to be a bit fed up of 'natural' parenting?

[TeapotsInJune]

Hi

Before I start, can I just explain I am 100% behind anybody's choice to make decisions that suit them and their lifestyle and (unless those decisions are actually harmful) really am not too bothered what they are.

I had my first baby in June and joined a couple of parenting and pregnancy boards in anticipation of this. It's entirely possible that I've just been looking in the wrong places but lately I've been getting a bit grumpy by the implications that I'm doing things wrong with DD.

I am currently breastfeeding which is fine - it has been easier than I anticipated - but I don't want to babywear. I'm certainly not bothered if anyone else does but the one time I allowed DD to be wrapped in a sling by somebody she was soaked with sweat and she cried miserably. She just appears to prefer her pram. I also don't want to co-sleep and I don't want to do BLW either.

Please tell me there are other mums out there who will give their DCs pureed mush, put them in their cots and their prams.

I'm tired of feeling like a pairiah! :(

I use a sling and a pram. Because sometimes my DD likes being in the sling and sometimes she likes being in the pram. Hardly a 'parenting choice'.

Christ, I wonder if my grandmother sat around judging how other mothers in the street chose to raise their children. Or did she simply get on with raising her own?!

Those criticising choices of other mums in internet forums have too much time on their hands. Do what is best for you and your baby OP, and pity the judgey pants. They must feel pretty insecure in their own choices to be commenting on yours.

I've had more accidents with my pram than with my sling. I've not fallen with the sling on ever, but my parm has fallen a few times, when it's been overloaded on the front (it's a rear facing one), or me trying to weild the double buggy on kerbs.

NinkyNonker - I'm sure I've read in a book somewhere (to do with human evolution or something), that "natural spacing" indeed is about 4yrs or so. I think human babies are meant to be breastfed far more frequently (as less solid food would have been available)than we do in modern society and the mother wouldn't have ovulated while BF so much and the time that the child is ready for another sibling to share it's mother, is about the time the child self weans, which usually happens around 4.i.e self weaning of a child is the indication that he/she is ready to share it's mother.

I think most people just take bits of parenting technique which suits them and adapt it to their own lifestyle, or is that a rather simplistic way of looking at it.

I never used a sling (tried one, backache) but dd was pretty much glued to me anyway. I did use a pram yes but it was useful and to be honest I didn't see why i wouldn't. I co slept from birth and dd went into her own bed with no problems when she was a toddler. i breastfed until I went back to work (3 months).

I don't see the point in judging others mothering choices, however I think all teh internet forums would not function without it.

it is so consuming though when you have a young baby, you are so upset if you are doing anything wrong (I never told a soul about the co sleeping as I thought they would castigate my choice). It is only with the benefit of hindsight that I realise I was worrying about bugger all.

It's always the evangelicals who are the most vocal about their parenting choices and spout 'peer reviewed research' about whatever they're fanatical about.

FWIW my parenting style is mix and match and has been a real variety of things with both kids. Also known as 'do whatever' . I don't always get it right. I have BFed and formula fed, carried in sling and used buggy, co-slept and used a cot, done finger food and puree, homemade and shop-bought food, reusable nappies and disposables, routine and no routine, weaned early, not weaned early, used a dummy, not used a dummy... you get the picture.

As long as what you're doing works for you and your children and you don't feel stressed about it or bore anyone else to tears with your methods and/or worries then you can watch the fanatics from afar and find the whole thing very amusing.

In regards to 'natural spacing'- hunter gatherer tribes would indeed have spacing between the children as it would have been too wearing for a mother to carry more than one immobile child. However, most mothers would have been less well nourished and it would have been easier for them to suppress ovualtion through breast feeding.
And now we have cars and buggies- does it really matter what's NATURAL for a society none of us live in????

All this judgement is quite hard work, although as a relatively new mum (DS is 5 months) I have to say that I think most of the judgement I experience comes from myself. I'm never sure if I'm doing things 'right' although DS seems fairly happy, although I could do with him getting more sleep.

OP I do think though that when looking for BF help the solutions given often tend towards the chi-sleep/ sling variety (although I've yet to work out how anyone could BF in a sling whilst wearing a top). I actually cried the first night I managed to get DS to sleep in a cot as 'the womanly art of breastfeeding' basically describes not co-sleeping as cruelty. I really really hate co-sleeping though and DS hated being in a sling until he had enough neck strength to have a good old nose about. Now I just use it for times when it's easier than the pram and I don't need to carry shopping.

Oh I fully understand the theory behind natural spacing r.e. evolution, I was more shocked at the leap to assuming I was selfish, and her somewhat contradictory reasoning. I mean, dd has weaned herself down to 2 feeds a day because that is what she needs.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck just wanted to clear up as i wasn't clear before my friend already knew i said i would never use one because of incident she used one and was fine. What i seen was a freak accident but after seeing it with my own eyes it made me completely paranoid even tho i've never heard of it happening again i guess it's like anything bad you see you know it's unlikely to happen but can have a lasting effect.

My point is people always try to force there ideas about how to parent on you even when they know your feelings on the subject and you just have to tell them to bugger off

Where do you lot find these people?

I've never met anyone in real life who is evangelical or judgemental about parenting methods. I think you all need to find new friends.

I think we need to swap lives! I was considered really odd in my postnatal group for using a sling, co sleeping, blw (I'd not heard of "natural parenting" or joined any bandwagon at that stage was just doing survival parenting!) and ended up leaving the group.

I've since moved and although I've seen one or two slings I've not seen many, I'm pretty sure I will be an oddity this time around as well but I'm more secure in my choices. Wouldn't ever push them on someone else though. (Might suggest co-sleeping to a bf mother who was struggling with sleep but only as an idea, not as something she "ought" to do!)

I can't imagine being somewhere where what I'm doing is the norm!!! I'd love it!

I couldn't use a sling because DS would have overheated and it would have done my back in. I bought a baby carrier purely so I could get my tax return done (DS was 7w when it had to be in, yes I know I should have been more organised) and it nearly did for my back just for those few days! DH wore it whenever we went out but it was too hot for DS for long periods of time.

I did bf, I did co-sleep but I don't think I really did BLW - I mean, I might have but I didn't know that's what it was called or anything, I just bunged bits of stuff on his highchair tray to see if he would eat them; but also did purées and spoonfeeding as well. TBH, I think of "natural" parenting as "doing what comes naturally to you as a parent" - and we all take bits of what we like from the various different "schools" of parenting.

I admit though that I don't get the whole 'rod for own back' sentiment. Take us for example: dd vehemently hated her cot or anywhere that wasn't next to us which is understandable. To force her into it would have taken weeks of tears. However the rod argument seems to be that if you do these things you then have to get them out of the habit again, involving tears. So what is the difference if both ways involve tears at some point? Surely later is better when the baby is better able to cope with and understand the disruption and upset? It was by the by for us as dd went into her cot happily at 10 months having got fed up with us and enjoys the odd trip in the pushchair.

Ninkynonker - I wish my DD would self wean to 2 feeds a day!! She is 14 months, but still BF a few times at night. You are not at all selfish! Wow, pregnant and breastfeeding a baby, that is amazing in itself.

I've had a few anti-sling comments when DD was younger. One lady said that I was restricting her development by carrying her all the time. Another time a lady, who was actually in the leath care profession said that she knew somebody who's child died in a sling . She tried to retract it by saying maybe it was a different kind of sling etc..but I gave her an earful anyway...was having a bad day myself juggling the LOs.

I posted recently about being irritated with parenting "styles" and the list of things that people tell you that you "ought" to be doing if you do any one thing that seems to fit in with a particular parenting style, natural parenting being one of them.

I don't understand why people need others to do things the same way as them - I am more than happy to sing the praises of slings whenever someone moans about the difficulties of getting around with a pram, but I don't care if someone doesn't take the advice - it doesn't affect me. Is it about validation? The more people who do a particular thing, the more sure someone is that it is right? I suppose that might work the other way as well - everyone who does things differently to someone else lends weight to any doubts that someone else may have that they are doing things right.

I would just get on with what works for you and ignore those who want to convert you to their way of thinking. But if you really aren't into slings/cloth nappies/co-sleeping etc then really, Natural Mamas is not the forum for you - that is what it is all about and you will be going some to find anyone on there that doesn't subscribe to at least some of the attachment parenting type theories. I use Natural Mamas as it has some aspects that I like, but I do find it a bit extreme sometimes. There are a few other forums, or sub-sections of larger forums, that have a very similar ethos to Natural Mamas - those probably aren't going to be what you want either.

It is fairly rare to find evangelical attachment parenting zealots on MN or on some of the other more mainstream forums - probably better to stick to those and avoid the natural parenting type ones that annoy you.

She does have the odd feed at other times if feeling poorly or over tired bless her, she has an awful cough at the mo so I suspect the next few nights may not be much fun!