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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

boys with long hair

382 replies

violet79 · 08/10/2011 15:27

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

OP posts:
violet79 · 11/10/2011 16:47

posie...there are many other reasons that could ultimately lead to this situation with my sons hair occurring, and most of them if you read back i can "strip down" to financial motives...(wanting another child in the school for extra funding and lying about what they will and wont accept only to think they can make my son change the moment he is tied to the school) or possibly what i said about my other son getting his hair cut and them thinking theres no reason why my son shouldnt...to possibly a complete ignorance to the impact it would have on him in comparison to the benefit of them having a school full of lemmings...
it could also even be to do with the fact that the head finds its easier to create a new rule for my family than go up against the hardnuts next door to me that want thier son to have extreme styles so bad that they will say as long as my son has longt hair they will have extreme styles in their childs...maybe im the easier option to bully...
maybe they really are just against long hair on boys and when i went in to complain about my son being bullied by the lad calling him a girl...maybe just maybe they thought he deserved it and thought it easier to deal with my son than the bully ...or even more favourable...maybe its anything...i dont know...but i really dont think its as simple as they hate my family...
after all it is only circumstance that it happens to be my other son that needs medication...it could of been any other family and they would of been just as difficult...
and i seriously dont thinkim the only family that gets red letters for school trips...this head has an office that a high flying businessman would be proud of..its brand new built over the summer with fresh flowers every day....its crazy ...the school just sees £££ ...
my point in bringing up these issues is to show what little integrety the school has.
my only issue here is the hair...and the unfairness...the rest is pure shock at what came accross as a very very good , welcoming , accepting, caring school that i couldnt wait to send my kids too ...has actually turned out to be a money grabbing, have to be awkward cos we can nightmare school!

OP posts:
violet79 · 11/10/2011 16:50

ok...reported my own comment and reposted...fingers crossed no harm done

OP posts:
PerryCombover · 11/10/2011 16:54

violet
please go and speak to the school about this. Not everyone will understand your points and sometimes thrashing them out on here doesn't make them better but makes them bigger and worse

once you have spoken to the school I'm sure there will be some rational explanation. If there isn't it'll open channels for you to achieve what you and your s need.
Let us know how you get on

violet79 · 11/10/2011 17:00

perrycombover...
yes i think i can see that ...although i have to wonder if its a lack of understanding or just a desire to be controversial, or to stick to original guns of a first impression. I really thought that speaking to other mums might help as i thought we all cared about our childrens wellbeing...thought i was in good company on this site...and i have to say...some of the advice i have been given has been absolutely worth it.
I will most definatly give an update after speaking to the school...as it seems that once i have the answer everyone will be happier here lol! keep eyes out for a nice fresh post in a few days time (as i have to have my appoint with his mental health worker first)

OP posts:
HintofBream · 11/10/2011 17:44

You frequently complain that people do not read your posts therefore you have to repeat yourself. But do you read your own posts? You complain that the school will not give your younger son his medication, yet on Saturday at 21.57 you said "It wasn't till I said I would have to leave work to give it to him that they agreed". They are giving it to him so why do you keep saying that they will not?

violet79 · 11/10/2011 18:03

i am talking in past tense ...this went on for a very long time and i had to seek advice on whether or not i should go do it myself or if it would be ok to leave it from the GP...
this problem went on long enough for me to talk about the school in terms of refusing to give medication...like you say its all there to read if anyone can be bothered...but when i have to give out the list again and again...i am going to cut it shorter and shorter every time...they DID refuse and refuse for a very long time...yes they give it now...albeit begrudgingly...but that does not deter from the point i was making about the schools care for its pupils...it isnt even the issue i wanted to talk about ...i only mentioned it because i wanted to get across the reluctance to care of the school...
if i say *will not give8 ...its because its easier than going into the whole stroy from start to finnish when i have wrote it all before.

OP posts:
BatsUpMeNightie · 11/10/2011 18:07

Please please ......... Someone make it stop!!!

vividgingerchilli · 11/10/2011 18:08

If girls with long hair have to tie their hair back for PE etc (and it is safety risk not to....) then so should boys. No unfairness on the part of the school there.

WetAugust · 11/10/2011 18:09

Totally agree - it's gone on long enough.

Shall we change the subject?

It's been a bit blustery and overcast here today. I thought i might bake a cake later.

violet79 · 11/10/2011 18:10

batsupmenightie...you are one of the most unpleasant people i have never encountered and thank god i will never have too

OP posts:
BatsUpMeNightie · 11/10/2011 18:10

I thought about baking a cake but then I realised that would mean getting up and walking away from the computer so obviously that wasn't going to happen! Grin

BatsUpMeNightie · 11/10/2011 18:11

If you have never encountered me Violet how on earth do you know?

violet79 · 11/10/2011 18:11

vividgingerchilli,...sorry this thread has been a little hijacked with strange comments that have nothing to do with my OP...you would probably need an age to trawl through what people have made up and what are the facts.....but no that is not my issue.

OP posts:
WetAugust · 11/10/2011 18:13

Walking away from the computer (and this thread in particular) is something i've already done once.

I've a packet of walnutes so perhaos a nice coffee and walnut cake would be a good thing to bake to take into the office tomorrow.

handsomeharry · 11/10/2011 18:18

Please please ......... Someone make it stop!!! Grin

This is one time I wish there was a 'like' button.

HintofBream · 11/10/2011 18:27

Sorry Violet79 but that really will not wash. Anyone reading your post of 9.25 this morning would conclude that the school is not administering the medication when in fact it is.

I fully agree with the majority of posters that rules for boys' and girls' hair should be the same and you should approach the head teacher on this basis.

However you are doing yourself no favours by misleading posts and you are certainly losing my sympathy as I now start wondering what else is "in the past tense" but masquerading as the present.

Oakmaiden · 11/10/2011 18:31

I walked away - but it keeps on drawing me back....

It is kindo of like watching a car crash....

I think the OP has quite genuine concerns with the school, but cannot seem to see that the way she is presenting them here make her look like a complete nightmare... and she probably isn't, she has just argued herself into knots over this....

PosieIsSaggySacForLemaAndPigS · 11/10/2011 18:53

violet79 Sat 08-Oct-11 15:27:20
I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.......I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable........

violet79 Sat 08-Oct-11 19:12:50
seeker, no as i pointed out in pevious replies, my son has very curly hair which is shorter at the front ...it hurts him to tye it back and even more when its on top of his head to get the hair removed from his face...its also very thick so the wieght of it in the ponytail is unbelievable...and he has sensory issues as mentioned before.

So that's why people are thinking you make no sense.

larrygrylls · 12/10/2011 08:57

I just cannot understand why someone is making such a big issue about hair length. Ultimately, a much better message is that children have to conform to their parents' and the school's wishes.

There is just no way that hair length is an important part of a pre teens' identity and, if it really is, there are far more important confidence issues which need addressing. What parent really wants to put a boy in the position of being potentially teased and bullied at school. It seems so unfair on me to fight personal issues vicariously through one's children.

larrygrylls · 12/10/2011 08:58

to me not on me

violet79 · 12/10/2011 09:14

posie...
no it wont make much sense when you copy and paste something leaving out the crucial parts of the sentences that actually made it make sense...
it was the rest of the information that the new situation suddenly sprouting out of nowhere that was a little off that was my point...
seriously ...if your gonna keep repeating the same accusations and satatements over and over ...my replies are going to get more quickly wrote...and i have dyxlexia and constantly having to repeat myself and getting fed up with it may mean my sentences are not the best put together ...but if you please...theres no need to copy and paste bits and bobs and miss out the bulk of what i have said...if you did that to ANYBODY ...you could create things that seem inconsistant...the media are great at it...thats why they say dont believe everything you read in magazines...you should be a jounalist.

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 09:20

larrygrlls...do you actually have children? identity is actually very crucial to pre teen...do yuo seriously lump all children into a non person category? at what age do people actually develop identity...do yuo have the formula for that? ...ridiculous!..
there was a little girl i knew who was 5 years old wen she decided she was happier as a boy...when she went to the hairdressers she had it cut short wen shopping for uniform she wanted trousers and clothes from the boys section...she knew damn well who she was ...she is ten now and still a complete tomboy who plays with boys , not girls...thats just one example...every single child i have ever encountered has had thier own identity AND its been important to them!

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 12/10/2011 09:25

yes, 2 children, both young.

You are either disingenuously or deliberately confusing gender dysphoria, which is very probably a physical condition, with a prediliction for a certain type of clothing or hairstyle. Where does your entitled view end? Would it be reasonable to assume a boy could choose to go to school in a skirt or with an orange dyed mohican "because it was a part of their identity"?

larrygrylls · 12/10/2011 09:31

And, it is not a non-person category. Teens are a very specific category where they are trying to leave their childhood identity which is more couched in home and family find their individual identity. They often use a form of tribalism to do it, identifying strongly with a mode of dress, a hairstyle or a type of music. Adults should also have a strong enough self-identity to be able to dress appropriately for a work environment, for instance, without it threatening "their identity".

How on earth do you think we all managed before political correctness? Most of us had to wear a school uniform and have short hair. I don't think we are all deeply psychologically damaged by it.

seeker · 12/10/2011 10:54

My children like to express their identity by dying their hair bright colours.

Because they know that both of their schools don't allow this, they save it for the holidays. They both are individual nough not to be extinguished by their on hair colour!

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