boys with long hair

[violet79]

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

My ds had long hair and was happy to keep it ties back whenever the schoolntold him to. Why wouldn't he be? Thennthe rules changed qt the swimming pool( after q mega bill for filter repair) that all hair longer than shoulder length had to be under a cap. Son he decided thatnhe would rathernhave it cut than wear a cap. Simple. If you're part of a community, you follow the reasonable rules of the community.

Apart from anything else, too many kids come home crawling with head lice.

Not my problem either. My DD has waist-length hair that she kept up for school and DS had short, their choice. Neither got headlice.
Combed them three times a week.

Well this is what's making me wonder.

The OP says her son gets very distressed when she tries to wash and brush it for him, so how on earth does he manage with regular checking for head lice?

worra yes but as I said a boy in DS school was sent home for a grade one ffs, sure fire way to keep the lice at bay I would have thought so seems kids cannot win.

My job is to teach children, whatever their size, hair design or smell.
I don't care what they wear as long as it is suitable for the task at hand and doesn't distract others, and I don't care what their hair looks like as long as they don't spend hours hairdressing instead of listening, thinking and doing.
It's irrelevant to me, but I work in a school that has rules, so I support those rules and encourage compliance.
If a rule was unbearable and I couldn't get it changed, I'd move jobs.

True eccles

Grade one is often seen as far-right skins. I worked in a place where a lot of boys had their heads shaved as a cultural thing, so grade 1 wasn't a problem there and was accepted.

Same school had no uniform policy at all.

'My job is to teach children, whatever their size, hair design or smell.' wish all teachers, schools and governors thought like this save a lot of pointless hassle over 'rules'

Isn't the whole point of this not that the OPs DS has to wear it tied back but that they are apparently not enforcing the rule for girls and the other long haired boy?

yes soupdragon but in true MN stylee we all get carried away on tangents

Yes, that is the main point. The school are discriminating. It should be a rule for all or none.

clearly if you read my Opost was not looking for acceptance..i was asking for support..its was you who came to the wrong thread im afraid.

So that was one of your mistakes - you don't post in AIBU looking for support. You are as likely to be told you are being stupid as you are to be told that you are right.

Isn't the whole point of this not that the OPs DS has to wear it tied back but that they are apparently not enforcing the rule for girls and the other long haired boy?

Yes but the OP massively strayed from the point and the thread took of in that direction Lol.

But most schools have a separate uniform for boys and girls, and this is allowed??

Spider pig, I the case of the OP the head teacher said " all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail". all pupils.

Totally confused now.

So the OP is annoyed that her child has to have his hair tied back or cut it and this is the same for boys and girls?

What is there to be upset about?

Poor DS has to stuff his long dreads into a rubber cap for swimming. I am glad I dont go with the them or I think my pelvic floor would get a severe bashing

Since when was Bloody not a swear word? I consider myself quite an authority on swearing and it is and always has been a swear. A mild one admittedly but still a swear. It hasnt reached the same level as damn and blast just yet.

Op is annoyed because the school are trying to enforce it only with her child and no one else. Or somthing.

She doesn't actually know it's only her child facing enforcement.

She has seen there are several pupils breaking the 'tie-back" rule, but doesn't know whether and in what terms their families are spoken to. As there is persistent rule breaking, she is assuming that it is arising from different actions by the school. But we don't actually know this is the case.

OP: your DS is being asked to comply with a fair rule. He should do so.

Look after your own and help him. Let the families of the other rule breakers worry about what the future may hold for them (in school clampdown, or later difficulties in knowing how to "play the game" when dealing with the authorities).

I find it hard to believe any school would insist on boys having long hair tied back but not girls; it simply doesn't make any sense. DD has just started reception, she has long hair which school rules state must be tied back because of nits. That would obviously apply to boys too.
OP if you really believe you are being discriminated against then simply take it up with the school, as soupdragon and others have said. But it's hardly a case of them picking on your son if, as is most likely, it's a H&S rule that will undoubtedly apply to ALL pupils. If his hair is really such a huge cause of stress to him, then perhaps his SN will mean he could be exempt? But you sound like you hate the school so much (and your area), so why on earth did you choose to send him there?
Plus am not sure what kind of 'community' allows children to swear, but you should absolutely stop your children from swearing, it's a really unappealing trait.

I don't really get why tying one's hair back is a big deal tbh. Self-expression will happen at college and uni.

The school is no doubt thinking along of the traditional (but old fashioned, sexist and ridiculous) lines of boys hair= short hair so must be tied up whereas girl's hair = long normally so should be alowed to be long and untied. Is it really worth making such a big song and dance about it? It will mark you out as trouble but if you don't care then go for it or home educate.It will be a step towards challenging gender stereotypes I guess.

I had waist length hair as a child and never questioned the rule that said hair below shoulder length needed to be tied back. The same applied to my ds2's hair years later and until he got tired of managing such long hair, his was tied back in a pony tail. No drama, no need for a drama.

I happen to have an intensive dislike for very short, clippered hair on boys. It looks hideous. But that's neither here nor there, tbh because I respect those parents who opt to turn their boys into mini-skinheads.

I'm not a great fan of school uniform either since it is utter bollocks to claim it's either inclusive or has a great deal of effect on discipline but the simple fact is that if the school you send your children to has uniform rules then you have to go along with them. The alternative is to choose another school or home educate.

I realise that the OP's son has sensory issues but as The Lady Evenstar says (from her own experience) somewhere along the line you may have to go against your SN child's preferences. Also, it is almost always wrong to assume that no other child in a school has been asked to comply with a rule. Unless, of course, you are the one that sends all the letters out to parents asking for long hair to be tied back.

Clearly, OP, you have much bigger problems than merely tying back your son's hair. It looks as if you dislike where you live, dislike the school your children attend and generally seem to assume that you've been transported to an uncivilised, heathen place.Although, rather oddly, it is a place where they recognise "bloody" for the swear word that everyone else (regardless of where they live) knows it is.

I'd stop making such a fearful deal out of all this. Talk to the head teacher, tell them that you will tie your child's hair back but would like to see this rule properly enforced for both boys and girls. If it is so painful for your son to have his hair tied back then I fear that you will have to tackle his unwillingness to have his hair cut and just get on and do it.

I am perplexed at what community would deem it acceptable for a child to swear.
I mean I live in a rough area of London and yes you do hear children swear but you also hear parents reprimand them not accept it.

Seriously OP you are being precious. Having a special needs child does not mean you have to roll over to their every whim. It means you struggle on some things but you as the parent must teach your child to deal with change, differing opinions etc. You cannot let him grow up thinking the world owes him a favour because it doesn't and him being allowed to think that will seriously hinder his mental growth.