...to be annoyed at my gran's choice of words?

[feralgirl]

She told me that I am "lucky to have a husband like DH"; i.e. one who pulls his weight wrt to childcare and housework (I work FT; he works PT and looks after the kids - his choice). It's not the sentiment that I take issue with, it's the notion that it's only down to something as arbitrary as luck that a man might do 50% of the 'work'.

It's a trivial point made by someone of a different generation and I'm being pedantic about the choice of words but it did make me wonder whether I take DH for granted.

I think your overthinking it tbh

Poor gran eyeroll

Really? Really? Get over it and stop being so bloody earnest! She's from a different generation and that's how they speak.

do you think you are lucky to have him?

'It's a trivial point made by someone of a different generation and I'm being pedantic about the choice of words'

Yes

'but it did make me wonder whether I take DH for granted.'

No

My mum comes out with some good ones without meaning it. She's probably the same vintage as your gran. Ignore.

I should think you're maybe feeling resentful towards your DH for something and that's why the comment annoyed you. Don't you feel lucky? You say it was "his choice"

would you prefer to be the part time one?

Well, actually, from the sound of things, I agree with her.
My Nan says this H, and he does less than half the housework. But d'you know what? She's right. I am lucky to have a kind and gentle and funny man.

"It's not luck gran, I just chose very carefully"

I don't know obviously but i'm guessing she's more envious of your generation than of you - and it came out wrong. There's no point in denying the fact that few of our dads ironed and cooked let alone our grandads...(cue the hundreds saying their dads did - but i mean in general)

No, I love my job so I def don't feel resentful; our division of labour suits me too.

I know I'm overthinking it but it was also the fact that my mum agreed with her; both of them have very modern views about other stuff and so it's really an academic point about what we expect of men that I was trying to make.

YABU because you are lucky. You've only to spend a few minutes reading handwringing MN threads from people who've been really unlucky in their choice of partner to see that there's nothing inevitable about men being decent.

If she'd said ' I'm so pleased you don't have the same struggle that women used to have' maybe that would have sounded better? And then you could have said No, we've got a whole load of new struggles!

my mum told me that the reason DH had come down with tonsilitis was he must be run down from 'helping' at home! So your granny's comment is nothing! But we are both lucky to have nice DHs, there are enough horrible ones around.

My DH has always done at least his 'fair share' of housework/looking after children/cooking etc. What that 'fair share' may be changes according to circumstances, for example, when I was a SAHM, I did most of the h/w and cooking since I was at home and able to do it. Prior to children and now they are grown up, we both work similar hours and therefore household chores are shared roughly 50/50. Sometimes he does a bit less, often sometimes a bit more. But when I look around at friends and colleagues, I do feel very lucky to have my DH, because I really don't know many who do as much as he does. especially as he does all the jobs I hate

YABVU.. reading these boards alone should be enough to see that a man who willingly does 50% of chores and child rearing duties is a rarity..

You are lucky..

Cogito, that's kind of my point. Surely it's not down to luck that DH does his bit, he just does what anyone (regardless of whether they're male or female) should do. It's only because he happens to be male that it's worth remarking on.

Maybe I am a bit resentful of the fact that no one thinks he's lucky to have a wife like me

(apart from him that is).

It is down to luck. I know we're all meant to be thoroughly equal, decent people that are happy to share household chores 50/50 without quibbling but the sad truth is that there are still a disproportionate amount of men hitting adulthood unable to thread a metaphorical needle because they have been spoilt rotten and picked up after their whole lives. In pure statistical terms... picking a bloke a random... I'd say you only have about a 1 in 4 chance of them not being a chauvinistic nob. Possibly smaller.

I'm sure his granny tells him how lucky he is to have you... :)

When I was splitting with my dd's dad, my gran told me that I should stick with him because 'at least he didn't hit me'. FFS.

They're just a different generation, you just have to ignore it.

He is indeed a lucky man feralgirl

My Granny is the same.

She thinks my DH should be in line for a Nobel prize just because he makes the odd cup of tea.

If I told her that he makes his own packed lunch most days (and the dc's ), she would freak!

What squeakytoy said.

We all know that's what a DH should be like but to find one who IS a true "partner"unfortunately is rare.

Enjoy him & don't take him for granted!!

My Nan says exactly the same. But then he's the first male she's ever come across who would so much as change a nappy. In their generation, men basically didn't...

See the whole "different era" thing, I'm not sure I buy that with my gran. She's very modern in her attitudes and would never for example make comments about racial stereotypes that were 'normal' when she was young.