A relative pinched my 14 month old baby on her face

[Snickers25]

My partners sister pinched our baby on the face, causing a bruise that lasted 10 days. I saw the aunt pinch my daughter just as I walked past the room. I assume my baby might have pinched her first (but that's no excuse as the aunt is 43 and my daughter is only 14 months old). My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards. As soon as I saw it happen I scooped her up and removed her from the room but now I don't trust this woman with my kids. I have 3 Pre-schoolers and this aunt has moved in with us for 12-18 months!
I didn't say anything to the aunt at the time as I was too shocked and upset. I haven't mentioned it since & it was 2 months ago. I asked my partner to speak to the aunt (his sister) which he did & she seemed surprised about the deep blue bruise on baby's cheek. He apparently said that only we (parents) are to discipline the children.

My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before (obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt) which the aunt said was caused by baby's fingernail. She had only been with the aunt for an hour. It definitely wasn't from baby as it was too wide/thick to be from a baby's fingernail. I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident. I wouldn't have been upset/angry about an accident! Why lie about it?

However, I don't trust her now & I sure as heck don't want my kids to have to live with her if something ever happened to me & my partner (that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now).
Has anyone else had something similar happen? How did you handle it? Thanks for any advice.

No my face might have been a little red for a few mins but no never like that, and this was in an affectionate way not malicious and abusive like has been described.

That's your considered opinion BGF? You're a SW?

"If your child becomes ill and happens to have a mark when you go to the doctors the CP process will start, so you best start dosing her up with medicine now."

Birds are you really a social worker? Scaremongering like that, jesus!

Because if that's true I'd be fucked with my crazy, clumsy kamikaze toddler who runs and jumps around at a hundred miles an hour and gets a bruise every week. Perhaps next time her fever spikes horrendously and she also has a bruise I'll stay home and risk it eh?

God.

Good luck Snickers. Will check in tomorrow. Night.

Birds, if she went to GP with sick child and child had mark, it wouldn't start CP process unless the GP was concerned about the marks and if they didn't match reason given! Talk about trying to scare parents, it's really not helpful.

I would change your will quickly btw, and not allow your baby near the aunt.

Piglet, i was sort of thinking that in a way too. A baby can mark massively on a grown up pinch.

I first off thought that OP shouldnt be cast down so. but then.......
DP not concerned.
Mum concerned but doing not a lot if she really thinks baby is in danger.
Its a conundrum?

Well the fact is that she is not helping you with the children, she is adding stress and problems. It is time to review her presence in your home.

I'm not scaremongering, i'm telling the OP what will happen, the doctor is duty bound to report it. Unless she is going to lie for her DH's sister, that is. The children are being physically abused. You have quoted a usual accident that happens to a toddler. Unless you agree that child abuse should be covered up?

Yes mums I did instinctively thought that kind of thing too

Birds my dd2 (13 months) has often had a bruise on her face from bumping it on the floor or furniture, and dd1 (3.6) has loads of bruises on her legs from falling over or into things, and the GP is not in the least bit concerned!

Are you sure you're a SW? V unhelpful scare-mongering.

lisad, one child with a cut lip and one with a week old bruise, a doctor can tell how a mark has been got. These children are being hurt deliberatley, not accidently.

Do you all pinch your 14 month old while they scream, is this normal behaviour to you all?

Could you all search my posts, they will prove i am a SW.

You are talking about natural marking from clumsy toddlers.

What don't you get? She is hurting the babies.

I agree with birdsgottafly
Feeling sorry for a child who seems to of been abused, or angry at there mother for not getting rid of this person! Can't be classed as being hysterical/OTT etc this woman's priority is her kids and not having to worry about leaving the room in her own house in case her sister in law hurts her kids! If an animal in your home hurt your kids you'd have it put down!! Enough said!!
God bless her kids and keep them safe I hope you do what's best for them

Agreed there is nothing normal about this pinch.

To correct former post, dd2 has not "often" had a bruise on her face, she's had one twice.

Off to bed, will check in tomorrow OP.

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to post on here. I cant reply to you all individually as I really need to get to bed but I will consider all of these comments again tomorrow and re-post when I can collect my thoughts. Rest assured I have not, and will not leave any of my children with her unattended.

Just didn't like the tone of your suggesting she dose her kids up with medicine birds.

Good luck OP, be strong.

Bird, the bruise was 2 months ago, and as for the lip, she has no way of knowing if aunt did it, she has assumed she did.
Yes doctors generally know if marks match explanation given but not always, otherwise there wouldn't be countless serious case reviews every year.
No one is saying that this behaviour is normal, or acceptable.

Lets just hope that baby doesnt have any more marks huh.

Mum has been flamed, protected and told what to do. If what the OP said was true (un exaggerated), lovely auntie in my book would have been thrown out. BUT, maybe?

OP, if what you said was true why on earth is she in your house if you think she is unstable?

"My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards"

This is ok?

"My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before"

"I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident"

This is an adult hurting a child that they aren't under stress with etc. So not a mum getting rough because of tiredness etc. Just an adult that thinks it's ok to do this to a child. Is it sinking in yet?

She's there for 14 months, as i said if the child starts to bite, will she bite back, not one of you can honestly say, 'no'.

Lisad123. I know she caught my baby's lip with her nail. I am absolutely certain. The cut was shaped like a nail cut (much wider than a baby's tiny fingernail). Aunt had acrylic nails and she cut them short the next day (I do believe it was an accident but she lied to cover that up). My daughter had not been near anything sharp that could have caused that cut. She had been asleep in her cot and her aunt had taken her out of her cot when she woke up. I was outside with my 2 sons & wasn't made aware of it straight away. However, as soon as I saw the cut I knew what had caused it. I worked as an ambulance officer prior to having children and the cut required a butterfly stitch (a steri-strip plaster). The cut took a week to heal and about 3 weeks for the red scar to disappear.

Oh and you are all definitely confusing everyday accidental toddler bumps and bruises with deliberate pinching which leave dark blue bruising for ten days and nail marks on their faces! I feel so sorry for these kids your right the kids would be considered not safe as the mother still has the person living with her two months later! Off to bed but hopefully will hear good news tomorrow

Ranting at the OP is not going to achieve anything tonight.

I know why everyone is so upset, but I also feel I understand why Snickers is feeling so powerless. But if you all go in with the hob nail boots and the flame throwers, she won't feel she has any MN support, and she may run from here, and the situation may not be resolved as quickly.

Some of you yelling may never have had your own thread. Even on the most banal of subjects, if you have even half a dozen people shouting or expressing strong opinion, it can be most terrifying.

With a subject as scary and upsetting and out and out wicked as this, Snickers will most likely be in bits and rightly rocked to her very core.

there is no-one on this thread or anywhere in their right mind that thinks that hurting a baby is acceptable.

This woman will be going home/leaving. The 18m holiday is about to come to an end.

Snickers has a tough job ahead of her in the next few hours/days, she will need our strength, our support and our cool collected advice.

The children are safe, let's see what tomorrow brings, and be here with open hearts, minds and arms for Snickers and her babies?

Talk to your dh again about it. Tell him how you feel about her. If he hasn't noticed your reluctance to leave the kids alone with her make sure he knows about it now. Point out that, though she came to help, she is not doing so - in fact, she is doing precisely the opposite. Ask him if he really thinks a prolonged absence from Australia (?) is the best way she has of dealing with being unemployed.

What is she living on while she's with you? Will she return to Oz when the 18m are up? Why 18m? It seems an incredibly long time to freeload off relatives, which seems to be what she is doing (I am probably making huge assumptions here). Is this part of the 2 year travel thing they get, in which case suggest she does some bloody travelling.

How old is she? Does she have problems you haven't mentioned (learning difficulties, for instance)? Would she be able to work while she's here so that she could keep herself and live elsewhere? Is she entitled to benefits while she's here?

I think you should also talk to her, though I realise this will be difficult. However, if only to set your mind at rest, as it were, I think you need to find out what she thought she was doing. I think she should also be made to understand the effect her actions have had, that you can't trust her. At the least, she should understand that if she wants you to trust her, she will have to work to earn that trust back.

It is a horrible thing to be living with. My mum once bruised dd's thigh when changing her. The mark was so faint you could barely see it, and I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that mum would never have hurt dd on purpose, that it was the result of trying to keep her legs under control while getting the nappy done. Even so, it took me a while before I stopped worrying about it.

This is eating into you. You won't be able to feel easy about it until the situation is resolved, so you need to take some action, no matter how hard it is to broach. Work out what you want to say, what you want to happen, stick your chin up, take a few deep breaths, and start talking.

Thankyou Herhissyness. This has been everything you describe and more. I do feel like waking up my children right now and leaving because I hate confrontation but I know that would be over-reacting and just serve to upset the children even more. I think they know I'm very stressed & worried. I feel
like everything is just too much at the moment & I'm sinking into some sort of depression (can postnatal depression happen 15 months later?). However, I will be ok, my children are safe because they are not left with this woman...I just needed some support & guidance on how to deal with this. There is absolutely no way that I condone her behaviour in deliberately hurting & injuring my children. Yes the bruise has well and truly disappeared but it is the emotional damage that concerns me most now. She will not be left alone with my children and this will not happen again. The way I feel about it now after the shock has worn off, if I saw her do that again I would once again calmly take my baby off her (put my daughter somewhere out of harms way), return to the room & punch her lights out.