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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really not like 'an ADHD child' 'an ASD child' 'a Downs child' 'A SN child'?

74 replies

HelloSweetie · 04/10/2011 22:07

it's a small thing but it gets my goat.

a child has SN or AS or ADHD etc. They are not 'An AS child' or a SN child'.

thats all.

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 04/10/2011 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PattySimcox · 04/10/2011 22:12

I don't like it either - I always try to say DS has ASD because he is so much more than his ASD it doesn't define him

ViviPru · 04/10/2011 22:12

YANBU - to look at it another way, DP has ADHD. How ridiculous does it sound to call him "an ADHD man" ?!

TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 04/10/2011 22:16

I agree and I don't think it is a small thing.

It's defining someone purely by one aspect of themselves. And often in a way that enables some people to make a judgement about the whole person.

aldiwhore · 04/10/2011 22:17

I agree but I think that I only agree due to 'forum' life and now knowing how much it really upsets people...? If that makes sense?

I don't think its said with any malice or its even considered by people to be anything other than a statement of fact, not cruel or with ill intent. Most people would be horrified that a phrase they'd use would upset people so. That's what learning is all about I guess, only through experience or education can you know really.

I wholeheartedly agree though, (now I know it upsets people) that it IS a horrible turn of phrase and 'a child with downs' etc., puts the child FIRST, and anything else second, and that is extremely important.

YANBU. However, I would plead with people to in the first instance, calmly and politely point out this error, rather than go in gun's blazing... hard to do when its the 294674939th time you've had to do it I would have thought, but I would be very upset if someone assumed I was just being rude?

Trills · 04/10/2011 22:18

A child with X is much preferable to a X child. YANBU.

Kladdkaka · 04/10/2011 22:18

I disagree. I don't have ASD. Neither does my child. It is what we are. She is an autistic child and I am an autistic adult.

bellybuttons · 04/10/2011 22:20

YANBU - it is not inclusive to speak (in RL of in forums) that way and we should be an inclusive society.

Iggi999 · 04/10/2011 22:23

I caught myself saying "the deaf" today and cringed - should not lump together or put the disability before the person.

Original poster
HelloSweetie · 04/10/2011 22:24

so it wouldn't be unreasonable to point it out occasionally?

OP posts:
oxcat1 · 04/10/2011 22:25

I was once collecting my prescription from Boots, and the counter staff shouted round to the people behind the shelves that 'the CF-er' was here to collect. I was deeply insulted - that I don't actually have cystic fibrosis was neither here nor there. Everybody is entitled to both privacy and respect, and in my opinion, this offered neither.

BigCC · 04/10/2011 22:27

This is a difficult one. My DD (9 months) has Down's Syndrome and whilst it irks me to hear her described as 'being Down's', the majority of people who say it are in the middle of a kind discussion about her and in general they are trying to say that they know other people with T21 who have done well. Since she was born I have been amazed at what people are prepared to say, some of them total strangers, but most, if not all people, are warm-hearted, if a little clumsy. Sometimes they just don't know what to say and are stumbling for words, so it would be just cruel to pick them up on it.

givemushypeasachance · 04/10/2011 22:28

Not that long ago I read something at work that had been written by an education professional that referred in passing to "the wheelchair child" in a class. I was pretty Shock'd.

worraliberty · 04/10/2011 22:28

It's not as bad as being 'A tad Aspies' or 'Spectrummy'

That makes me want to vomit Hmm

DownbytheRiverside · 04/10/2011 22:29

That's interesting, Kladdkaka, it's what my son says. He self-defines as an Aspie. Being 16, it sounds cooler to him than saying 'I am a teenager with Asperger's syndrome'
I would never assume that it was acceptable to refer to another individual in that way unless told so by them. Although he's by no means alone in his preference
www.aspiesforfreedom.com/

BigCC · 04/10/2011 22:29

Sorry, should have been specific - YANBU, but most people mean no offence.

Original poster
HelloSweetie · 04/10/2011 22:32

see - DD describes having 'aspie moments' herself. it makes me cringe though.

OP posts:
WinterIsComing · 04/10/2011 22:33

I am an autist and so is my son.

We view and experience the world in a way which is different.

worraliberty · 04/10/2011 22:34

Yeah I can understand people describing themselves that way if they've been diagnosed with Aspergers

It's the self diagnosers who piss me off, they describe themselves as being 'a tad Aspies' in the same way you or I might say we've got a touch of heartburn Hmm

vj32 · 04/10/2011 22:34

I don't think it is usually meant in the way you are suggesting. We would say a black man (for example), do we need to say a man who is black? I don't mean it is exactly the same but that it is an acceptable/usual way of phrasing things in all other instances.

Incidentally I was told that to be more correct you had to say a child/adult with Down Syndrome - without the 's as that gives 'ownership' (not sure if that is exactly the right term but I hope YSWIM) of the condition to the person who has that condition not the scientist who discovered it.

vj32 · 04/10/2011 22:36

I think people can try really hard to be all correct and just end up insulting people worse...

squeakytoy · 04/10/2011 22:38

I cant see why it should be an issue either way to be honest.

If someone is blind they would be described as a blind person. If someone was deaf, a deaf person.

BigCC · 04/10/2011 22:39

Far worse has been people saying that DD doesn't look 'too bad', or 'too Downs-y'. That's quite hard to take, as (a) she clearly does and (b) I'm not prepared to treat it as a disaster that she does - and besides, she just looks mainly like a baby at the moment and will obviously look more typical as she grows. VJ32, I think the Down or Down's is a US/UK thing, but not sure as I'm relatively new on this particular bus.

aldiwhore · 04/10/2011 22:43

Kladdkaka you have just made the most truthful and valid point, that some people find 'person with x' as offensive as others find 'x person'. I guess that among people you know you make it clear how you define yourself, and the rest of them? I'm sure you'll tell them!

I don't like offending anyone, so never know which buzz word I should use, maybe that's my problem. Talk to hellosweety use a different phrase to Kladdkaka, that IS nailed down in my mind.

Does it also depend on the condition? I did some work experience at a special school which specialised in children WITH cerebral pulsay (sp) and it wouldn't have been right to refer to them as 'cerebral pulsay children'. Actually after a couple of days, they were just kids...

aldiwhore · 04/10/2011 22:44

vj32 I do. I admit it. By trying not to offend I invariably sound like a complete twat.