boys with long hair

[violet79]

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

peachy...
i have to disagree about the cant pay cant go thing...it is segregation between the rich and the poor, the school has funds and should not (under legislation)provide trips they cannnot afford without parents help during school hours (esp if its part of the syllabus) as education in this country is free and paid for by our taxes...in other words we have already paid . although they can ask for contributions...would you not feel its a little unfair on an innocent child to be left behind sat at school on thier own , singled out , left out, just because thier parents are poor and could not make the cash? not to mention all thier classmates being made fully aware of their poverty?
Children should not be discriminated or lose out on education and curriculum simply because there parents are not as well off as other childrens parents...a fair education is provided in this country and thankfully that hAS been made law.

thankyou quintessentialdead...i needed a bit of a gee up ...starting to lose the will to live here lol! thanks :)

Our school is VA and not in England so don't think we get funds; we also have a £109k deficit due to the falling role issue so different I guess

this thread feels a little wrong to me. It feels like it is becoming an attack on violet regarding her parenting.

Violet if you have issues with the school you must have a meeting and discuss them.
Very often what we assume or read into an action is far away from the first often well meant intention of the school. The best way to get through it is to get a meeting with the headteacher and discuss all the points.
If some of the things are undoable or unacceptable for you see if you can reach a compromise.

Sometimes it's difficult to see all the repercussions of a rule or action. Allow the headteacher the opportunity to explore this with you and give them the benefit of you experience and advice

ahh ..sorry peachy...probably would be good if they adopted some low wage level and parents could apply if they fall below that wage bracket for free school trips...that way they could weed out the ones that are just unwilling...then just put up the cost of the school trips by a small amount all round...could be a good way round that ...but i guess there would be a few people who would complain :(

thankyou perrycombover, thats helpful advice. I hope you are right because that would mean i might get somewhere, i have just contacted a SN support in schools for families group, im hoping that they will help me word things carefully.

The policy should apply to both boys and girls, I think it's reasonable for a school to insist long hair is tied back.

boys and girls should be able to have their hair as long as they want but I'm afraid I do agree with keeping it tied back at school, it's safer, neater and protects against the dreaded nits. But this should apply to both sexes equally.

I'm pretty at some of the narrow minded attitudes on here about appearance and image. Are our children not allowed to be individuals and have preferences? Should anything that isn't mainstream be quashed?

And whats' the score with no braids? Or tracks? there are a couple of little black girls in dds reception class with braids they look gorgeous and very neat. My friends daughter is mixed race white/african and she has braids ptherwise my friend would have an absolute nightmare every morning with a comb trying to contain it! I often see boys walking round in uniform with dreads etc. Seems normal to me. I expect the main hair stipulations in secondary schools in a city would be ones that indicated some affinity to a gang in which case there could be an issues but apart from that I can't see a problem .

Re uniform generally the only reason i think it's ok is that is protects kids from low income families standing out next to their more affluent peers. In areas such as where I live there's a real divide between v rich (not me!) comfortable (me) and low income as is the case with many cities.

kslatts...
very true, i can understand differant uniform rules for girls and boys (to an extent) like that they might have a problem with my son walking into school in a skirt...
but long hair on a boy is not the hairy equivilant of a boy in a skirt...its a part of his body, and as another member said...its not an extreme style...its not even a style ...its just the way its grown, and noone should force another person to cut off thier own hair...(in a job its another thing altogether as the person is not forced...they have the option to not take the job) ...to say that long hair is ok on girls and not boys is simply sexual discrimination...
i understand what you are saying about tying it back....but one of the reasons we chose the school is because thier school policy only said no extreme styles and we could clearly see all the girls with long hair long flowing , and we made sure that we told the schools the way things were at his old school and checked off that they were held the same principles. They changed thier rules just for my son and are upholding this rule just for my son...still no letter has been sent home to parents and i am the only parent being called in about it, in fact im pretty sure im the only parent who actually knows of this new "rule".

minxofmancunia...
i had noticed the narrowmindedness...am im glad someone else has said...i was avoiding that train of thought completely what with having to deal with the attacks on me personally and my parenting...
where i come from there are many caribbean children with masses of afro hair and it always looked much neater and tidier when put in braids...thats why i mentioned earlier on that i think its part of the schools predjudice and regimented ways to keep minorities out...i can absolutly say i have only seen one minority family there and they are eastern asian...this is not in line with the amount of minorities that live in the area.

there* = at the new school

violet79 I'm sorry you are having to go through this, bur you are right in standing up to the school, I think sometimes with schools you have to assert your power as a parent a little bit otherwise they begin to treat the parents like school children too. I work with schools very closely as part of my job and unfortunately some of the attitudes you get from teachers is shocking.

I am working with a family currently who'd 13 year old son has BAD ADHD. i have written school numerous letters about it. They are currently nitpicking over the fact he has some grey bits on his shoes, just on the sole, supposed to be all black apparently. the family can't afford to buy any new school shoes and it's causing them untold stress. Complete nonsense IMO. the child deserves an education and a positive school expreinece and not to be worrying about crap like a bit of colour on his shoes.

minxofmancunia...
i remember from my own experience at school that schools can be this way...at senior school i remember being picked on for wearing an alice band in the wrong part of my hair. I cannot believe about the grey esp as its on the sole of his shoes! i have no idea how that can have a negative impact on his education or the rest of the school! and shoes can be so expensive! its bad enough with my 2 that they put holes in everything so quickly without that...
but ive had something similar with a dull orange strip on my sons grey socks... you cant even see it!

i also will never forget when i was 13 ...i was sat in class qwearing a long pleated school skirt and massive wooly socks and the teacher came up to me and said get out my class when i asked why, she said it was because i was a teenager and she knows my kind..."with sexy stockings on under your school skirt" ...i was only 13 , i was soo shocked! ...teachers are not always all that ...and they are not always right or PC ...its very true that sometimes you need to stand your ground as some teachers are just plain wierd about things

Ok- it's teacher bashing time again is it?

The kids were told at assembly that long hair should be tied back.

Very long hair is an extreme style for a boy at this time and in this country.

How do you know that no other parent has been pulled up over it?

DS1 had his cut last July - before that it was long. It looks better shorter(still not very short thankfully). He was only ever badgered to tie it back in science and PE - one of the PE teachers in particular hated it and took the piss. DS1 ignored the pisstaking because, as he said, the man was clearly an inadequate twat. But he did tie it back reluctantly.

As I said, mine had his cut when they changed the rules at the swimming pool and it was either cut it or wear a swimming cap! Still not mega short though- fortunately he favours the rock god/surfer dude look!

seeker...i was recalling an experience, and applying it to the fact that some people on here refuse to admit that not ALL teachers are perfect...i didnt see you saying ok mother bashing when everyone was insisting i was some sort of crazy.
I have had a great experience with teachers ...the majority of them in fact...at senior school i has tens of teachers and i mentioned 2...and i did NOT generalise...in fact i said that you cannot say that ALL are perfect in order to say i am crazy. I am quite able to use experience to point this out.

The KIDS were told in assembly...not the parents...I am the ONLY parent who has been told...the only reason i happened to find out it was mentioned in assembly was because my eldest got upset bout it...my youngest couldnt even remember it being said let alone relay the information.

saying long hair is an extreme style on boys is nonsense...its not even been styled ...its just grown out his head the way it does naturally...and it is sexual discrimination to say otherwise

ormirian...i had already insisted myself that my sons hair was tied back for pe and swimming before they even started this hair nonsense

Violet see this is where I am failing to understand what your issue is.

You already made sure your DS's hair was tied back for p.e and swimming yet now are opposed to him having to have it tied back all the time.

IF as you say he twiddles with it, maybe it is distracting him from working and rather than him fall behind the school are trying to find ways to help him work better.

Two things.

1. You have no idea that you're the only parent.
2. Perhaps they ensured you were told because your DS has SN.

Right. Do the vast majority of boys in this country have hair shoulder length or shorter? Yes. So very long hair like your ds's (and mine before he decided to have it cut) is an extreme style and it's silly to pretend otherwise.

"teachers are not always all that ...and they are not always right or PC ...its very true that sometimes you need to stand your ground as some teachers are just plain wierd about things"

That is what I meant by teacher bashing.

How do you know that no other parents have been spoken to about their child's hair?

he understands tying it back for pe and swimming because he cannot do what he is trying to do with it in front of his face...,it annoys him when hes swimming and he cant see...and he realises it will be coming out of the pony in half an hour...
his SEN at his old school recommended that he continue with his twiddling as it helps him concentrate, it dosent cause him to fall behind.