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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not breastfeed my friend's baby?

126 replies

mummyandpig · 10/10/2011 15:30

I know I'm not BU not to do it if I don't feel comfortable with it, but I don't know if I'm BU for not being comfortable with it. IYSWIM!

We are looking after a friend's DD (8 months) for a couple of nights at the end of the week. Friend's DD is BF, as is my 7 month DS. Friend brought DD round yesterday to discuss arrangements and when I mentioned bottles she got confused and asked if I wouldn't be BFing her DD. She has never mentioned this before and when I have previously looked after her DD she hasn't expressed any wishes for me to feed her DD. I've only looked after her for a couple of hours before, when she had some lunch with my DS and some water from a cup.

Friend is now being a bit sulky and says she doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to feed her DD. I don't know really, I just don't want to. I wouldn't want my friend to feed my DS. I have offered to give friend's DD my expressed milk that is in the freezer, in a bottle or cup but she said that defeats the point. She wants to know that if her DD was very upset that she would be comforted by me BFing her. I don't even know if it would work like that, surely she would only be comforted by her own mum Bfing. I don't know.

I'm confused really, I don't know if I am being unreasonable and prudish or not. She has also told me to feed her DD meat which is annoying as we don't eat meat and means I will have to buy things that will go to waste....

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 10/10/2011 15:31

YANBU if you don't want to you don't have to - just tell her your not going to

threeisthemagicnumber · 10/10/2011 15:33

YA so NBU.

I breafed all of my DCs but I would never have wanted anyone else to bf them or to bf anyone else.

If she wants her baby to be fed breastmilk or meat - she should provide it IMO.

yippeekaiyay · 10/10/2011 15:33

your friend sounds nuts. Sorry, but why would she want you bfing her daughter, and why can she not go one day on a meat free diet?

FetchezLaVache · 10/10/2011 15:33

She sounds mental! If you're not comfortable BFing her DD, don't do it, simple as that. If you don't eat meat and aren't comfortable handling it, her DD doesn't get meat while at your house, and even if you are, she needs to send some with her ready cooked, rather than put you to the inconvenience of buying and preparing the tiny quantities of meat an 8mo child is able to eat in a couple of days. YADNBU.

porcamiseria · 10/10/2011 15:34

is this for real??

she want you to BF her baby? and feed meat whilst you are a vege???

I cannot take this post seriously and I cannot beleive anyone would actually exopect their friend to BF their kids

"She wants to know that if her DD was very upset that she would be comforted by me BFing her.

a wind up, shurely.......................

prioneyes · 10/10/2011 15:34

Um, the unreasonable thing here is that your friend hasn't discussed this properly with you, or even asked you. Whether you want to do it or not is irrelevant - her expectation is unreasonable. The meat thing - well, not eating meat for 48 hours won't harm her baby, for all an 8 month old eats anyway.

KatAndKit · 10/10/2011 15:34

I think it is a bit weird that she expects you to personally. I'm sure some people would see it as perfectly ok, but I can certainly understand you being uncomfortable about it so if you don't want to do it, don't. Same with feeding meat. You don't need to, she will survive a couple of days without meat and I'm sure if you are vegetarians you have healthy alternatives to feed her.

VFVF · 10/10/2011 15:35

YANBU, I would never want a friend of mine breastfeeding my child, no matter how nice they are! Does the friends DD accept bottles? Feel sorry for her if she doesn't and is all of a sudden expected to, but that's not your problem and the mother should have prepared her.

loveglove · 10/10/2011 15:36
pozzled · 10/10/2011 15:36

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. If it were an emergency e.g. mother taken ill and baby won't take a bottle, then I would do it straight away. But not for something pre-arranged- my feeling is that if a bf baby won't happily take a cup or bottle then you shouldn't really be leaving him/her.

mumsamilitant · 10/10/2011 15:36

Ew Yuck! Friend's have asked me to do some ridiculous things in my time but blimey she's not right in the head.

tigermoll · 10/10/2011 15:36

Your friend is being way U.

Assuming you would bf her child? Gross.

TandB · 10/10/2011 15:37

I don't personally see anything wrong in principle with someone BFing another baby - but equally I can understand perfectly why someone would not be comfortable with it. It is a very personal thing.

Your friend has absolutely no right to insist that you feed her child from your body as well as feeding your own child. Nor does she have any right to insist that you provide a special, unnecessary diet for her child - meat isn't a need, it is an option.

You are doing her a big favour, having her young baby overnight for more than one night - if she isn't content with perfectly normal, acceptable arrangements then she should be looking elsewhere. Although I suspect she will be hard-pressed to find anyone who is prepared to BF while babysitting. If it is that important to her that her child is able to BF then perhaps she shouldn't be leaving her.

Original poster
mummyandpig · 10/10/2011 15:37

I am a regular poster!
She told me that her SIL has occasionally BF her DD while she has looked after her and although she found it strange at 1st she is glad as it keeps her DD happy. She said she thought I was "open minded" enough to be OK with it.

OP posts:
YankNCock · 10/10/2011 15:37

It seems an awfully big thing to spring on you like this. As you say, there is no guarantee her baby would even be comforted by someone other than her mother in this way. I personally wouldn't have a problem with feeding someone else's baby provided they were happy for me to do so, but I'd never EXPECT someone to do this for DS. Why can't she express her own milk for you to give to her DD?

And how much meat would a 7 month old even eat? I seem to remember DS having barely any solid food at the age, he was still just playing around with rice cakes and fruit!

Hullygully · 10/10/2011 15:38

wot kungfu said

FetchezLaVache · 10/10/2011 15:39

Tigermoll, I think gross is a bit reactionary strong. It comes down to whether the OP is prepared to do it, surely?

KarlaFromMoscowCentre · 10/10/2011 15:39

BFing is way too personal a thing to share - it's a bond with your own child. Your friend might be fine and dandy about it, but if you're not then you're not - I certainly wouldn't be.

AMumInScotland · 10/10/2011 15:39

YANBU. And your friend is being odd for suddenly assuming this - surely you haven't ever breastfed her baby, or suggested doing it?

At 8 months she can drink out of a bottle or cup. And she can eat non-meat meals for a day or two - its not going to harm her any to not get meat for a few meals!

zimm · 10/10/2011 15:39

Bizarre...is this for real?

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 10/10/2011 15:40

YANBU

Your friend is BVU, both about the breastfeeding and the meat.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 10/10/2011 15:40

Have you by any chcnace had a hypothetical conversation with your friend about this? I agree it's extremely odd of her to EXPECT that you would do this

LydiaWickham · 10/10/2011 15:41

wow - she's the odd one, it's not normal at all.

GetOrfMo1Land · 10/10/2011 15:41

"I don't personally see anything wrong in principle with someone BFing another baby - but equally I can understand perfectly why someone would not be comfortable with it. It is a very personal thing."

Exactly what Kungfu said. I certainly don't think it is gross - if you have two freinds who are happy to Bf each other's chilren, that is fine, more than fine. It is just the assumption that the OP will, and disregarding her feelings on the matter which are wrong here.

Bugsy2 · 10/10/2011 15:41

Tell her to take a hike! You are doing her a massive favour looking after her baby. Does she really think you are going to have enough milk all of a sudden to feed two seven month olds! Not to mention the whole slightly weird bf someone elses's kid thing. If you are not up for it (which I wouldn't be), don't let her make you feel bad. She wants the favour not you.

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