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AIBU?

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Original poster

to find some people attitudes, such as "i work hard i deserve it" really sickening

747 replies

carriedababi · 06/10/2011 11:08

was reading some magazine in the dentist, there was a woman from dragons den iin the mag.
saying how she had a wardrode worth 3 million.

and she went onto say well i work hard for it.
so ideserve it.
and something todo with she sees her expensive clothes as a symbol of how sucessful she is.

really made me feel sick, how a horrible nasty attitude to have in life.

i'm sure even if i was a millionaire, i would not be proud about spending that much on clothes.

i don't know its just the arrogant im entitled to this that got me.
and dont they think people how have less also work hard. probably alot of them work alot harder

what do you think

OP posts:
TheMitfordsMaid · 08/10/2011 18:24

Fascinating thread with the discussion on social mobility.

My parents both came from post-war council estates and I was the first person to go to university. I was lucky enough to benefit from a truly comprehensive education (no grammar schools in my area) and a full grant to university. I very much doubt that anyone in my family would have encouraged me into a degree if there had been fees to pay.

I've got an MA, a professional qualification and run a business. I've worked in a professional job, but have worked as a cleaner, run a bar, sold fruit and veg and all manner of manual jobs and I can say without doubt that these rate as the hardest jobs that I have done. Physically, they were hard, but also mentally and emotionally difficult, when faced with drunken idiots and discovering an unconscious woman in the bottle bank.

Having done so many different jobs, I'm of the opinion that some people are hard working grafters and others are plodders. I am most definitely a worker, which is why I don't begrudge the Dragon woman her wardrobe. She has worked bloody hard, just like the cleaners, the marketstall holders and the council workers I've met.

bugster · 08/10/2011 18:29

So why don't you think they do it, wordfactory - because they are discriminated against?

DandyLioness · 08/10/2011 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigletJohn · 08/10/2011 18:36

I wouldn't have thought a person with a highly-paid career, who had a family to look after, and was used to a good level of comfort, would lightly give it up?

Unless they won the lottery or had some other source of wealth that meant they didn't need to work any more?

wordfactory · 08/10/2011 18:36

I think there are probably a myriad of reasons. And for many, myself included, giving up the law will be something that women do with a heavy heart.

I suspect for some it will lack of availbale child care. For others it might be family and societal pressure. Some will just find it too tiring to juggle a demanding career and family (stamina is one of the key requisites of being a lawyer imho).

Bonsoir · 08/10/2011 18:45

"These are women who wanted to be lawyers. They went throught the pain and hard graft. They didn't just decide it was all a load of crapolla overnight. Surely?"

Why not? I know plenty of women who went through years of hard study, competitive examinations and long hours at work who felt that they had achieved all they wanted to achieve professionally and didn't want to continue when they had children.

bugster · 08/10/2011 18:45

Interesting that there are so many lawyers here. I studied law too, but never worked in the profession. A lot of my friends in England are solicitors, the women have generally scaled down their careers to somethiing that doesn't involve such long working hours. They seem to be happy to do that and let their husband earn more money. The points about childcare and juggling a career and family surely should apply to the fathers too? Maybe we just as a society, mothers themselves included, still assume that the family is the mother's responsibility.

TheMitfordsMaid · 08/10/2011 18:52

I gave up my professional career (not law) after I had children. I changed a lot after having children, either because of them or because some other significant things happened in my personal life. I don't know why, but a number of factors changed my outlook on my career and I knew that I no longer wished to do it.

A few years back I read an interesting book about work, and the future of work, which suggested that increasingly people will have a number of different careers, sometimes in entirely unrelated fields, or have portfolio careers in which they undertake a number of different jobs at the same time.

Knowing that I am likely to have to work until I am well into my 70s makes me shudder at working in the same field forever. Now that I am in my late 30s I know what motivates me to work, I know what satisfies me intellectually and interestingly for me, it is my political activity that satisfies my intellectual itch rather than my business.

PigletJohn · 08/10/2011 18:54

"Why not? I know plenty of women who went through years of hard study, competitive examinations and long hours at work who felt that they had achieved all they wanted to achieve professionally and didn't want to continue when they had children."

And men too?

Xenia · 08/10/2011 19:04

The men don't because of all the sexism that is around. Thankfully p lenty of women aren't in that mould - that because they are female they give up career. I'm enthusiastic about the future for women. More women than men under 40 are millionaires.Women under 26 earn more than men. More and more of our sons will not be content to be provider and say hang you wife I might want to be home instead of you and plenty of girls say - matey if you think childcare is my responsibility you have another thing coming.

Lots of women prefer to earn their own money but we have to fight and fight against all the sexism there is so that in 20 y ears time there are as many men as women not working.

Roseflower · 08/10/2011 19:07

Xenia.. one one hand "More women than men under 40 are millionaires.Women under 26 earn more than men"

On the other you say "women on the planet own 1% of property and earn 10% of income".....

PigletJohn · 08/10/2011 19:08

You surely don't mean that sexism prevents men from thinking they've achieved all they wanted professsionally? Or that sexism prevents men wanting to spend time with their families?

So what do you mean?

Xenia · 08/10/2011 19:09

I think the main reason wf is that women marry up, they marry men who earn more who are a bit older. That suits many women. It is also our culture and our background and is common to most cultures on the planet. It means the normal calculation of who gives up work will u sually mean it make economic sense for the women to. As I ultimately earned 10x my chidlren' father we decided even before we got engaged taht if one of us gave up work it would be him as it made sense economically although it never came to that - we both worked full ti me.

If your other half male earns £50k and you £25k then it's pretty clear who will give up work. If he earns £500k and you £60k then it's an even easier calculation. If instead women married slightly younger men who earned less and wer e a bit less qualified than they were and slightly less clever (this rarely happens) then when they were deciding do we give up the woman's income of £200k or the man's of £20k it's no contest the woman keeps on working.

Xenia · 08/10/2011 19:11

RF

"Xenia.. one one hand "More women than men under 40 are millionaires.Women under 26 earn more than men"

On the other you say "women on the planet own 1% of property and earn 10% of income"....."

What I say is true. The first sentence though is just for the UK. The other stats are on the planet as a whole. Women can't even own property in many countries. They are sold like cattle. Married women only got the right to own property in the UK in the 1880s .

What happens in the UK is that women marry higher earning men who are older and then they tend to give up real work. They mgiht do 2 days a week to keep their hand in but they aren't pursuing their career properly. Thus you end up with 20% of women at the top in law firms when the entrants have been at least 50% female since over 25 years ago. it is the same in many other high paid jobs too. NHS doctors specialist consultants may well be better as the public sector has a lot of part time workers.

MilicentBystander · 08/10/2011 19:13

Is that your recipe for a happy marriage, Xenia?

TotemPole · 08/10/2011 19:20

I think 'working hard' isn't the same for everyone, it's subjective. What's a breeze to one person would be a nightmare to someone else. Some thrive on stress and that's what keeps them going, others would burn out within a few years.

TheMitfordsMaid, I've had a similar range of jobs to yourself. I agree bar & shop work is tough.

I'd choose 8 hours of manual cleaning over working on a checkout and having to be friendly to customers all day. Yet someone more naturally cheery and chatty would possibly choose the other way round.

MilicentBystander · 08/10/2011 19:34

Now I'd be perfectly happy on the till and miserable cleaning! Grin

A1980 · 08/10/2011 19:36

It's relative though isn't it?

I work hard so I think I deserve having a holiday, going for meals with friends, buying nice (though not designer) clothes, having a gym membership.

But people in the third world who are starving and homeless would probably be horrified at my wasetful extravagant life......!

TotemPole · 08/10/2011 20:41

Milicent, exactly, everyone is different. I'd find it exhausting being that polite and perky. A busy checkout can have a person passing through every 2/3 minutes. I don't know if they're asking how I am because they really care or because they're putting on a professional face. Either way, I really admire them.

8 hours of cleaning is a different kind of 'tired'. I could cope with that.

It's also interesting how a lot are equating hard work with long hours. Again, it depends on the person and the actual job.

Xenia · 08/10/2011 21:35

There are some people like teachers who think they work hard but they really have no idea about careers when you might work every night all week from 7am to 1am or every weekend for 3 months. I am not saying it is desirable to work all day and night. I think the quality of work suffers and I tend to be in a position of sufficient power now just to determine that things cease so people get enough sleep but it is certainly hard work in the sense some people have no idea of.

Mind you I think minding 3 children under 4 where the baby cries for 4 hours a ni ght and feeds every 2 hours is very hard too and even more tiring.

Roseflower · 08/10/2011 21:42

Xenia when I was doing a PGCE I worked from 6am until midnight and then every Sunday too.

It was horrendous. I really admire teachers as a result.

There is no way I could have spent all my time on forums like Mumsnet.... that's for sure Hmm

moondog · 08/10/2011 21:54

Teachers think they have a monopoly on hard work.
They don't.
I have known many teachers and most haven't a clue what hard work really entails.
Oh, and they are generally poorly organised and not the brightest.
It was a huge shock to me to learn about the average standards and working practices of the average teacher.

rubyrubyruby · 08/10/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roseflower · 08/10/2011 22:01

Thats a very nasty post about the people who educate our children moondog.

moondog · 08/10/2011 22:03

'educate' you say?
I have another word for it myself.

But oh! I forget myself! Teachers have a reserved place at the feet of the Lord Almighty himself don't they? Along with nurses and firemen.