to not want my neighbour to pick up my toddler?

[DeSelby]

There is a man on our street who has always says hello to my toddler. We have a nodding acquaintance and he is often outside our house as he helps out our elderly next door neighbour.

Recently on meeting he has started to pick up my little boy, who is very happy to go to him. I feel this is overfamiliar, we don't really know him and I don't really want him holding my son, my husband (who has been there when it's happened, I've been busy with my newborn) says I'm being unreasonable. Am I?

[xpatmama]

Ha. all i can say is you'd better not go to very child friendly countries, eg Turkey. You're lucky if you can get away with eating your meal without the waiter carting off your baby. (Which I loved by the way - I could eat!!!)

[WibblyBibble]

Yeah, I think you're being mental. Your toddler likes it, the guy likes it, who's it hurting? Mine loves it when random people tickle her etc, though have not had anyone pick her up apart from people helping on buses once or twice- I'd be fine if neighbours did, though. I think it's normal human behaviour to have physical contact when it's not distressing anyone.

[WibblyBibble]

Heh, xpat, when we took older one to Greece she was practically adopted by about 5 different grannies and grandads. Also people giving her sweeties on the train, there, which no doubt would cause whole huge AIBU battles for some.

[ChippingIn]

It's a shame you think only close friends/family should have a relationship with your toddler - you are depriving him of a lot of experiences, friendship & love and it's not necessary to do so.

Today at a toddler group I had a little boy, 13 months, who I had never met before come and curl up on my lap and fall asleep - did his mother want to run a mile with him? No, she said 'if you want to move let me know :)' and enjoyed her cup of tea :)

His life is bigger than your family.

[staylucky]

It's your choice at the end of the day?

My toddler has a wonderful relationship with most of the town we live in! Shopkeepers, the binmen, postman, old folks, neighbours, people we see In the park regularly walking their dogs! I think it's kind of sweet he sees friendly faces wherever he goes and that what makes my community if you like. My DD was about 5/6 when we started becoming more
serious about what sort of social interactions are acceptable with which people.

[diggingintheribs]

I think YABU

The street sweeper (not sure of official title) is someone I stop and chat too and he loves kids. He always gives DD (14m) a kiss on the forehead and she gives him a big smile and they have a little 'chat'. I don't know the guys name or anything but he is nice and is from a culture where children are very important.

I think it's nice for children to feel special and that people other than their parents think they're fab!!

[weevilswobble]

I wouldnt want someone picking up my child. Of course its fair enough to chat and be friendly, but you dont even pick up children of friends tbh. YANBU

[TandB]

YABU

DS is very taken with a man who runs a car-valeting business in the same building as his nursery.

DS always goes running to him and he picked him up once to show him a motorbike that was parked there. DS thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread. I know him to chat to - I know his name, how old his son is, he knows what I do for a living - that sort of thing - but we don't really know each other properly.

Unless you have concrete concerns I think it would be a shame to cut off this sort of casual affection towards a child.

[maamalady]

Vallhala - that's a lovely story. I can just see it :)

[SexualHarrassmentPandaPop]

Do people really not think it's weird to go from nodding hello to picking up your child? I would expect some middle ground of friendly chit chat maybe even mentioning the child first. I nod hello to regulars at the bus stop. If they picked up my child without a word being exchanged between us I would find that seriously strange behaviour.

[KaraStarbuckThrace]

YABU. I love it when old people make a fuss over the dcs.

I was at the opticians yesterday and a lovely lady made a big fuss of DS ruffling his hair and commenting on what a handsome little boy he was, especially as I had 16w old DD with us and it is usually her getting all the attention

This neighbour of yours sounds lovely. Would you rather he just glare at your toddler, ordering to keep out of his garden and not be noisy?

[AnxiousElephant]

I find it quite sad too. At 18 months he probably just enjoys seeing children, brightens his day and as others have said, its easier to talk to children at the higher level. I would suggest that if you needed to worry your son has enough 6th sense to be wary. Children seem to be good judges of character.

[Lilyloo]

Now if i was thinking about an old man on our street i would say yabu , but when we went to Malta with dd1 when she was roughly the same age she was picked up by two women in the hotel lobby and i totally freaked out ( they did try and walk with her though) now i feel they were just being friendly but it was a split moment feeling.

[Feminine]

YABU...

You don't sound very friendly I am afraid.

It makes me sad for the gentleman actually.

[Sidge]

I think your attitude is very sad really.

This man is known to you because he helps out your elderly neighbour. That would lead me to assume he is a kind, friendly and helpful person so you are limiting your son's social experiences with this man for no good reason IMO.

I was in the park recently with my girls and we got chatting (at my instigation) to an elderly man enjoying the sunshine. He said he loved to see my children playing, and chatted away to them, chucking them under their chins and ruffling their hair.

He told me his own daughter and son in law had emigrated some years ago so he no longer had any real contact with his grandchildren and missed them terribly. Yet he knew that if he tried to strike up conversation with mums and small children he would be more than likely to have the police called on him. I thought that was so sad. He was just an old man who wanted some human contact

[AnxiousElephant]

I remember being in Portugal in a restaurant with dd1 who was 6 months and the waitresses swept her off to the kitchen to meet the chef! DH was a bundle of nerves She was kept hold of until we had finished eating, which we thanked them for! DD1 loved all the attention

[architien]

Always trust your instinct. I feel it's better to err on the side of caution with such a serious issue. If your instinct says no then it's no, no matter how barmy/overprotective you look to others in the whole scheme of things that doesn't matter a jot. None of us are there and met this chap. Always trust your instinct is my advice.

[ClarenceDarrow]

An elderly neighbour is nice to your child? Yeah Id be worried....about how unfriendly and anti-social you are.

[MamaMaiasaura]

Yabu

[Nanny0gg]

weevilswobbleThu 06-Oct-11 21:05:49: I wouldnt want someone picking up my child. Of course its fair enough to chat and be friendly, but you dont even pick up children of friends tbh. YANBU
Eh?
Really?

Oh dear.
I did.

[GumballCharm]

YANBU....your child...your instincts.

Just say "No picking him up please." cheerfully. Dont explain or make excuses. Its clear then.

[Nefret]

YABU

This man sounds very caring, he helps out an elderly neighbour and he likes children. I wish there were more people like him in the world!

[TheTenantOfWildfellHall]

18mths old are designed to be picked up and fussed - it's why they toddle around, are small and not very heavy.

[myreg]

It's completely normal to feel possessive and protective of you ds in the way that you're describing and not to want people that you don't know or don't like to have cntact with them. Fwiw, I worked with mothers and children for many years. They almost never like handing their baby over to anyone that they don't know very well. Completely understandable because as mothers we are made that way and by that I mean suspicious of other people and potential dangers.

However, sometimes we need to be logical and think past this because otherwise we are communicating our fear of anything and everything to our child. If we do so then we deprive our children of many joys in the world and teach them that it's a dangerous place and they should be frightened.

Imho, yabu. From what you've said this man sounds very pleasant and friendly and there's nothing more to it. To the other posters who say 'trust your instincts, they are always right' etc, I say that you instincts are there for a reason but that doesn't always mean that they are right.

[ThoseArentSpiritFingers]

I understand where you're coming from with this, you want to teach stranger danger, slits the difficulty of getting round the issue of telling your son that he shouldnt go to people mummy or daddy don't know well, wothout offending neighbours. It's not being on peado alert, it's being careful and teaching common sense safety rules for you son, so I don't think you deserve a lot pc th comments here.

I dont have any advice o. How to deal with it though....