boys with long hair

[violet79]

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

bloody is offensive to some people, especially Catholics. And you said ALL pupils with long hair.

Don't understand your beef.

Posie, OP has made it clear what her beef is - her son has SN and shouldn't have to comply - if I have read it correctly..

In that case I better let DS1 have his mohican and tell the school to "suck it up"

OP You've said a few times that pulling his hair back is painful for your son and that hair care in general is difficult with him - I suggest you ask in the style and beauty section on ways to pull his hair back that doesn't cause him that discomfort or as much discomfort in the hair care department in general. Having long/thick/curly hair shouldn't keep him from pulling his hair back comfortably or having manageable hair and there are lots of products available that may make the whole issue a distant memory.

I think if the girls at the school don't have to tie their hair back, then he shouldn't have to either. I would be mentioning sex descrimination to the head. Maybe you could attend the meeting with head but expalin that your son wont be there.

I have reread this thread now and I have some bits to point out.

In your OP you state...

"But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail".

So ALL pupils HAVE been informed of the new rule then?

"The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son"

Actually its not just for your son if the other long haired boy is going to have to tie his hair back as well.

"it wasn't the school rule, they are thinking about making it a new rule but no meeting with the governers has been held yet".

So have the pupils been informed or is it still in the pipeline?

"and what bothers me more is the school knew this and also knew he had long hair...but never said anything when we were visiting and trying to choose schools...they just said that they would gladly welcome my boys and make allowances for special needs and look forward to them starting if we choose their school"

The would make allowances for his special needs HOWEVER he still has to learn to follow rules whatever his needs are.

"...i asked y son if the girls in his class are being spoken too about it when he is and he said no"

But according to your OP ALL pupils were addressed during assembly.

"if i stopped fighting this battle with the head i would be spending my energy fighting a harder one with my son...believe me"

Yep sounds about right for being a parent!!

"Refusing to administer medication"

The document is called ?Managing Medicines in Schools and Early Years Settings?

Para 16. Of the guidance states:
?There is no legal duty that requires school or setting staff to administer medicines. A number of schools are developing roles for support staff that build the administration of medicines into their core job description. Some support staff may have such a role in their contract of employment. Schools should ensure that they have sufficient members of support staff who are appropriately trained to manage medicines as part of their duties.?

"He will have it trimmed...the school dont want it trimmed...they want it crew cut."

Well what you stated is that the school have given the option of either tying it back or having it cut. So heres the thing why not get it tidied up and thinned out and then you will be able to tie it back?

I think far too many people have come in and caught the end of this thread without reading back over the actual posts that i have made...i did not say that my sons hair causes stress for my son...i said its a bit of a bother to ME having to style it....as for nit checks...well id say that it is just as difficult as having to check for nits on a young girl with long curly hair...should all girls with long curly have it cut to avoid nits/ of course not.

I havent deviated from the point...another poster brought up my sons use of the word bloody and i responded...responded...not deviated...which btw ...is only considered to be a swear word by some people and ONLY in england...my family orginate from america where it is fine to say this word...i did not "bring them up to say the word" ...everyone said it in the community we came from, and the school played a big part in not seeing it as unnacceptable too!

yes i do know that it is only being enforced with my son...my children have obserbved the matter at school and i have seen it on the playground...noone else gets told...lets put it this way ...if they were spending the same ammount of time hounding all other kids with long loose hair as they did me and my son then they wouldnt actually be doing anything else!...not to mention that like i said the head looked dumbfounded when i asked if its being enforced with anyone else and then declared "no but i guess we will have to" ...but still i have seen NO change! ... the head has already virtually admitted that its not a rule and that she will probably get the rule changed just cos of the new circumstance of having my son in the school...sorry i cant make this fact any clearer.

not that i think they will follow through with making it an actual rule as i have as of yet still had no offical letter sent home to all parents....just me and my son.

i do like the place i moved to...that said it has been ruined by the trouble the school has caused me...its not that i am making things difficult for them...they have consistantly made things difficult for me and my family...everything we do they have a problem with...i tried to get something signed to say that they were providing care for my children in the mornings and they refused to sign meaning that my childcare claim got massivly delayed...just because they didnt want to sign! ...they wont give my son his mediciene because they say they "dont have too" even though he needs it and they would if he needed it just one more dose a day...even though instructrions from the doc say they have to be a certain ammount of time apart...i have had NO harrasment from the school about the use of the word bloody...so this needs to stop being an issue in this thread! and they have been sending me red letters for money that i do not have to pay going against a ton of government legislation...the fact is ...yes i am having problems with the school...yes they are picking on my son cos he has long hair...no its not an issue with any other child...i hope this clarifys everything ...and anyone who says i dont know what they are making an issue regarding hair for other children must simply accept that i know better than them on this matter as i am in the middle of it ...now i have had plenty of support and i thank those kind enough to offer their advice...it will be used and hopefully i will get something sorted.

I think you're paranoid.

' "...i asked y son if the girls in his class are being spoken too about it when he is and he said no"

But according to your OP ALL pupils were addressed during assembly.'

TLE, surely you realise that informing all children once in assembly is not the same as subsequently enforcing the rule by speaking to those who are not complying?

As a point of information, "bloody" is considered a swear word in America- hence the hassle when Ron Weasley used the word in one of the Harry Potters.

Op- stop fighting battles that don't matter. Maybe the school is being unfair- maybe not. But tie his hair back and save your energy for the many battles younwill have tonight on behalf of your child in the future. At some point he has to learn the hard lesson that sometimes you just have to fit in. This might be a good, painless time to do it.

Soup

I am fully aware of this. I just find it odd how one parent can know what is said to each individual child.

As we all know children don't always get the facts right with things. Maybe the other pupils have been spoken to but are chosing not to follow the rules.

And it is likely that other parents are using thebop's som as a reason for their child not complying with the rules! A textbook definition of the vicious circle!

How many schools will you try, op, before you find one that panders to you and your dcs?

I've can't remember ever hearing bloody on child friendly American tv - hbo would be a different matter, of course.

Not sure I get this sexist thing. Girls and boys still have different norms in dress and hair and this is not going to disappear any time soon. Should it really be OK for a boy to come to school in a skirt, for instance?

Just get his hair cut. He is still young and will actually be happier to have nice easy-to-care-for hair and to fit in with anything else. It seems to me that the OP is using her son to fight for her feminist principles; not very fair on him.

And, if we really are going to move to the (very boring) idea of dressing boys and girls as clones of one another, then short hair is the way to go.

OP, What is the nature of your DS's SN if you can absolutely trust that he knows that no other pupil is being spoken to about their hair? Only I have NT children and couldn't be sure.

FRom what you've said OP you are either a very different family hat gets up everyone's nose and the school is prejudiced against you or you are perfectly compliant and a helpful family but the school is prejudiced against you or you are imagining all of this and constantly looking for obstacles.

What medicine is it that the school refuses to administer?

Most schools won't administer antibiotic medicine unless it is needed 4 times a day - if it is just 3 times you can give a dose before school, one immediately after and one just before bed (or in the middle of the night, which is what I do, so they are better spread out).8am, 4pm and 12 midnight - or there abouts.

My two boys looked gorgeous with long hair which they had in primary and junior school. I do agree that any rules about long hair should be for both boys and girls. Don't worry if your son was called a girl in his class. Mine used to get this but the girlies absolutely loved my boys with long hair! Mine had to tie their hair back for PE which was a school rule and happy to respect that rule. They are both at secondary school now with short hair and that was their choice though I preferred their long hair!

just put his hair in a pony tail

thats is life, I got told for hoop earrings and green mascara. dont turn into some huge fucking drama and make it all about gender and his SN

but I suspect you will play the victim/martyr on this and I dont think long run this will help your boy at all. I think a prolonged battle will cuase more harm than good

and its hardly a burning platform is it?????

there is a world of difference between a hall full of 230 4-10 year olds being told something briefly before assembly starts when they are not paying attention let alone gonna go home and inform thier parents, then just harrassing one person over the matter and admitting that it is JUST that child that they have a problem with to thier parents ...and actually sending a note home to all parents to inform them of a new rule and enforcing it with every single child! ...
posiepetrifyingparker...if its easier for you to take all the info ive wrote immediatly above and come to the conclusion that i am paranoid rather than actually believe that there are some seriously predjudice people in authority out there then i wish you the best of luck with that train of thought and wher it leads you in life...i live in the real world.
I can assure it is is not a swear word in america and you have no citation for your "fact" saying that someone somewhere complained that ron said bloody does not constitute a citation...look it up before you declare a fact...ill also add that i am very strict with actual swearing and i dont even let my kids say "for gods sake" ...its a matter of opinion and yours is no better than mine.
Evenstar i have already addressed how i know how much has been said to other children and parents...for a starter ill refer yuo to the comment i made about the head actually admitting she hadnt been chasing up anyone else and looked dumbstruck for what to say when i called her on it! please read before you comment.

tryingtoleave...
im not looking for a school that panders to anything, theres nothing wrong with finding one that dosent discriminate.

larrygrylls...youve obviously missed the point and not read any of the information i have given in this thread....if you had bothered youll of known that this is NOT my issue...its my sons, and that i have been trying to promote the idea of short hair as a positive thing to my son.

What sort of hair has your child got?