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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit fed up of 'natural' parenting?

141 replies

TeapotsInJune · 09/10/2011 19:19

Before I start, can I just explain I am 100% behind anybody's choice to make decisions that suit them and their lifestyle and (unless those decisions are actually harmful) really am not too bothered what they are.

I had my first baby in June and joined a couple of parenting and pregnancy boards in anticipation of this. It's entirely possible that I've just been looking in the wrong places but lately I've been getting a bit grumpy by the implications that I'm doing things wrong with DD.

I am currently breastfeeding which is fine - it has been easier than I anticipated - but I don't want to babywear. I'm certainly not bothered if anyone else does but the one time I allowed DD to be wrapped in a sling by somebody she was soaked with sweat and she cried miserably. She just appears to prefer her pram. I also don't want to co-sleep and I don't want to do BLW either.

Please tell me there are other mums out there who will give their DCs pureed mush, put them in their cots and their prams.

I'm tired of feeling like a pairiah! :(

OP posts:

duvetdayplease · 09/10/2011 19:52

As someone from the babywearing and all other general hippyness camp I felt the same as you about being a pariah. I think whatever you choose as a mum, there's always plenty of doom-sayers out there to tell you you're doing it all wrong.

I have no idea if I will have f*cked up my kids. All I can say is I did it this way, my kids seem nice at the mo. My sister did it almost 100% the opposite and her kids are also really nice at the mo.

Enjoy your kids and just smile sweetly when anyone tells you waht to do. Then ignore them.

blackoutthesun · 09/10/2011 19:53

don't worry whatever you do you'll be in the wrong

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/10/2011 19:54

I think a lot of 'babywearers' can actually be evangelical to the point where they actually put you off. The term itself is riduculous, your baby isn't a jumper fgs. But I adored my slings. I actually knew a woman who wouldn't speak to anyone new at babygroup who used a pram as they clearly weren't her type of person . I left her to her idiotic ways and just got on with it. A lot of people bf and cosleep and just don't crow about it btw. I bet you'd be surprised if people were really honest about it.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:54

Just do what you are happy with. There must be many a baby who is 'worn' who would love to say 'can you just put me down in my own space please'!
They are all fashions. Ignore BLW-the mother decides exactly when and what they will eat! The mother has her own agenda in all these things and is out to prove she is 'best'. She is merely 'best for her' and hopefully has a baby to match.

NinkyNonker · 09/10/2011 19:55

I only know of one site where 'babywearers' etc are the norm...and that is a natural parenting/babywearing forum. Just look at the derision this sort of thing tends to get here, which tends to be a sensible mix.

I've never classed myself as a babywearer as I am not full on but I use a wrap more than a pushchair with 14 mo old dd (actually more accidents annually involving buggies than slings BTW) and I am affectionately (I hope!) seen as the local hippie/weirdo. I just find them easier and without going ott learning how to wrap properly did kind of change my life. I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.

EricNorthmansMistress · 09/10/2011 19:55

If you seek out forums/circles where most of the parents take things far too seriously espouse 'philosophies' like 'babywearing' and what not - you are bound to feel inadequate if you don't toe the line. Try hanging out (online and in RL) with normal people who don't give a toss where your baby sleeps as long as it's not the bottom drawer - and you will feel a lot better about your choices. MN is a good place to start (mostly)

coastgirl · 09/10/2011 19:58

I'm always genuinely surprised that people see a pram as a great inconvenience - at 8 weeks, ds has been in a car about four times, the rest of the time I walk everywhere, literally miles a day, and do my shopping on foot as it's the best way of getting out of the house. How on earth a device that lets me walk long distances with ease, lets ds sleep soundly and comfortably and lets me transport lots of heavy shopping easily could be seen as an inconvenience, I honestly don't know! I have a sling, it's useful for getting things done around the house but I have no desire to lug baby+bags of shopping outside. A view shared by 95% of parents, not that you'd know it online.

pictish · 09/10/2011 19:58

What the heck is babywearing??

ladyintheradiator · 09/10/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 09/10/2011 20:00

Ninky I bet we are on the same forum. Do you have the same online name?

I agree Mumsnet seems mostly sensible

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 09/10/2011 20:00

So are you basically going to forums for natural/attachment parenting and babywearing etc and then feeling like the minority because it's not your thing?

Sorry, but that strikes me as slightly weird!

You must have had to seek out sites for people with minority interests just so you can feel like a "pariah"

IHaveYourToaster · 09/10/2011 20:00

You'll find more people espousing alternative options like co-sleeping, BLW etc etc online because it is not the norm in RL. So we come online to find other weirdos and a bit of sanctuary from the funny looks we get in RL

It is not a criticism of anyone else's way nor a directive to be the same.

When the DC grow up they will not care how they were fed, carried, born or what they pissed/shat in. Anyone who gets upset or angsty about someone else's parenting choice needs to get a bit busier IMHO.

NinkyNonker · 09/10/2011 20:02

I found that as dd got older she wouldn't sleep in the buggy you see Coastgirl, but she will fall asleep in minutes in a wrap. I also walk everywhere, and found a pushchair (I have an old Bugaboo, sorry Lady!) a real pain getting into shops, round the supermarket (how do you push a trolly at the same time?), going out for lunch, days out etc. I would use a pull trolley if I was doing a big shop, a proper old lady shopper!

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 09/10/2011 20:02

Hi lady - DD is three and a half months :)

OP posts:

pictish · 09/10/2011 20:03

Babywearing is using a sling is it?

I find slings ghastly. Heavy, cumbersome and annoying.

To each their own though.

NinkyNonker · 09/10/2011 20:04

I do! Find me, I'm normal! I tend to buy/sell there really, but I have met some lovely people too. But I don't really fit in there despite meeting all the 'criteria'. I haven't been on there in a while though I admit.

TheBloodCountessBathory · 09/10/2011 20:04

I never meet these babywearing, co-sleeping, blw-ing obsessed people in real life, only hear about them on Mumsnet (clearly moving in the wrong circles!)

You will find your own parenting style and do what works for you, and you might find yourself doing things that you didn't expect too!

For example, I was really keen to try blw-ing, but I ended up spooning in mush most of the time with finger food on the side. I had a pram . . . but if I have another baby, I'm definitely buying a sling. I hadn't even heard of co-sleeping but I guess that's what I've ended up doing and we love it! (sitting up in the night breast feeding, then trying to put baby back in cot is like medieval torture IMO)

Enjoy OP - it's all good fun!

fatlazymummy · 09/10/2011 20:05

I never did any of these things either. I have only ever once seen a baby in a sling, and that was outside. I have never heard of anyone using a sling indoors. I have also only seen one Mum breastfeeding in public [that I have noticed obviously], the breastfeeding Mums I know go to baby rooms to breastfeed.
I didn't do baby lead weaning either, in fact I didn't do anything baby lead.
I am an older Mum, but in fact would do things exactly the same again if I had another baby as everything worked so well.
I actually found a lot of things really strange when I logged onto Mumsnet at 1st, as I haven't come across a lot of these things in real life.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 09/10/2011 20:05

Rita, no I haven't been doing that really. I did join a natural mamas site (sorry if I shouldn't name them) for help with breastfeeding but then there were two other 'normal' forums where it just seems to be a trend?

OP posts:

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 09/10/2011 20:06

Ninky I will PM you my name! :)

OP posts:

LetTheSlaughterBeGincognito · 09/10/2011 20:10

Eh, there's only about ten of us in the entire country so we gather on the web for moral support. In rl life we are definitely the odd ones out.

Me, I look very middle of the road, very straight job and a dull wardrobe, so it really makes people blink when I say that I intend to bf until two, at least, or that ds sleeps with us. I only mention it when asked, though, as I am aware that most people make different choices and am completely respectful of that.

There is no one right way.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 09/10/2011 20:12

Whatever works for you op.

I do all the "natural" parenting thing because that's what works for me but it's mixed with other methods too.

Ds2 is 13months old. He's BF to sleep because that's what gets him to sleep the quickest so I can get back to my toddler ds1. I carry him in a sling on my back a lot as he likes to be close to me all the time (not necessarily a good thing at the moment) and this let's me get on with cleaning or playing with ds1 but when we're out and about he goes in the pram. We co-sleep because he still wakes in the night for 5 1/2 feeds but he's in his cot the first part o the night. We did BLW because it meant I could sit at the table with both son's and have a hot meal and chat with ds1. We use cloth nappies because disposables are too damn expensive although we do use disposables on holidays.

So a bit of everything. It works for me and your way works for you. Just Ignore everyone else.

LetTheSlaughterBeGincognito · 09/10/2011 20:13

And coast girl, not all babies sleep in prams. Some prefer to scream blue murder until they are carried.

I have pram and a sling, they're both great.

Thatawkwardmoment · 09/10/2011 20:18

I didn't "wear" DS - didn't know what BLW and never even thought about co-sleeping. However, he's always been warm, dry, fed and loved and IMO it doesn't matter how either are carried out

He's 18 months old now and doesn't appear to have been affected by my basic child raising skills just wish the little bugger would sleep

howtocalmachild · 09/10/2011 20:29

You will find millions of different ways to parent. I personally feel that mine will end up in therapy because I've done something to damage them along the way!!! That's because I didn't co-sleep. In fact I think all three of mine ended up moving into massive cot in easily by 8 weeks, I had 3 c-sections, I gave purees before 6 months for two of them (stupidly held off with number 3 and that ran me into the ground as he was bloody massive and needed solids), they were off breast milk by 13months and didn't have cows milk and eating a good lots of solids, they self soothed on their own, I used a pram, I used time out blah blah blah. Hope this helps you feel better :) Thank goodness these folk that are brilliant and into their natural parenting can produce some good citizens because my lot are doomed.........

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