said it was ok to give baby rice, even tho they shouldnt do so, but not to put it IN the bottle.

Yes I'm changing my mind a bit after that last post. You sound positively triumphant - maybe if that's your general tone that's why your friends are similarly outspoken. Your baby will probably be fine but putting baby rice in a bottle recommended by a health visitor? I'd be more worried about obesity and choking that anything else.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Mumsnet has morphed into Nethuns! Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

But you're his mummy, you know your bubs, hun.

You don't put food in a cup why would you put it in a bottle!
Come on have some sence!

Good lord...

The HV said it was alright?

BTW, your baby is not that big...

Plus, one scoop of rice will probably do bugger all!

Science, people, and logic. This isnt Bounty fo fucks sake, have some self respect.

Anyone with an iq in double digits knows that rice in a bottle at twelve weeks is moronic.

I don't know if you're for real tbh. You haven't listened to a word people have said.

15lbs isn't big at all. DD was 26lbs when she had her first taste of solids.

If a baby is putting on weight well with milk alone, then surely they're thriving on it. Seems a bit topsy turvy to suggest they need more.

And if anybody reads this and is undecided or falls on any side of the weaning 'debate', take away one fact that we all agree on. Do not EVER put baby rice in a bottle.

Given that you've dismissed out of hand the reams of medical and scientific evidence that what you're choosing to do is extremely unwise, I'm not sure why you're so interested in canvassing the opinions of random internet strangers too.

If you haven't listened to medical opinion why would you care about ours?

I'm not saying don't wean at 12 weeks - as I think I posted earlier on, DS1 & DS2 were both weaned at that age and have suffered no ill effects - but then that was recommended back then (1997 & 2000). What I wouldn't do is put baby rice in a bottle though. Choking risk & just too, well, sludgy! Much better to use a little spoon.