to be a bit fed up of 'natural' parenting?

[TeapotsInJune]

Hi

Before I start, can I just explain I am 100% behind anybody's choice to make decisions that suit them and their lifestyle and (unless those decisions are actually harmful) really am not too bothered what they are.

I had my first baby in June and joined a couple of parenting and pregnancy boards in anticipation of this. It's entirely possible that I've just been looking in the wrong places but lately I've been getting a bit grumpy by the implications that I'm doing things wrong with DD.

I am currently breastfeeding which is fine - it has been easier than I anticipated - but I don't want to babywear. I'm certainly not bothered if anyone else does but the one time I allowed DD to be wrapped in a sling by somebody she was soaked with sweat and she cried miserably. She just appears to prefer her pram. I also don't want to co-sleep and I don't want to do BLW either.

Please tell me there are other mums out there who will give their DCs pureed mush, put them in their cots and their prams.

I'm tired of feeling like a pairiah! :(

YY OP! Completely agree. I hate each and every one of the new 'conventions' and the 'babywearing' one with a passion. For me, the time for 'babywearing' is when you're actually pregnant with that baby. When it's born it becomes a person not the equivalent of a dog in a handbag.

oh, and to the OP
No- you are not being unreasonable. It is frustrating to have anyone elses opinions shoved down your throat., Being told you are doing things wrong is horrible.

Some think I am too natural, some think I am not natural enough but my daughter is happy... I am happy. I am happy enough for people to do it differently, the right way is what works for the whole family.

There are many ways to do things, and all babies, mums and dads are different. If your baby laughs, smiles and eats- it is all good

I have always worked on the basis of what works for individual babies rather than having a single philosophy. For me that has been:

Bf both to 14 / 15 months until they started to get too fidgety.

Moses basket in same room for first 5 or 6 months and then into own cot when started not to need a bf at night. We did have the odd night of co-sleeping but our two seemed to settle better on their own after first couple of months.

Weaned on purees with some finger food at 6 and 5 months. The purees were a mix of jars and homemade. This was the way recommended at the talk our health visitors gave when DC1 was 5 months and it seemed to strike good balance to me.

Used sling and pushchair depending on DCs mood. Sling came into its own with DC2 when DC1 still needed a pushchair most of time and DC2 liked to be close. But I found them hard work after about 6 to 8 months and tended to use them if I was not too far from house car if I was struggling. I only used them a few times indoors and that was when DC v unsettled in early days.

Apart from BFing, which I do think is definitely the best choice if you can do it, the other things have no impact on how the children develops. So in summary just do what works for you

Oh and on nappies I used reusables for most of first six months with DC1 but frankly felt she was uncomfortable in them as felt so wet. So when she outgrew the first size I went onto disposables and although I hate the waste I do find they make me a lot happier as I worried about the reusables. I have give the reusables to a friend to use on her DC so feel happier that they are getting a bit more use now.

I hate the term 'natural parenting' but i do sometimes co-sleep with dd (28 months) and did use a sling and still use it to carry her on my hip if she gets tired whilst walking (dont have a car and easier than taking the pushchair just in case). I did a mix of purees and blw and dd was happy with that. I formula fed and use disposable nappies. Do whatever suits you and your child best.

Exactly- it all works. I hate anyone who slates someone elses parenting to justify their own... Purees work, BLW works, prams work, sleeping in own room from day one works, co-sleeping works for some... each to their own... We need to get on with our own parenting and support each other as parenting is full of guilt and worry- no need to pile more guilt onto each other.

I have no idea how I will parent when she is older, or how I will parent number 2- it may be the total opposite of what I have done with number one. One day at a time and rule nothing out!

Ninky I used the term "don't want to", not " I will not be..." thus showing my points as preference rather that something carved in stone.

What alot of weird and bitter people on this thread, and that some of you have encountered. Crazy. So people have different lifestyles, some more or less mainstream than others, and some people are more passionate at promoting their choices than others. Is this news?. Why are some of you so bitter and judgemental?

Just one thing though, I need to comment on the ill informed opinion of "hairy lights" .

EC (Elimination Communication) is not just "something To do with not using nappies ... Some theory about learning when your baby needs to go and pointing them at the loo/letting them Poo/wee where they are - a hideous idea IMHO" .

It is a practise of learning when your baby needs to wee or poo, by a combinition of learning their body language, learning their timing and teaching them to go on cue. But you don't just let them go where they are, you use a toilet, potty or other sanitary receptacle rather than letting them soil themselves for years. So in the main in uses far less nappies/washing. You them don't need to teach them not to soil themselves when they are toddlers. It's not fool proof as babies don't learn to do anything in a linear fashion, but it can be very effective and satisfying on many levels. It definately isn't for everyone (understandably, especially in our culture) but it isn't "hideous". It's a legitimate method, used by much of the population of the world who don't have access to nappies.

Argh... I totally feel your pain Teapots , I encountered the same stuff when I was pregnant with my first, and fairly reliant on online parenting forums for much of my parenting 'advice' (we were in China at the time, and none of the friends in our social circle had children). I didn't understand why people got so militant about their choices, when I think all of us get to know our individual kids, and have reasonable instincts about what will work for us and what won't.

I remember going to a baby group shortly after my 2nd DC was born, and getting cozied up to by the babywearing (HATE that term) mums because she was in a sling...honestly, I couldn't have given a TOSS about how 'good it was for baby'...my DC1 was only 15 months old (and a bundle of activity) when DC2 came along, so if I hadn't stuck her in a sling she would have been pretty much ignored and neglected from the day she was born!!!

Whatever works for you!!

Just do what works for you and ignore all the People With Agendas, the early 21st century western world is not the riskiest environment babies have been born into.

Well I strongly believe in 'baby wearing' although I hate that term, it's quite patronising - breastfeeding, and co sleeping. I personally believe that these activies really help with baby bonding and help growing infants feel secure, when you 'babywear' your baby is close to your heart beat which it hears in the womb and this is usually very soothing.

As regards co sleeping. Personally, I have never understood why people feel that a baby that has spent all it's time in the snug space of the womb should be instantly transported to a wide empty cot, sometimes in another room altogether, which is also completely quiet, so soon after birth. It may be fine for toddlers but both my children co slept until they felt secure enough to sleep all night by themselves.

This is just my way of parenting, everyone does what is best for them obviously. So my opinion is just that.

Tell them to shut up! my friend gave me a sling assuming i'd be using one for 'bonding' and i can tell you i will never ever use one! I once seen a woman in town fall over with her baby in a sling on her front her poor baby was slammed against the ground and them crushed under her weight ambulance was called and to this day can not imagin how that baby might have survived it!

just tell them your baby likes her pram and so do you.

What is baby wearing and natural parenting? Is there a form of parenting that is unnatural?

Kiki I think you are being a bit silly to say you'll never use a sling. Your friend was trying to be nice, and slings are great. If yourealy did see that happne then that's terrible but I really do think, stitistically speaking, accidents from kids falling out of prams are far more likely. Fwiw, I tripped on some stairs with my dd in a sling. Instinct wouldn't have let me fall on her, I literally contorted myself so I didn't. I don't think I've ever seen someone fall on their front, very odd.

Exactly shineynewthings - from very little dd has hated sleeping with me. She likes to wriggle and poke me cuddled up in bed but not sleep next to me in a bed.

In terms of getting herself to sleep she found that better in a moses basket or cot.

Horses for courses for the BABY. They come out individuals and the best 'style' of parenting is a mother enabled to respond best to their child not just follow a set of rules.

All you non-babywearers, non-co sleepers... you know your babies are going to grow up feeling insecure and damaged don't you?

no...

just thought I would join in with the making people feel shit about their parenting choices.

I don't particularly have a problem with anyone's parenting choices.
However the only "natural parenting" person I know in RL (toddler group aquaintance) is so evangelical about it that it's very scary to be round her. I actually b/f DD till 18 months but she told me my reasons for stopping then were selfish, expressed horror that (apparently) 60% of mums who are b/f will stop when pregnant with their 2nd child (rather than tandem feeding) etc.

Haven't read the whole thread but:

you need to find some new online friends.

I think redsky that I wouldn't be able to stop myself laughing in her face if I were you. I certainly wouldn't be talking to her about my parenting choices (unless it was to wind her up - i.e. pretend I was still bf after she stopped for e.g.).

Accidents can happen with prams as well as slings- remember the pram which ended up in the railway track? No method is 100% safe.

Anyway- this isn't an argument about which methods are best, merely saying we're all different and all parent differently so stop making each other feel so chuffing guilty and accept many different things work for many babies.

What you're doing actually sounds way more baby led than forcing a grumpy baby who hates slings into a sling because that's "right". If baby hates the approach then its not natural or right for that baby. You know your child way better than anyone else and it sounds like you're doing the best thing for you and baby!

Actually, I have a good one.

I'm 10 wks pregnant and still feeding dd when needed. She is 14 mo. I started a thread on another parenting site about helping adjust dd's sleeping before the next one appears and received some very helpful responses.

I then saw on another thread a thinly veiled 'attack' along the following lines.

"Personally I think it is really selfish to have another baby while the first still needs you, making them wean or change their sleep patterns. That's why I am aiming for a 4 year age gap, to ensure natural spacing."

Another lovely lady dived in and queried how it was natural spacing to use contraception to ensure a set age gap, surely if you are still bf etc etc yet fall pregnant that is more "natural"? It didn't go down well.

That is so different from my attitude NinkyNonker - past the tiny baby stage I've never understand people who miss appointments because the baby is napping. I always got dd up!

I think the rhythms of life and society are what they are and a baby needs to fit into them. After all second and third babies (even with four year gaps!) will have to go on school runs etc!

I know. I am fiercely protective of dd's sleep as she doesn't do much of it (30 mins since 0330, yawn) and have sat in many a car park but would never miss anything fun or important! Though I must add that that is one reason slings are great.