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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my neighbour to pick up my toddler?

63 replies

DeSelby · 06/10/2011 16:20

There is a man on our street who has always says hello to my toddler. We have a nodding acquaintance and he is often outside our house as he helps out our elderly next door neighbour.

Recently on meeting he has started to pick up my little boy, who is very happy to go to him. I feel this is overfamiliar, we don't really know him and I don't really want him holding my son, my husband (who has been there when it's happened, I've been busy with my newborn) says I'm being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 06/10/2011 16:22

How old is your DS?

IggyPup · 06/10/2011 16:24

Oh heck, do you fear he is a paedo grooming your child?

Your little one is perhaps too young to understand a talk about such things.

What do your instincts tell you? I would trust them and perhaps have a gentle word with this neighbour chappie.

troisgarcons · 06/10/2011 16:28

How old is he? perhaps he doesnt see his own grandchildren that regularly. Quite sad you think a bit of affection is somehow threatening, well not threatening, but a cause of unease.

People do pick toddlers up to talk to them on an eye level - it's a site easier than getting down on your knees to be on a level with the m.

squeakytoy · 06/10/2011 16:30

I presume you dont let a toddler play out alone, so I am not sure why you would worry, as you will be there too.

Would you worry if it was a woman doing this?

Original poster
DeSelby · 06/10/2011 16:35

My toddler is 18 months.
It's not that I think he's dodgy, it's more that at my sons age I only want him to have relationships/contact like this with people we know and trust - but it's difficult to articulate without sounding as if I think he's a paedophile.

OP posts:
ScaredBear · 06/10/2011 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsmasher · 06/10/2011 16:38

I find this rather depressing. I want to live in a world where it's fine for a kind neighbour to pay some attention to my child in this way.

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 16:38

How happy is your toddler about being picked up?

cantspel · 06/10/2011 16:39

Most child abuse is carried out by people the family know and trust.

i think you are being a bit weird and presious.

squeakytoy · 06/10/2011 16:39

it's more that at my sons age I only want him to have relationships/contact like this with people we know and trust

that sounds utterly barmy Confused

Original poster
DeSelby · 06/10/2011 16:42

I don't know if I would be as bothered if it was a woman, that probably does make me unreasonable!

Of course my son is not alone with him. It just sets my teeth on edge, but as I said my husband isn't bothered and thinks it's fine, so perhaps it is me being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeSelby · 06/10/2011 16:44

Ok, I'm being unreasonable!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 16:46

I never understand people who want to limit the people their children like/love Confused

I have really fond memories of my grandparents' neighbours who used to give my sister and me sweets/pick us up/invite us for hot chocolate - they'd be seen as highly suspicious these days! Sad

troisgarcons · 06/10/2011 16:51

TBH, I have quite a bizarre parenting style that none of you guys would agree with in a million years.

Most (not all) mature folk like the company of small children. I used to actively encourage my kids to go and annoy talk to old folks in the park. or yakkityak away in supermarket trolly seat.

It's just a nice thing isn't it, when you have a random conversation with a stranger anout nothing in particular? It shouldnt be any diifferent for children. Thats how they develop social skills and manners.

Theres an old African proverb 'it takes a village to raise a child' - mind you Hillary Clinton wrote a book on that [wants a grimmace emoticon]

mumofbumblebea · 06/10/2011 16:52

i think YABU, sorry. i think our "mummy hormones" can go into overdrive easily though.

i'd say if there was anything dodgy about this neighbour he wouldn't be showing such open affection in front of you. my bet is that as someone else said maybe doesn't have any children/grandchildren of his own and/or is just a big softie for children.

btw if he is older, he might not see anything wrong with it, different generation and all.

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 17:07

Trois I used to do the same :)

pigletmania · 06/10/2011 17:45

YABU its Sad really

mumeeee · 06/10/2011 18:35

YABU. You already know him a bit. Why don't you just speak to him a bit more.

Roseflower · 06/10/2011 18:41

Im not sure I see the issue

But its your child, your choice I suppose

HoneyPablo · 06/10/2011 18:50

YABVVVVVVU
I am very Sad at the thought that friendliness and neighbourliness is being eroded by people like you.
In fact, I'm having a bit of a rant, now. You don't own your son. You are his guardian until he is old enough to take care of himself. your son is part of the community, as is the neighbour. You will do your son lasting damage if you bring him up fearing everybody.

MumdiddyMum · 06/10/2011 20:34

As long as you are sure he wont drop him its fine

Vallhala · 06/10/2011 20:39

Yup, you're over worrying! :)

One of my most abiding memories of when DD2 was a toddler was getting off a London bus with her and her (also toddler) sister one dark, cold night. A young Black man stepped off ahead of me to help me with the buggy and then lifted DD2 high in his arms, face level with him, before gently setting her down in the buggy. It was a picture... this tiny ginger toddler and this big, tall, broad Black man with his beaming smile.

Yes, he was a stranger, picking up my child... but oh, if I could have captured it on camera.

Iggly · 06/10/2011 20:42

You could pick your toddler up when you meet him?

I wouldn't like it myself TBH. I don't know why, I just wouldn't.

Sirzy · 06/10/2011 20:45

YABU. You are with him so its not going to cause any harm to your DS.

Surely its good that he gets to know the neighbours and feels comfy with them? In a few years time it will be good for him to have someone close by he trusts in case of emergency? (the type of thing nobody likes to think about, but where kids tend to come into there own with the common sense ways to get help!!)

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 06/10/2011 20:47

YANBU. I would feel weird if someone I was on a nodding hello relationship started picking up my child. Not because I would assume they were a paedo just because they had suddenly upped the familiarity. Like if they started giving me a hug or something. It would just be weird.