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AIBU?

to not want my neighbour to pick up my toddler?

63 replies

DeSelby · 06/10/2011 16:20

There is a man on our street who has always says hello to my toddler. We have a nodding acquaintance and he is often outside our house as he helps out our elderly next door neighbour.

Recently on meeting he has started to pick up my little boy, who is very happy to go to him. I feel this is overfamiliar, we don't really know him and I don't really want him holding my son, my husband (who has been there when it's happened, I've been busy with my newborn) says I'm being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:

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minimisschief · 07/10/2011 13:49

i used to have an old man whos garden was at the back of mine come over and give us icecreams and sometimes lifted us over the waist high fence to play in his garden with his dog

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lljkk · 07/10/2011 13:54

He sounds overly familiar & I wouldn't like it either; we have lots of long-term almost daily 1 minute chat neighbours and none of them would pick up DC unless there was a compelling reason (like oncoming car, carrying said crying child over to me, etc.)

tbh, I don't think I'd do anything about the situation but just keep an eye on it for now. Some people, perfectly harmless, do have strange personal boundaries. In many other cultures his behaviour would be completely normal.

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redwineformethanks · 07/10/2011 13:54

Your boy is only 18 months. I'd say at this age, encourage him to be friendly to everyone, then when he's a bit older start to explain that some people don't know how to look after children etc.

If the man is just being friendly, then I'd encourage that. It's nice when people are warm and kind

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diyvspse · 07/10/2011 13:55

YANBU - it's over-familiar for a relative stranger, neighbour or not. And it's more about teaching your child not to go to random people.

Next time he does it I would just say "Come to mummy" and take him back.

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weevilswobble · 08/10/2011 08:20

I'm not saying that picking up a child means you are automatically a paedo. I just think its ok to be friendly etc but not to pick up a child. I mean you look into a pram, but you dont touch the baby do you? Doesnt mean you are anti social. I'm all for being friendly of course, but i'm reading that the OP didnt feel comfortable, so therefore its not right.

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weevilswobble · 08/10/2011 08:24

Nannyogg, the last few comments agree with what i said. I'm not that odd. I dont like people in my personal space, so why would a child?

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pigletmania · 08/10/2011 08:27

the comments of some people are really . Weevil I don't think that babies have the same view of personal space as you. He is your neighbour, community and all that, not a random man off the street.

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pigletmania · 08/10/2011 08:28

As someone said on here you do not own your child, you nurture, love and look after them until they grow up and gain independence of their own.

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HoneyPablo · 08/10/2011 08:37

Babies and children thrive on physical contact. Since when did it become taboo to touch a baby or child?
When I had my DC in 1989 and 1996, people did use to touch them in their prams. I had complete strangers stop me in the street and put money in their hands. Does that really not happen anymore? What a sad place we all live in now

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AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/10/2011 08:43

You dont pick up your friends children weevil?

I wouldnt mind this OP, at 18 months old most children love being brought up to face level with the conversation rather than staring at peoples shins or craning his neck to look up, he's doing you a favour really.

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DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 08:48

This is why when your child has an accident or needs help, no male feels comfortable getting involved. If the child is with you, they should be encourages to socialise as much as possible IMO.
But you are his parent, you set the rules. Good to see your OH is less paranoid.

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Oggy · 08/10/2011 08:49

If I didn't have any concerns abotu the neighbour and the child enjoyed it then no, I wouldn't have a problem with it, in fact it porobably wouldn't occur to me ot think it was strange or inappropriate.

I do think that with each year that passes there are more and more things which, once normal, are now taboo : (

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DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 08:51

'I dont like people in my personal space, so why would a child?'

One of the PITA points about toddlers and their parents is frequently their kack of understanding of personal space. There are threads and threads about it!
Helping themselves to your food, talking to you when you don't want to get involved, one ran up and wacked me on the bum yesterday for no reason.