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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

boys with long hair

382 replies

violet79 · 08/10/2011 15:27

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
violet79 · 08/10/2011 23:57

worralibety,
one warning might suffice for someone who does not say it as habit and think nothing of it ...but another for a child who does...
the word blooding being a swear word is a matter of opinion...and as ive found out , it is only certain areas of england that actually think it is out of the whole world!
I think its perfectly acceptable for a teacher with a child from hundreds of miles away , new to the school to invite the child parents in for a talk and a plan of action to be devised before punnishing the child repeatedly, in order to understand where that child is coming from.
I am anything but precious, i am willing to assist the school with stopping my children say this word...it was a separate issue brought in my a mumsnet member who tied 2 different comments of mine in 2 different threads..my only point here was that the school try and accept the difference and deal with it appropriatly.

OP posts:
Original poster
violet79 · 08/10/2011 23:59

can i ask what dc means?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/10/2011 00:04

You'd be happy for the teachers to tell your children to put their bloody pens down and bloody listen, would you violet?

I think you're in a minority if you think that would be OK and not swearing.

worraliberty · 09/10/2011 00:09

Oh dear god get a grip!

Tell your kids to stop saying Bloody cos it's a swearword here...end of!

As for the school inviting you all in...where the hell does that leave them time to educate your children?

Or do you think your kids are the only important ones in the school?

Sorry but you're coming across as totally 'me me me and my my my kids' here.

Just make it clear to the school you expect the policy to apply to both male and female pupils and make it clear to your kids they can't swear without being punished at school.

If you don't like it, home ed them or send them somewhere else.

Original poster
violet79 · 09/10/2011 00:10

my children have not been brought up saying the word bloody to anyone in a confrontational way....they simply say it in sentence i.e. "i cant get my bloody coat on"...
the difference is clear...and im not promoting it...im not even asking for advise on it ...it was on a different thread and if you read that thread you will see how relaxed i am on the issue...it was mentioned by another poster on this thread...i responded to that post only ...and i will not reply any further on this thread

OP posts:
Original poster
violet79 · 09/10/2011 00:16

worralirity...yo miss the point...i have told them not to say it ...its habit...now tell yourself to stop crossing your legs....how long do you last ? theres something to be said for tolerance .
none of my issues have anything to do with education...you make a good point ...with the male female thing...but i see no need to be so off...i have already pointed out i am looking elsewhere for education. if i come across me me me ...its only because iv related to another parent and am replying to them...its not often you find someone on your own wavelength but when you do i find that a positive thing.

OP posts:
wellwisher · 09/10/2011 00:17

dc = dear children.

Original poster
violet79 · 09/10/2011 00:18

i was repeatedly swore at as a child at school...and i would not mind is the word bloody was used in front of my kids...as long as it wasn't directed at them.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 09/10/2011 00:22

Look, the swearing subject was brought up on this thread and you replied with the attitude that the school should make some sort of exception for your children...sorry but they shouldn't imo.

You also seem to think an exception should be made regarding your son's hair being tied back...sorry but imo it shouldn't.

If you want your child to be educated in a school with 100s of other children then you will (again imo) have to start supporting the school and perhaps realise that your kids aren't the only important ones there.

In other words, give up sweating the small stuff and start supporting the school in educating your kids because that's what they are there to do.

AgentZigzag · 09/10/2011 00:23

It's pretty normal for threads to discuss things not covered in the opening post violet.

I haven't seen the thread you're talking about and was just responding to what you've posted here.

Bloody is considered a swear word, it's used in a lot of situations of course, but at school isn't one of them.

The only way it could be used at school legitimately is within a group of friends and not in earshot of any adults.

Original poster
violet79 · 09/10/2011 00:27

no i dont think an exception should be made in regard to my sons hair being tied back...if you can read back through what ive wrote you will unsderstand that the school is picking on my son and my son only ...not enforcing anything with any other child ...due to a complaint by one other parent about my son in particular!
I only mention my sons condition as the school was made aware of it before we accepted a place at the school and the said they would accept him for who he was and not ask him to change!
this is not small to my child.

OP posts:
WetAugust · 09/10/2011 00:34

Worral

You summed it up perfectly a few posts back:

All you need to do is stick to this fact...If the school policy states that long hair should be tied back, then both male and female pupils should be made to tie it back...End of

I'm stepping away for a Wine. It's becoming far too vexatious for me.

worraliberty · 09/10/2011 00:45

Right so the Head Teacher categorically said to you 'We accept your child and will not ask him to change?' Hmm

And you are sure they extended this to his hair cut?

Really I'm going to do the same as WetAugust now and step away from this thread since you don't really want to accept you might BU.

Good luck trying to change the world to accomodate you and your children though.....

Original poster
violet79 · 09/10/2011 00:58

worral...
they said they would accept him as he was end off...i told them that change was traumatic for him they said implicitly they wouldnt ask him to change...ok?
i clearly if you read my Opost was not looking for acceptance..i was asking for support..its was you who came to the wrong thread im afraid.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/10/2011 01:02

Hehe, I've just had a look at the zombie thread you're talking about and I posted quite a lot on it.

You seem to be saying that it's just people 'Oop North' who are so backwards they haven't caught on to the souths acceptance of the word in general school childrens chat.

Regardless of whether you're right or not (and you're not), you've chosen to send your children to a school where it's not OK.

Maybe you think they should have warned you this is the case, or could it be that they just presumed you would know this social convention?

Swearing shouldn't be a habit at 7 and 9, just tell them not to do it.

Unless you think the rules you apply at home should overrule the schools rules?

seeker · 09/10/2011 08:38

I know this is not the subject of this particular thread, but I don't think the are any communities in this country here it is acceptable for primary age children to use the word "bloody" in any context apart from to describe something covered in blood.

TheLadyEvenstar · 09/10/2011 08:40

I have read this and tbh you need to stop pandering to your DS.

Sorry of that offends.

You need to help him feel he can fit in in society without having to have his hair to hide behind. If as in your words "Tying it back won't stop it being in his eyes" is the case then you need to help him accept change.

I too speak as the parent of a SN child. My son has Asperger, ODD and sensory issues.

If he had his way he wouldn't shower or wash but I as a responsible parent make him because otherwise he would end up smelling and stand out in another way. I don't want this for him so I have to show him the right way - just my job as a mum.

TheLadyEvenstar · 09/10/2011 08:41

Also the onus is on YOU to retrain your children not to swear you after all taught them it was acceptable NOT the school.

MrsRobertDuvall · 09/10/2011 08:53

I don't know what community to come from, but it seems if you won't comply with school rules and see nothing wrong with letting ds swear, you home educate him.
Then you can all swear away to your heart 's content.

lollilou · 09/10/2011 09:12

My DS's hair is getting very long as he decided he didn't want it cut last year. We are happy to go along with this as my hair is often ribbon braided and my DH has waist length dreads. BUT I am waiting for the letter from school to ask him to tie it back as I am pretty sure this is school policy and I will comply with no arguments. If my DS decides he doesn't like it then he will have the choice tie it back or get it cut. I do feel that is the only way for you to move forward with this issue. If ALL children have to have their hair tied back then your son will have to also. Might make you a little unpopular with some Mums though

RedHelenB · 09/10/2011 09:14

Notanotter - yes, the girls would have been told the same re swimming

As to the hair issue, if it is l;ong & curly it needs tying back end of story!! Plus, if he's twirling & pulling at it all the time it's going to end up a right mess!!

stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 09/10/2011 12:54

Hair, bloody hair, schools never seem bloody satisfied. too long wrong style etc etc. apart from health and safety what does it bloody matter what their hair is like! it has no bearing whatsoever on their ability to learn. A boy at DS school was sent home for having a grade 1 cut so they just can't win. Yet teachers can wear what they like and have hair (or not) as they like. RIDICULOUS IMO

DownbytheRiverside · 09/10/2011 13:00

'Yet teachers can wear what they like and have hair (or not) as they like. RIDICULOUS IMO'

That's because we are adults, although certain outfits would still not be allowed in most schools. I've never understood why that seems a reasonable comment for parents to make.
I wear dangly earrings too.

stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 09/10/2011 13:05

why should children not be allowed freedom of expression too in how they choose to wear their hair?

DownbytheRiverside · 09/10/2011 13:09

Absolutely, except H&S in science and PE. I also don't give a stuff what they have in their lunchboxes, or what they eat at breaktime.
It's not the teachers, it is the school rules. You need to tackle the SMT, the Governors and whatever form of pupil voice or council they have to get things changed.