AIBU to tell them to piss off?!

[BabyMama212]

I've got a beautiful 3-month-old son, he was 9lb 4 at birth and is now a rather hefty 14lb 1lb. Today I gave him his first taste of baby rice and he loved it.

The reasons why I gave him baby rice today are as follows:

• He started sleeping through the night at seven weeks, but now he wakes for a feed again.
• Halfway through his feed he tries to physically push his bottle away, then complains because he is still hungry
• He chews his hands before and after each feed
• He is absolutely fascinated with our food and drink
• He tries to pick up our food
• God help us if we sit down to a meal and he isn't there. He'll even wake up from a nap if he realizes we're eating without him.
• He refuses to nap during the daytime when before he would sleep for two hours at a time and then be awake for 4-5. And if he DOES nap, he'll sleep for maybe half-an-hour, then get grumpy because he is very tired.

The trouble is that obviously, this incited the wrath of several mums I know who went ballistic on me for weaning before the 17-week mark. I've said that it's my decision, all of the signs are there and they've been there long enough for me to know that this isn't just a growth-spurt but a real thing, but of course they won't listen. One even borderline-accused me of child abuse.

I've told them to butt out and stop being so judgeypants, as I didn't judge them on deciding to start their child on pureéd food at the age of eight months, but they've really upset me.

I realize that the guidelines are there for a reason... but guidelines and just that - GUIDELINES! Aren't they? I'm prepared for abuse from other people on here, but I just want to know.... AIBU?!

I never get involved in these weaning threads as I actually don't give a gnat's chuff what other people do with their babies.

But I'm impressed at all the first time mums who "know best". As a first time mum I was scared witless. I didn't have a clue. I loved my baby, but I can categorically say I didn't know best when it came to the physiology and anatomy of the infant alimentary system. In fact, I knew bugger all about babies, and accepted the guidelines with a teary gratitude. (I didn't even know what age their eyes were meant to open at, as I've said before on here ) I followed all the guidelines to the letter, pedantically. Because without them I had no idea what I should do!

Now, don't get me wrong, I am actually the kind of person who queries most of the government guidelines (eg 5-a-day, don't eat/ drink/ smoke this as it will give you cancer etc) I am happy to make decisions and be responsible for my own health if those decisions are bad, but at least if the guidelines prove to have been incorrect wrt my children's future health I can say that I based my decisions on the most up-to-date research at the time, and feel no guilt.

It reads like you think you've issued forth the biggest baby known the man, and that 15lb and what was it? 10oz? Is some kind of miraculous pinnacle in all things baby-weight-related.

DD was the same weight as yours at birth, and has stayed on the 98th centile since. I EBF and tried to wean around 6 months but her tongue-rust reflex was still too strong, so it was closer to 7 months before she started on solids. Way, way heavier than 15lb by then.

And for the love of God, if you're so keen to move the poor thing onto solids, at least feed them to him in a method befitting them, i.e. not in a bloody bottle. Bowl? Spoon?

Where do some of these HVs find their qualifications - going free in the bottom of a cereal packet?

With all due respect OP, you come across as exactly the sort of person who has even the most mild-mannered, mind-their-own-business type person itching to tell you where you're going wrong.

I've lost all sympathy now. To be honest, it was shaky with baby rice. Now, though - in a bottle?

If your HV really did say that (which I truly doubt) then a. she needs reporting as it's a bonkers dangerous practice and b. your sumggery is now getting irritating.

FWIW, I still don't have an issue with weaning from 4m onwards depending on the child as I stated up front, but you are not weaning. You are forcefeeding.

Foie gras anyone?

Force-feeding to sleep. Like those people you see with newborns and huge toddler size bottles and fast flow teats

What always baffled me is how some people think that giving birth somehow confers come magical qualification on women, and that being a mum means you know better than people who do proper science for a living. All those years I spent studying when I could have become even more qualified just by having a baby. Silly me!

I had both of my two in Europe. The baby rice and cereal available there (Hero, Hipp, Remedia) gave directions for adding it to a baby's bottle, from 8 weeks. Hipp baby food came in jars for babies from 9 weeks (though I think it is now 4 months, looking at the website). Wide range of herbal baby drinks (with lots of sugar) "from birth". It varies from country to country. Mine could not have survived on milk alone until 6 months and I weaned the first at 13 weeks, the second at 16. They seem fine, and healthy, and not overweight now.

I see things have taken a turn for the bonkers.

As for things being available for tiny babies in 'Europe', oh well that's alright then. What fools we are on this little island giving only milk when we could have been putting cereal in bottles from 8 weeks, giving jars (why tf??) from 9 weeks and sugary drinks before the first tooth has a chance of survival.

Yy lost sympathy, very tedious and predictable. You wanted to do it, you seem to want to be extremely ahem assertive about it but you know, go ahead, but I'm not going to validate you.

"Mine could not have survived on milk alone until 6 months"

I don't know what this means. Not singling you out MrsSchadenfreude but I hear it all the time. Milk is all they need for 6 months. It's the most calorie rich food they can have. It remains their main source of nutrition and calories until 12 months. Do people literally mean that they will cease to survive if they continue with milk feeds? Or is it a worry that they will stop gaining weight? Because I hear it said by mothers of so-called 'big' babies who are clearly gaining perfectly adequately on milk.

My sil said it when she weaned before 3 months. There was no way dn would 'survive' on milk alone. What she meant was that dn was asking for a night feed again. One single, solitary nightfeed at less than 3 months. And sil didn't want to get up. She was worrying it would spiral and the baby would want two feeds a night or feeding more than four hourly during the day.

I've also encountered a couple of people like the op who are 'triumphant' or gleeful in their early weaning decisions. Pictures on fb of tiny 3 month olds, prostrate on a bean bag having rice scooped off their chins and back into their mouths with a title of 'soooooo grown up' or 'sooooo advanced, couldn't wait'. I do NOT like this attitude. First tastes of solids in these situations are not a developmental milestone, they're a decision we make for the baby. And we owe it to them to make the decision based on their actual needs not perceived needs or a desire to push them along or get more sleep ourselves. Which is one of the reasons the research makes logical sense to me as well as scientific. If the true signs of gut maturation are sitting up, loss of tongue thrust reflex and an ability to pick up food and eat it themselves, it's the baby making the decision and reaching the milestone itself. Much less arbitrary. When this happens is dependent on the baby but I suspect it isn't happening at 12 weeks.

Maybe I'm just prej against baby rice because I can't see a reason why veg aged four-five-six months is such a bad thing. But I agree with SoH that parents shouldn't mentally devolve the decision making to the baby, which is what they effectively are doing. It's not the baby, it's you, and it should be done with thought and information not to prove a point.

You see it all the time though, not just weaning. It's one of the reasons I hate bumbos, forces tiny babies into an upright sitting position before their spines are ready. Shoes for babies that don't walk, next stage car seats when the child still fits the infant one etc. Parents always seem desperate to reach the next milestone, whether through boredom or over-excitement I don't know.

Happens more with the first baby maybe? You know the "that was his first word!" syndrome (at seven months when it was a small vomiting sound)

I agree with the first baby thing - you can't wait for them to roll but when they do you can't wait for them to sit. Then its crawling and walking but you buy those cruising shoes long before they're doing either!

I was a bit the same with dc2 but with the last two I've made a conscious decision to leave them as babies for as long as possible. Which is why ds1 wasn't weaned until gone 5m (when he was ready). Ds2 will be weaned around 4m. He IS a big boy and the paed said he would probably be ready anyway but we'll be doing it to try and help his reflux. But he won't be having rice! (I gave up on rice after dd1 - looks like goop)

I gave up on the cruising shoes after dd1 too

They've got the rest of their lives to be 'sooooo grown up'.

PFB syndrome. I'm on my second bash at parenting now. Only thing dc2 is gifted and talented at is pooing.

It's hard not to get caught up in the excitement of the next stage but part of the pleasure of each bit is how marvellous it is that they've got there in their own time. From a helpless newborn to walking, talking, curious little people in a heartbeat seemingly. Watching them do it is fascinating. There's a whole market dedicated to interfering with the natural. Buy Baby Einstein dvds, make your child brainy, buy this baby walker and watch them not- walk, quick spend money, move your baby on quickly, they're clever, prove it with this product. No. Stick it in a babygo and marvel at how bloody brilliant they are right now.

Oh buttonmoon, btw we chatted a few months ago about breech babies. I was incognito and you wondered who I was... um... here

Just in case it was keeping you awake at night. No? Never mind.

Hear hear.

DS is not terribly brilliant most of the time (as he's screeching with reflux pain) but when he's not he's just a delightful 3m baby. Which is all I want him to be.

But I bet he's better at pooing than your dc2 show

Well, if only ds would sleep now I could too!

How'd it go? DS turned during the night before his presentation scan, after I refused ECV. Of course So he was induced at 38+1, long labour, tried to go OP at one point but I had an epidural and all was well. They said they normally let them wear off to push but as I'd done it before (once or twice!) they'd let me try to push before they let it wear off. That was all the encouragement I needed

I've not been quite so lovely this week. Hand my fingers burned just slightly. Left a thread and am now sitting on my hands to stop myself going back to defend myself from the wilful misinterpretation of what I said and what was said about me. I'm a bit sore about it - can you tell?

Birth announcement here but don't feel you have to wade through it. Briefly (ha), he did turn to ceph but got himself into the same ridiculous OT position that dd was in, had premature rupture of membranes at 37 weeks, 38hrs of labour with no dilation, not even remotely effaced, position confirmed as bloody ridiculous, had an emcs where they confirmed my pelvis is wonky.

Pushing with an epidural is weird. Well done you. I had a spinal block with dd when they attempted the ventouse and they kept shouting 'puuuuush'. And apparently I was doing it 'right' but I'm beggared if I had a clue what I was doing. V odd.

Shall I come and defend you? I have a truncheon. Well it's dh's truncheon and they're not called truncheons anymore, they're extendable batons () but I'll come and duff somebody up for you if you want. In a pacifistic, hippy type way of course.

Ahh, that's very gracious. But you might not agree with me anyway! And I can't bear it if another person tells me how wrong/ridiculous/unreasonable I am for not wanting to be made to feel bad about having to ff. I'm still hormonal and puddled with guilt dammit!

Out of interest (before we get chucked off this thread for derailing!) why did you name change for that? There were hardly fetish confessions or owt!

Oh, now you've made me cry! I am in awe of you being so self-aware 2 days after giving birth. At that stage I could barely do more than grunt like lizard boy!

You sound much more together about your birth trauma than I am about what's happened since. I take my hat off to you.

I will be tracking down that thread and defending you. You sound sad. Being postnatal and down is a cruel and unfair combination. Guilt is the default setting after having a baby and rarely is it justified. Will stalk you in a sec and duff 'em all up.

I namechanged because I use MN for light relief and I just didn't want to talk about something which was already consuming so much head space iyswim. I wanted to be free to talk about bumsex and apple pie recipes. Virtual compartmentalising if you will.

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 14-Oct-11 08:02:02
I had both of my two in Europe. The baby rice and cereal available there (Hero, Hipp, Remedia) gave directions for adding it to a baby's bottle, from 8 weeks. Hipp baby food came in jars for babies from 9 weeks (though I think it is now 4 months, looking at the website).

Thanks, DS was raised abroad too and had cereal/milk drinks. I didn't dare post that before now incase someone shoved a flame-thrower up my arse. DS had Hero baby formula but it gave him bad colic so we switched. Rice also gave him colic but the cereal-milk actually seemed to prevent it. He had that from around 14/15 weeks with an icecube amount of apple puree (also hero baby) which said from 3 months IIRC.

Tell them to fuck off not piss off.

My friend has a baby the same age, she was told by her doctor she had a hungry baby and he was ready this was two weeks ago.

He had just turned 13 weeks old.

He has rice for breakfast and a very crushed up farleys rusk in his last bottle at 4pm.

Surely you need to speak to a professional who knows your baby?

We weaned ds4 ahed 15 weeks on teh advcie of a Consuloatant Paeditrician as he was failing to thrive. I wouldn;t have made that decision myself though without tlaking to someon highly qualified, despite having weaned 3 times previously.