...to be annoyed at my gran's choice of words?

[feralgirl]

She told me that I am "lucky to have a husband like DH"; i.e. one who pulls his weight wrt to childcare and housework (I work FT; he works PT and looks after the kids - his choice). It's not the sentiment that I take issue with, it's the notion that it's only down to something as arbitrary as luck that a man might do 50% of the 'work'.

It's a trivial point made by someone of a different generation and I'm being pedantic about the choice of words but it did make me wonder whether I take DH for granted.

[feralgirl]

Cogito, your "nob" stat is an interesting idea; I wonder how the percentages will change with the boys that we are raising today?!

Thanks pentagram

[Dirtydishesmakemesad]

YANBU but she probably just has different expectations, my grandmother is alwasy saying things like that i just roll eyes.

[AuntiePickleBottom]

yabu, you are lucky to have him in your life.

i have to nag my husband to do housework with me or cook dinner, however i don't feel 'unlucky' having him as a partner as he is fantastic in every other way

[Chandon]

poor Gran.

move over and move on. She meant it in a NICE way, obviously, so it was a nice thing to say.

Don't look for criticism where there isn't any.

[eurochick]

I can imagine my gran saying the same. And you are, based on her 1950s experience of bringing up kids.

I bet no one says to the husbands of working women, "you're lucky to have someone who brings in a wage". Which is the equivalent difference.

[lesley33]

feralgirl - I know exactly what you mean. He is just doing what he should be doing.

But some older people can have much lower expectations for marriage than now and so they can genuinely think you are lucky for things that I just think are acceptable behaviour. For example, my gran in her 90's thinks my mum is lucky because her DH has never hit her or gone out drinking the "housekeeping" money. And when she sees him do anything domestic at all, she thinks he is a saint. This is in spite of the fact that my GF - as far as I know - never hit her or went out drinking.

[lesley33]

feralgirl - She might have modern attitudes with lots of things,but her expectations of marriage may not have moved on. Either that or she has seen so many women have terrible DH's that in comparison she genuinely thinks you are lucky to have a decent one.

Next time just smile and say yes you are right, and he is lucky to have me as well.

[gallicgirl]

I have a friend who did CBT and she made the point that when something bad happens to a woman, we think we deserve it and when something good happens, it's because we're lucky but it's the opposite for men.

It's just ingrained use of language and attitudes and it will change. It made me think about what language I use too. I'm awful for asking DP to "do something for me" when in reality he's washing-up, bathing baby etc "for us".